"You will do it." He said. "I told you that I want you to do it, and that is all you need to know."

She looked up at him from her submissive position. She was naked, vulnerable, on her knees with no way to protect herself, but she had decided she wouldn't give in. This time she knew she wouldn't give in. He couldn't make her do something she really didn't want to do.

"No." she said, clearly and loudly. "I will not do it. You cannot make me do it. This is my choice, my body, my mouth. You can't make me. You can't." She was not upset. She was not angry. She was just being honest with him. He had told her that it was all she had to be.

"You fucking little bitch." He spat. "How fucking dare you. Do you think you get a choice about when you submit and when you don't? It's not your choice, bitch. It's my choice. And I have decided you will do it, so open your fucking mouth and get on with it, NOW."

"No." she said again, but this time her voice trembled. She knew he was part right. She shouldn't have a choice about when she submits and when she doesn't. She made a choice to submit to him and here she was fighting him. But this was something she didn't want to do. She had a good reason to not want to do it. She didn’t believe it didn't bother him. She knew it DID bother him. Doing this would make him lose respect in her, even though he was the one telling her to do it. He had told her he wouldn't kiss her after she had done it. He would not want her mouth anywhere near him. How could he respect her for what he wanted her to do when he could not touch her after it was done?

He slapped her. He slapped her hard and then harder. Tears sprung immediately to her eyes. She sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly so she didn't sob. She needed to sob. She wouldn't let him see it. Not now. No.

"Do as you are fucking told, slut." He said. His voice was threatening. It was a voice she had heard him use before and she had always caved into it. She had always been scared of what came next.
"Do you think you can beat me into it? Do you think that making me too scared not to is the right thing to do?" She let the tears run down her cheeks. She wanted him to understand what he was doing.

He looked at her, studied her almost. She didn't lower her eyes.
"You are right." He finally said. He sighed. "I can't beat you into this. But I want you to know that you misunderstood me. You are not going to lose my respect for you if you do this. In fact I find it disgustingly hot. I find you disgustingly hot when you do these dirty things for me."

He got down on his knees in front of her. He put himself on her level. He took her hands in his and he rubbed his thumbs across the back of her hands.
"Beautiful girl," he said softly. "My beautiful girl." He leaned forward and he kissed her.

She wanted to fight him. She really really did, but she felt herself melting with his lips on hers. She felt herself giving in. He pulled away from her and she couldn't help it. She started to cry.

"Shhh." He whispered and he pulled her to him "It's ok. You don't have to. We won't do it."
"But I do have to." She sobbed. "You want it, I have to do it. I can't help it. I have to."
He chuckled, a deep throaty sound. She loved that sound. She had heard it many times and yet she hadn't heard it enough.
"I am confused." He grinned. "First we were fighting because I told you to do it, and now we are fighting because I am telling you not to?"
She smiled too. "I don't want to do it." She said. "But if you want me to do it, I will do it for you."
"That should be enough." He said. "It should be. Normally it would be. But this time, this time I want you to do it. I want to watch you do something you hate just to please me."
"What if I hate you for it?" she asked. She thought it was a reasonable question.
"It is a risk, but I think it is a small risk, don't you? I am willing to take that risk."
"What if I hate me for it?" She knew that was a reasonable question.
"Is it possible for you to hate what is mine, princess? Is it really possible?"
"I hate you." She said. She smiled. He smiled too.

He stood up and looked at her. "So you really don't want to do this?"
"I really don't." She said.
"Good job it is my choice, babygirl." He slapped her. "And I don't give a fuck what you want." He said and he grabbed her hair and dragged her across the floor.


I am not saying that this happened between Mac and me. It didn't. Our conversation was somewhat different, but He did say this to me:

"Our sex is about arrogance and selfishness and more than a little cruelty...but a lot more than a little love and tenderness and ....us."

He meant the same thing I did. He just used less words.

Some stuff!

