Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, December 15, 2003
I feel kind of emotionally drained after the weekend W/we had, with Mac coming home and the whole Tony thing and everything I thought and felt. I would like to thank you all for the wonderful comments and support and belief in me. It means a lot to me to know that I am not alone in the way I feel. Mac tells me all the time that other women feel the same way I do, but at the same time, He suggests that it isn't wise to talk about these things with my friends. I know from experience He is right.
I have been thinking about collars this past week, because, well, I don't have one. That's not to say I am not 'collared' and all the things that means, it just means I do not wear a collar. W/we have play collars, which are great when used for sex. It puts me in a wicked state of mind to be wearing one and know that Mac is in control, but they are just for sex and usually only used when others are involved.
The reason I don't have His collar is really very simple. Things just kind of kept happening naturally for U/us, without much thought going into anything. I submitted to Him before either of U/us understood. W/we slipped into the relationship when neither of U/us had been expecting it. I became His sex slave because it seemed the natural role for me to take. W/we even just kind of moved in together.
I was over at His apartment one day because He was working from some files He had there. It was getting close to dinnertime and I went to His freezer and the contents were:
1 quart bottle of vodka (empty)
1 quart bottle of vodka (full)
1 quart bottle of gin (full)
So I threw the empty bottle in the bin, grabbed the two full bottles and told Him I was going to my place and He could follow when He got hungry. He tossed the files He was working on into a bag and arrived at my place ten minutes after I did and never sort of went back, except to clean out what was left there when the lease was up. When His mother started ringing my place before trying to call Him at His, W/we decided it was official and started calling it home.
As for being collared, W/we talked about it once and decided that W/we didn't need such things because W/we knew I belonged to Him, there was no need to formalise it. Then one night, months later, W/we were out on a sexual adventure, when one of the men there asked if I was collared. I told him I wasn't, but that I did belong to Mac. Mac had overheard this exchange and to the both of U/us it felt kind of weird. It wasn't really wrong, but it was strange and I knew it was playing on His mind, as it was mine.
W/we were driving home and I turned to Him and asked if I was collared. He said yes and it felt right. He asked if I wanted a ceremony and I had a mental cringe at the idea of U/us standing around saying things that W/we know and understand and no one else would get. Don't get me wrong, I have been to some beautiful ceremonies, weddings, collarings, commitment ceremonies, and I am sure people could tell me some of the wonderful things they did for their ceremony, it just isn't exactly U/us. So I said I really didn't want one and I think I saw the slightest look of relief. Since then, it has just been accepted between U/us and W/we never really talked about it again.
So why do I find myself suddenly wishing I had a collar? Mac loves me, I belong to Him, and nothing has changed. Do I want one because of the wonderful things I have been reading about collars on other blogs? Do I want it because while Mac was away last week I looked around this place and realised there was nothing of His that I could call mine? Do I want it because of the whole lusting Tony thing and I feel a need to show I belong to Mac? Is it simply just hormonal and will it go away in a few days time? Maybe it is just a combination of all these things that I am feeling and maybe, I just feel it is time.
As for the sexual collars, there is something that is deliciously arousing about being naked accept for the collar on my neck and the chain He is holding. I remember one day Mac had put a collar on both Emma and I and we both had chains attached and I was lying with Emma while Mac held the chains. Mac had already come inside me once and inside Emma once and He was lying next to us watching us kiss and lick and giggle with each other. I used my fingers to stroke her clitoris until she whimpered and shuddered and came. Then we would lick my fingers clean and she would do the same to me.
Mac pulled on the chains and we both looked at Him and He called us insatiable sluts. Emma and I both grinned at Him and crawled across the bed to Him as He pulled us in by the leashes. We both tried to kiss Mac, both our tongues reaching for His mouth so that He wasn't sure which of us He was really kissing and we both squirmed our bodies against Him and we both reached for His cock. Our hands fumbled over each other in an effort to jerk Mac and He growled at our impatience. He gripped my collar and pulled my head back to bite at my neck and Emma moved to slip her mouth around His cock. He kissed and bit and raped my mouth with His tongue controlling my movements just with His fingers under the collar and He pulled the chain tight controlling Emma's movements too. He came with His tongue in my mouth and His cock in Emma's and when He let us go Emma and I were both grinning happily. Emma moved up the bed and she kissed me and I could taste Mac's semen on her tongue. Mac pulled Emma's leash and she went to Him and kissed Him and then He pulled me to Him and He kissed me too and He settled us on either side of Him and told us to go to sleep. Much later after a lot more kissing, W/we did.
Hmmm, I wonder what Emma is doing tonight?