We have come through a sexless period. Why? I think it was a combination of getting back to reality and a little bit of holiday blues. Mac was so busy with work that we hardly had time to talk, let alone be sexual and I got sad due to other things going on and suddenly we turned around and the intimacy and sex was gone. It is funny how it does that, how if we are not feeding the intimacy and lust, it just fades away. We usually don't notice it going. We just suddenly realise it is gone.

The good thing is that when we realise it is gone, we both want it back and we are willing to do what it takes to get it back. I think (and Mac doesn't necessarily agree with me here) that women use sex to get intimacy. Men use intimacy to get sex. I can have intimacy without sex, but I have trouble having sex without intimacy. Mac can have sex, even if we are fighting. But neither of us like the distance that comes between us and it is important that we become close again.

So I teased Him with sex and He touched my heart with gestures and words and we both got aroused and lustful and then we couldn't get enough of each other again.

A few days later I had friends over for lunch. Mac was working upstairs. I took Nicholas upstairs for his nap and Mac found me in the bathroom washing my face. I was tired from a night of lustful sex and thought the face washing would help wake me.

"Gosh, you are gorgeous." He said and I smiled at Him in the mirror before turning around and falling into His arms. He kissed me, with tongue, slowly and meticulously. His hand slid up my skirt and I kept my thighs pressed firmly together, waiting to see what He would do. He tapped my thigh in an obvious 'open' gesture and I giggled through the kiss and opened my legs. He put His fingers in my panties and made me ride them with my clitoris while His tongue made me melt against Him. I came quickly and quietly, gasping into His mouth and He didn't let me go until He was satisfied I was done.

Then He sent me back downstairs on wobbly legs and with a befuddled mind to talk to my friends again. He came down a few minutes later for tea and to grin at my obvious fluster. He enjoyed my loss of composure and I loved His teasing and I knew, I absolutely knew that when everyone had gone, Mac was going to make sure He got pleasured too.

Sex leading to intimacy, intimacy leading to sex, whichever way it works, I love that it does work for us.

I was sitting in the car yesterday, in the passenger seat while Mac was driving. We were coming home from lunch. He had taken me out because he wanted some time to talk grown up stuff without little interruptions. He wanted time to talk to me because I have been a little sad of late. It's not because of any major reason. There have just been some little things bringing me down. So we had talked and He let me say all the things that were ganging up on me. Then He told me how much He loves me. He told me how special I am to Him. He reminded me that no matter how sad I get, He is always going to be with me. He will always be the one holding my hand.

And when we were back in the car coming home and I was feeling much lighter because I had been able to say the things I needed to say, I thanked Him because no matter how sick I am, no matter how bedraggled I look after a sleepless night with sick children, He still loves me. He loves me when I am joyless. He loves me when I laugh. He loves me when I sit quietly on the couch and watch television. He is the only person in the whole world who loves me no matter what. He is the only person that doesn't need me to pretend I am ok when I am not. He wants me to be happy, but He doesn't need me to pretend to be when I am not.

I told Him how exceptionally lucky I am to have Him.

He reached over and patted me on the thigh.
"Yes." He said thoughtfully. "You are lucky."

I laughed.

Sometimes being loved is what it takes to make it better.

I cannot imagine being better loved.

I went away overnight. I stayed with a girlfriend, for a girl's night, as she is getting married next weekend. A group of us had a stay in girl's night, watched some movies, had some fancy drinks, ate some fancy food and did some teenage type sleep over things. It was great fun, different, but it was the night that the bride-to-be wanted it to be. She isn't the type to want to party hard.

But I went away, overnight.

I knew Mac would be fine with the babies. He is fine doing it all without me. It was only for 18 hours. We kissed goodbye in the afternoon and Sarah Jane waved happily and dragged her Daddy back inside to play with her. She seemed to like the idea that her Daddy would be hers to control. Nicholas frowned, not quite sure it was the best idea to let Mummy walk away. But there were no tears.

I think I missed them much more than they missed me. I admit that I almost, almost came home at three am because I wanted to be in the same house as them. I missed them so much that if I thought about them for too long, I couldn't breathe. We woke early, had a wonderful breakfast prepared for us then we said our goodbyes and went home.

I was greeted by two very happy children and one very relieved husband. It was nice to be missed. Mac enjoyed being the only care provider for His children, but I don't think He would want it to happen too often. He sat and watched while I made up for the hugs and kisses I had missed that morning and the night before. Nicholas refused to let me go at first, and then for a while after he kept an eye on me, making sure I was not leaving him again. It's not that he doesn't adore his Daddy, it is obvious that he does, it's more that I am the one that is always there. I am there every time he wakes, every time he eats, sleeps, bathes and then I wasn't for 18 hours. It was a little shock to him. I think it was even a shock to Sarah Jane. Mac said she asked about me a couple of times, just came and climbed into His lap and asked about when Mummy would be home. He reassured her that I would be, and she would cuddle and then be off after one of the cats, or to make Mac play with her again.

We had lunch together and played some more and then it was nap time and both the children went to sleep without any fuss. Nicholas eyed me again and I did promise I would be there when he woke up. He slept, but it was more that he was too tired to fight sleep then that he understood me. Sarah Jane picked the book she wanted me to read and she was asleep by the fifth page. Mac had been following me from room to room too. He was watching me closely and smiling at me every time I caught His eye.

Once I had both the kids in bed and sleeping, I went to Mac to let Him hold me. We had hugged before but hugging with the kids awake and being held while they are sleeping is different. Apparently Mac thought so too.

"Thank god they are sleeping." He whispered. "I have needed to rip off your clothes and fuck you since you walked in the door. I don't think I could have held off much longer, Sarah. I need to fuck you now."
I could hear it in His voice. There was a tinge of desperation there. And being the wicked girl that I am, I played on it.
"Baby, I am so tired." I whispered back. I was grinning into His shoulder as I said it, glad that He couldn't see my face because I knew it would give it away.
"Fuck tired." He said and He dragged me into our bedroom and kicked the door shut.
I giggled the whole way.

He didn't quite tear off my clothes. I managed to get the important ones off while He was ravaging me. But there was still that desperation, that thrilling need He had to be inside me. I found it deliciously hot to be so desperately needed. I was captivated by His desire for me. He came rather quickly, because He says He can't even think straight when He needs to fuck me so badly. He has to come so He can be rational. So He comes quickly, then He can talk, caress, kiss, love me. The first orgasm is simply one of need.

So I was laying on the bed smiling and He was stretched out next to me, one hand on my thigh, one hand under His head. He was still breathing heavily. I was giggling. I couldn't help it. It makes me feel giddy with happiness when I make Him come so furiously and so fast.

"So." He said. "Still tired?"
I laughed. "Nah. I am over being tired."
He rolled back on top of me. "Good." He said and He kissed me. "I am not finished with you yet, Mrs McBroden. You are not allowed to go away again anytime soon!"
I wrapped my arms around His neck and kissed Him. We made it last longer and both of us were dripping with sweat by the time we were done. We had time for a quick shower before Sarah Jane woke and we took her outside to play.

I like that there are times when Mac is desperate for me. I like that there are times when He not just wants, but needs me. I like that He hates it when I am away.

I am not going to stay away again soon, but if I had to, at least I know it would be fun coming home!