I know some people were disappointed in the last part of Angel. I am ok with that. You cannot please everyone all of the time. Heck, I can't even please Mac all of the time! I do try though, so that counts. I like writing Angel. Mac likes me writing Angel. Whenever I send him a part of it, which is less frequently than I would like it to be, He calls me Angel for the next few days. I think that is sweet. He does see a lot of me in Angel, or a lot of Angel in me.

He knows me too well.

I think that people should not assume that Angel will pick her Master over Geoff. I haven't made up my mind yet who she will end up with. I am quite fond of Geoff. He is going to be a great man one day. He is just taking his time growing into it. Angel knows it too, or she would have left him by now. And let's face it, sex isn't everything, and it is all Angel and her Master know they have in common. I don't know that she will leave her husband. I guess I should know what is going to happen, but I don't. I really don't. I just know that Angel cannot have them both. Damn shame, but it is the truth.

...

Mac and I have been lazy in our sex lately. It doesn't mean that we are not having it, just that we doing it to maximize both of our pleasure in the little time we have. That means a lot of blow jobs for him and clitoral stimulation for me. It helps keep us close to each other even when we have little time to spend alone together that isn't earmarked for sleeping.

We still like to mess with each other's minds, whispering dirty forbidden things that we probably don't even want to try. We just want to tantalize and tease each other with them. We enjoy pushing the boundaries, finding things that make each other grunt harder. I sometimes worry about what we could possibly find to turn us on even more than all the things we have found so far. I worry that we must come to an end of our sex. But we always find something, or find a twist on things we have used before. It still is exciting to have sex with him. It still is exciting to be around him. Just his voice on the phone melts me. It still feels brand new. Our love still feels brand new. Even when we are being lazy, it is still the most exciting sex I have ever had. How wonderful is that?

...

I am thinking about updating the blogroll next weekend. I managed to find time to run through the blogs I have on my list and I discovered that some of them are no longer being updated and some of them are blocked. I need to update the blog with links that people would like to read. If you think you have a blog that people who read me would also like to read, please send the link to my email address. I know people have already sent me some links, but because I was not looking after the blog at that time, I did not add them to my links, so please don’t think that if I have not added you, I have rejected you. I only reject people that are using their blogs to advertise products or if they only update every other month or so. I also prefer sites that do not open to pictures I would be embarrassed to show my mother! Other than that, all requests I get to be added to my blogroll in the next week will be considered.

...

This entry was a little convoluted. I am working on some other stuff, as well as another part of Angel. I want to get back to writing more. I know I have said it before, but Mac and I discussed it, and He believes it will do me good to do more writing. He wants me to write. And it seems like Mac always gets what He wants. At least from me.

So we will aim for twice a week from now on.

You should complain if I don't keep it up!

Well it has been approved by Mac so here it is. Please understand I have less time than I would like to work on these things now, so if it is a little unpolished, it was still written with feeling. I feel that Angel has to make a decision soon.

If you want to know where to find the pieces of Angel so far, they are here:

Part 1 is here.
Part 2 is here.
Part 3 starts here and finishes here.
Part 4 is here.
Part 5 starts here and finishes here
Part 6 is here.


And now, part 7.


Angel looked around the function centre while feeling her husband's hand on her back. She knew her lover, her Master, would be there this time. He had told her he was coming. She had not seen him since the Tuesday when she had cooked for him, but she had spoken to him on the phone on Thursday. She had called to tell him that she would not be able to meet him because her husband's promotion had been announced and he had wanted to take her to dinner with 10 of their closest friends to celebrate. Or at least she was going to tell her Master that something had come up. He didn't need the details. In the end she didn't have to say it. Before she could bring it up, he told her that he had something else he had to. She had accepted it with grace and not asked him what it was. She didn't think she had the right to ask. If he asked her, she would not want to tell him. Sometimes it was just better not to know.

He was standing across the room when she saw him. The woman standing with him had her hand on his arm. He was facing her and they seemed deep in conversation. Angel's stomach lurched. She suddenly knew what, or who, he had been doing the night before. She whimpered. She hadn’t meant to, but the sound had been involuntary. It hurt so much.

