There was a time that I did cheat on the boyfriend, although it wasn't with Mac. The guy I cheated with was Nicholas, a new and seemingly unattached man who was introduced to our group of friends by another woman. The timing was really wrong for me. My boyfriend of six months had told me the day before going away that he had just broken up with his girlfriend that he had been with for a year. I was surprised. I had thought we were exclusive and had no idea he was seeing someone else, let alone someone he had been with longer than me. He needed the time away to think. I needed the time away from him to think too. This is not an excuse for anything I did. It is just the way it happened.

Nicholas was a delicious man. Strong, intelligent, charming and good looking. He turned more than a few heads and I was shocked and, of course, flattered that he took an interest in me. I slept with him the day I met him, the day after my boyfriend's announcement about his other girlfriend.

Nicholas made me laugh and before I knew it we were back at my place and his tongue was in my mouth and I wanted it to stop but I really didn't want it to stop. I pushed him away, he gave me some space then he kissed me again and again I responded and soon we were naked, on the bed, fucking each other violently. He was cursing me and thrusting into me and I was whimpering and meeting each of his thrusts with a plea for more. I wanted him harder and faster and I wanted to hurt. He pinched my nipples and he called me a whore and I felt like my body was being pounded apart.

I came and I came and I came again, swearing and begging him for more. We were both drenched in sweat, we were both suffused in lust and when he came it was loud and intense and He pushed into me so hard that I thought I would split open. He lay on me quietly for a time then we started talking.

I was trying hard not to think about what I had just done. He seemed very casual about it all although he was aware that I did have a boyfriend somewhere. He started touching me and I didn't want him too but it felt so good to be touched. My breath caught and I knew I wanted him to fuck me again. He asked if I had a vibrator and I opened the bedside drawer and he chose the one he wanted, a little thing really. He told me to get on my hands and knees and I did, glad that there were no questions, just orders and all I had to do was as I was told.

He turned the vibrator on and ran it against my thigh, against my cunt and inside me. I squirmed and I moaned and he took it from me, replacing it with his cock. He fucked me slowly and I wriggled against him trying to get him to pound into me again. I needed it to hurt. He turned the vibrator back on and held it against my ass while his cock was deep inside me. I whimpered and pushed back against it, suddenly needing to be doubly filled. He slid it into me, slowly, going deeper with each push until it was almost all inside me. He then lay against me, using his body to hold the vibrator in place.

'Fuck,' he said, 'I can feel the vibrations in my cock.'
I came then, huge gasping sobs and he pushed himself further inside me and came too, swearing and biting at my shoulders. I lay on the bed crying and he kissed me and told me he had to go.

I was glad he left, I wanted him gone and I never wanted to see him again. I hated myself for what I just did, sex with an almost complete stranger, at my apartment, alone. I was dirty. I was stupid. I was nothing. I got up from the bed and I went and showered, the water as hot as I could stand using lots of soap. I scrubbed at his teeth marks, I scrubbed at his semen, I cleaned him from me the best I could and my skin was red raw by the time I went back to bed.

I masturbated then, painfully, hurting myself for being such a useless nothing, such a dirty slut and I fell asleep crying and promising myself that I would never ever see Nicholas again.

The next day when he knocked at my door, I let him in, and the next weekend, and the next. He told me he was too busy with work to see me through the week and I was glad of it. Being away from him was a relief. I hated myself for needing him so much. The third weekend was when I found out he was also involved with the woman who had introduced us, and was seeing (fucking) a couple of other friends of mine as well. I was hurt and I was angry though when I confronted him, he laughed and pointed out that as I had a boyfriend I was hardly one to judge. Having been found out by a few of us, he thought it was best that he disappeared and he did it very well. I only saw him briefly a couple of times over the next year and he smiled at me and said hello and asked how things were with the boyfriend. I told him we had worked it out and stayed together and he told me he was happy for me and left me with a throbbing aching cunt just from having him near.

The boyfriend had come back from his time away and had begged me not to leave him, promised me he would be honest with me from now on. He said he loved me, told me he needed me and as I had just been fucking another man I felt I owed it to him to give it another chance. I stayed with him another year and for the last six months of it I felt like I was drowning under his desperate need.

I did try and get in contact with Nicholas when the boyfriend and I split, but he had moved and changed jobs, even his email address was invalid. Then I remembered he was a lying ass and didn't try to find out where he had gone.

Some things are much better left just as they are.