Mac and I have had a very special week. It was one of those beautiful times where we had time to fall head over heels in love with each other again. Everything just fell into place and gave us time to devote to each other. It was so easy. It was simple and comfortable and still warm, like we had never left it behind. We couldn't get enough of each other, couldn't be close enough to each other, even making love, it just wasn't enough. Mac would grow hard again just minutes after He had finished, just from kissing. Never have we been closer. Never have I felt more a part of Him. Just a few whispered words on the phone would have both our hands shaking with the need to be together again.

We knew it couldn't last. He had to go away for a few days again. He will be back on Tuesday. But it was ok to let it go because we had found it again, just like that, just when we both really needed it. As Mac said, it was so good to know that it was all still there, just waiting for us. We haven't lost it.

I don't think we will wait quite as long to get it back again next time. I hope we don't.

It is just way too nice being there.

Poiuy asked how I felt about being used by Mac. I had to take a moment to think about it. It's not that I don't like being used. I am quite proud of the fact that Mac knows He can wake me at any time without fuss or need for a production and just get Himself off. I like that He knows I am available to Him. It does make me happy.

It's just that there are times that I want more than to have a quick fuck thrown into me. I think both of us do. Right now, it feels a little like we are settling for what we can have instead of getting what we need. A nice long kissing session would be good. A hot, heavy make-out would be lovely. Some time to talk after we have fucked would be brilliant. But I am happy that He can just use me when He feels a need to relieve His stress, or for His pleasure, or just because He wants too.

We had a conversation on the phone while Mac was away. (Well, we had many, but this one was special.) We were talking about the Australian rugby team playing against the English rugby team. Mac, like me, was hoping that the Aussies beat the English. I pointed out to Him that a few years back, He hated the Aussie rugby team with a passion and here He was hoping that the Aussies won.

"I can't hate something you love, Sarah." He said. "Christ, I love you so much that when Wales plays Australia, I hope for a draw and I never thought I would ever feel that way."

I think that is the most romantic thing a Welsh fullback could ever say.

I am still having computer problems even though I have had it fixed once. I am thinking that it may be time to format and start again. I am so damn frustrated with it and I just don't have time to sit down at it while it is playing up.

So instead of writing, I have been crocheting when the children are sleeping. It keeps my hands and my mind busy and stops me from from feeling brain dead. I paint while the children are awake. They like painting too. It means I don't sit idle. I need to keep my mind active or I over think things and get myself into emotional trouble! It is hard to be a stay at home mum and keep your mind busy. It really is.

Mac is away again. He won't be back until Saturday. He has been away a lot lately and it is getting tiring for us all, Mac included. Especially Mac. He texted me this morning after being away for two days and said He just wants to come home. He will only be here for three days before He goes away for week. It feels like every time we plan time for ourselves, something comes up. We were supposed to spend all of Sunday together, all four of us, but someone else had made miscalculations on an important spreadsheet that everyone would be using Monday morning, so He spent half the day getting rid of the errors and the rest of it doing it right. He even ate lunch in front of the computer, something He swore He would never do. It was after midnight before He came to bed and I had been asleep for a while. He woke me and used me to relieve His stress then He was up at 5am to go to the office and put the spreadsheet on the network before anyone used the wrong one.

It was the third Sunday in a row we have either not been in the same country, or He has been busy. We have promised each other time this weekend. I am not getting my hopes up.

I find myself waiting to see what goes wrong.