Her husband turned looked at her, his face full of concern.
"Are you ok?" He asked. "You look pale."
"Oh."She blushed as the guilt made her stomach lurch again. "I am fine." She tried to smile, faltered, and then managed it. "My stomach is a little unsettled. It's ok."

Her husband watched her as she smiled again, this time with warmth. He smiled back at her. She watched him scan the room for important people to talk to and he guided her to a group already deep in conversation. They welcomed her and then went on with a topic she knew nothing about. She smiled blankly and nodded when it seemed appropriate, and she watched her lover intently.

She was angry. Really angry. How could he do this to her? Bringing someone else was a real smack in the mouth. They were obviously together. Their discussions seemed to range from intense to laughter. She wanted to scream. She wanted to walk over there and claim him. She wanted to stab someone. He was hers. Damn it. He was supposed to be with her. Eventually he laughed and the girl punched him playfully on the arm and walked away grinning at him over her shoulder. He was grinning back at her.

Angel wasn't sure how long the girl would be gone, so she had to take her chance while he was standing on his own. She excused herself quietly and didn't care when no one seemed to notice. He saw her walking towards him and he smiled at her. Her pussy clenched. Her anger skipped a beat. He took her breath away. She wanted to stay angry. She couldn't do it while she looked at him. She lowered her eyes and watched the drink in his hand until she was standing in front of him.

"Well hello, Angel. You look lovely tonight." He said.
She kept her head down. She still couldn’t bring herself to look up at him. Trying to speak, she suddenly realised that she had no clue what to say. She should have thought this through.
"Are you ok, Angel? You seem a little shy, tonight"
Finally she managed to look up and her eyes were filled with unspilt tears.
"Hey. No crying." He said gently. "There is no crying at this sort of thing. Unless they are tears of boredom of course."
"Who is she?" Angel asked quietly.
"Who is who?" He looked at her wearily now. He seemed to realise that she was accusing him of something though he wasn’t sure what.
"The girl." She whispered. "The one you are with."
She saw him suddenly understand what she was talking about and he smiled.
"She has nothing to do with you, Angel. It is no concern of yours."
Her eyes narrowed as the pain went from hurt to anger again.
"Who is she?" She asked again.
He looked at her. Just looked at her. She knew from the look on his face that he had no intention of answering her.
She decided not to say any more either. They stood there, both staring at each other.

"Hey there." She said as she bounced back to his side. She smiled at Angel and then looked at him standing next to her. She waited. Then, "Well! Are you going to introduce me to your friend?" She asked him.
"Sure." He said.
"There you are, Darling." Angel's husband walked up beside her. "I wondered where you had wondered off too. Penelope! How wonderful to see you."

Angel blinked as her husband addressed the woman standing beside her Master.
"Geoff." Penelope smiled at Angel's husband.
"Darling, this is Penelope Windsor. Her father owns the bank. She oversees my division." Geoff said.
"Oh it won't be long before you are overseeing your own department, Geoff. You must be so proud of him." Penelope spoke to Angel like they were old friends.
"It's lovely to meet you." Angel said politely. She was out of her depth. She was standing with her husband and her lover and her husband knew her lover's...something. She didn't know what.
"And this must be the fiancee I have heard so much about." Geoff said and Angel felt the world tilt.
"Oh no!" Penelope laughed. "Peter is off skiing in Canada. He avoids these things as much as he can. This is my brother, the black sheep of the family." She touched his arm. "Much to our father's distress, he went out on is own to seek his fortune. And he succeeded. Dad has never forgiven him for it."
Angel looked at her husband. She could see he was impressed. He was almost spilling over with excitement to speak to her lover. Angel was almost embarrassed for him. But she stopped herself. She had no right to judge him that way.
"My little sister talks too much." Her lover said.
"Pish posh." Penelope laughed. "My big brother is too modest. He is worth more than the rest of the family put together. And he did it all on his own. We are quite proud of him."
"I am sure you are." Geoff said.

The announcement was made for dinner and Angel found herself feeling relieved. It was dangerous being between the two of them. She felt sick. She felt dizzy. The ups and downs of the conversation had not made her feel any better. He was engaged to her. She is his sister. He left the family fortune. He made his own. His father is her husband's boss. Her head was spinning.

"You must sit with us." Penelope gushed.
"We can't." Geoff said. "Your father has invited us to sit with him."
Penelope rolled her eyes at Angel. "I am sure you will have fun with the old men." She giggled.
Angel smiled at her. She wished she could make fun of it all too but her husband would be horrified. Geoff held out his arm and Angel took it.
"Perhaps we will see each other after dinner." Her lover said.
"I will look forward to it." Geoff said. Angel smiled again. Her husband led her into the dining room.

The dinner was just as she expected, bland food, mass produced and served lukewarm. No matter what price was paid for these dinners, they all tasted the same. She pushed her food around her plate as Geoff made conversation with everyone around them. He tried especially hard to make an impression on his boss. She watched him with a mild repulsion. Here he was sucking up to important men, instead of being out there willing to give it a go on his own. She shook her head. She had to stop it. She loved him. She shouldn't be thinking about him like that. She just wished that it was over and she counted the minutes of the required two hours. She was grateful when people started to move. Geoff excused himself to go talk to someone about something and she was happy to let him go.

Angel stood up and made her way out to the balcony. She wanted some fresh air and some solitude. That crowd always made her feel so lonely. It was easier to just be alone. There were people already outside, smoking cigarettes and she moved away from them to avoid the smell. She stood aside on her own. She was looking out over the lake when she felt him behind her. She didn’t have to turn around.

"You were angry with me because you thought I brought someone, and yet you are here with your husband?" He sounded incredulous and he had good reason. She knew what he was saying was true. She had no right to be angry when he was just living his life. She didn't get to pick and choose who he saw. She was married to someone else.
"I was more hurt than angry." She said.
"Well, now you know how I feel when I see you with him."
"Please don’t." She whispered. "I don't mean to hurt you."
"Shhh." He murmured. "It's ok. I am a big boy. I can take it."
Tears spilled from her eyes anyway.
"Come here." He said and he led her away from the smokers. The balcony went all the way around the building He took her around a corner. It was dark, no one was there.

"You knew this was here, didn't you?" She whispered. There was no noise here. Even her whisper felt loud.
"I have been coming to these things since I could sit at a table." He smiled. "I know all the places you can be alone in every major function centre in the city. I used to hide in them when I was the only child here."
"Have you brought other women here?" She bit her lip as soon as she had asked the question. What was wrong with her? Why was she so jealous, so possessive why this man?
"Angel, stop it." He said. "Really this has to stop right now. You are not allowed to ask about girls who came before you. You are not even allowed to ask about who I see now. Do you understand that?"
"Yes." She said quietly.
"Yes what." He growled.
"Yes, Master."

He growled again and pushed her up against the wall.
"Say it again, Angel. Say it again and tell me that you mean it."
"Yes, Master." She said breathlessly. "I will obey you."
"Tell me you are mine."
"I am yours, Master." She was looking into his eyes, lost in them. Nothing else existed.

He kissed her, a brutal, heavy, masculine kiss. His tongue raped her mouth. She held onto him because if she didn't her knees might give way on her. His hands came up to cup her breasts and she moaned into his mouth. He grabbed her throat with one hand as the other slid down her dress. He pulled it up. He touched her panties. Then his fingers were inside them and she was opening her legs so he could reach inside them further.

She moaned again as his fingers rubbed over her clitoris. His mouth was insistent. He wouldn't stop kissing her. His fingers moved inside her and he pushed his palm up against her clitoris, rubbing hard. She wanted to breathe. She wanted him to press against her throat. She wanted him to keep kissing her forever. She pushed against his palm and knew that she should reach for his cock, she tried to, but she was too weak.

She came violently. He never stopped kissing her. She groaned, grunted and possibly screamed into his mouth. He kept his fingers inside her as her muscles spasmed on them. He kept kissing her. He wouldn't stop.

When she felt she was able, when he had taken his hand from her panties, she reached for his cock again. His pants were already unzipped. He had beaten her to it. She touched his cock, stroked it, pulling him towards her. He grunted into her mouth, his cock started spurting. She pushed the head of his cock into her panties and she felt the heat of his spunk spread across her pussy. The kiss finally stopped as he gasped for air. She kissed his cheek. She brought a hand up to stroke his face while she finished his orgasm with the other hand. He lent against her. She tried to touch his face with both hands and he grabbed them and held them above her head. She thought he was going to say something. He looked like he had something to say. Then he pushed away from her, walked to the edge of the balcony and leant over it.

"What's wrong?" she asked without moving towards him. She didn't trust herself to step away from the wall.
He shook his head. "This is crazy." He said. "I can't stay away from you Angel. You are like a drug and I can't get enough. I have to force myself to stay away. I can't keep doing this, Angel. I can't. You are making me fucking crazy."

She took a step towards him and he heard her move.
"Don't." he said.
"I can't." she said and moved closer. "I can't stay away from you either."
"You have to make the choice, Angel. You can't keep us both."
"I know." She said. "I just can't yet. I can't"
She touched his back but he didn't turn around. "Go back to your husband, Angel. I am sure he is wondering where you are."
It hurt. It was meant to hurt. "Yes." She said in a small voice. "We will talk again on Sunday?"
"No. This weekend, just leave me alone. I need a break."
"Please don't?" She pleaded. "I need to see you, please?"
"Go back to your husband, Angel."
"Can I see you on Sunday, please?" She waited a minute, but he didn't answer.

She knew she couldn't wait. She knew he wouldn't answer. She took a step away from him.
"Angel?" He said. She stopped, her back to him. "I love you, Angel."
She turned around and threw herself into his arms. "I love you too." She whispered.

She pulled herself away and walked to the corner of the building.
"Come see me on Sunday, Angel." He sighed.
"Yes, Master." She said.

She left him and went back inside.

Mac has been having a rough time at work and it has shaken me in ways I did not expect. I mean, we have been through this before. You think I would get used to it, but to see Him so tired and frustrated and not to be able to do anything about it is driving me insane. He tells me not to worry about Him, that I have enough to do without taking on His work issues, but I can't help thinking that we are one, and as such, His problems are my problems. He doesn't discuss them with me. He is the type of person that believes that He should solve something before He tells me what it was and how He fixed it. When I watch Him struggle like I am watching Him right now this frustrates me no end. But He is who He is and I love Him. I even love that He is this way. I don't think I could handle it if I was with someone that wanted to lay all of their problems on me. I tend to take the world on my shoulders when I am allowed to. Mac just doesn't allow me to.

Still it has shaken me. I keep looking for ways to fix it and often it feels like I have gotten it all wrong. I try not to be burdensome. I don't tell Him what is happening with me because I don't want add to His problems. I try to make a joke of the time we don't have or of His tense mood. Mac feels me pulling away and being narky about it and it just worries Him more.

So what do we do about this? Well, I make sure Mac gets some rest and knows He has my support. I still sit with Him while He is working of an evening until I have to kiss Him goodnight. Some nights, I seduce Him into bed with me because He needs the sleep to get through the next day. I know that for Him it is a catch 22. If He doesn't do the work He has more to do the next day, but if He doesn't sleep, He can't get through the stuff He has to do. I try to make our home a place He wants to be. A place of love and laughter so He knows He can let His guard down when He walks through the door. It doesn't always work. Some times His stress stresses me instead of my calmness calming Him. But I try. I do try.

And I pray that things settle down for Him soon.