Kneeling before Him...
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Saturday, December 13, 2003
When I started this blog, I promised Mac and I that I would be honest. I also said that I would show U/us faults and all. That means that I should write about what happened last night even though I cringe when I think about it.
Last night I lusted another man. I can hear you all gasping in horror. (Not.) Of course I lust other men, on Monday night I sucked off a guy with Emma in an alley. You all know I am not an angel. But this was different. This was lust for a man, not just his cock.
I went out for a few after work drinks with some friends. There was a guy there I had never met before, Tony. Tony is very good looking. Built body, nice face, deep brown eyes and he had all the obnoxiousness that goes along with the looks. He was very much a 'God I am so gorgeous, every woman wants me', type guy. Apart from appreciating a good-looking male, I was not really all that interested. He tried to speak to me and I was a little bit short with him. That did not impress him at all and he got quite arrogant and his comebacks were sharp without being nasty and he made me laugh and he laughed too. People had drifted into their own conversations and he took me by complete surprise by asking if I had ever had sex with someone I hated, 'you know, the type of raw hungry sex where you just fuck out of sheer spite?' and my cunt clenched and I started to throb and I wanted him. He knew I had taken the bait and he did the one thing that would make me want him more. He walked away. He went and talked to some other people and I watched, narrow eyed, as he flirted with some girls. One of the girls I was talking with mentioned that she had been spanked the night before and Tony overheard and come back to ask if anyone had seen the movie 'Secretary' and I was the only one that had. We talked back and forth about what a good movie it had been and someone asked if it was porn. I said it wasn't and Tony asked how could I say that it wasn't porn when it was so erotic.
People fell off into their own conversations again and suddenly it was just the two of us talking quietly. He asked about a boy friend and I told him a little about Mac, that I loved Him and adored Him and W/we had a good relationship. I so desperately wished that Mac were there. I needed Mac to hide behind, to stop me from feeling the sheer lust for this guy. Tony asked if I had always had S&M fantasies and I wanted so much to tell him about me. My cunt was throbbing, my breasts were aching and I wanted nothing more to be on my knees, slowly jerking His cock, while telling this man what a bad girl I really am. I wanted to make him desire me, and moan for me and come because of me. I didn't want to fuck him, I had no need to take any pleasure in him, I just wanted to make him feel me. I wanted to please him. I wanted him to grunt with lust and I wanted to feel his semen spurt across my face. Then I wanted to make him do it again.
So I looked at him and I licked my lips and I quietly told him that his question was out of bounds. He asked what else was out of bounds and I told him that it was too hard to blanket such things. He nodded and moved away again and not long after, he left without even a goodbye. I stayed another hour or so, squirming uncomfortably against the wetness of my panties, feeling a little silly for acting like a panting schoolgirl while he had been there, and then I went home.
I was really surprised to find Mac waiting for me. He had managed to get a fight home earlier than expected and I was so happy to see Him. He hadn't called, as He had wanted to surprise me and had I have been much longer, He would have come looking for me. I threw myself at Him and wrapped myself around Him and because of the absolute ferocity of my greeting, He asked me what was wrong.
I told Him. Everything. And He listened attentively while I told Him everything. And then He told me His assessment of the situation. He felt that Tony posed no threat to U/us and if I felt a desire to make him come, then I had His permission to do so. If I saw Tony again and felt no desire for him, then I should do nothing. I pouted and I whined and I told Him that I wanted Him to tell me no. He asked if I wanted Him to be jealous and indignant, and that wasn't it at all. I know that Mac felt a little jealousy. I also know that a part of Him wanted to grab me and hold me close and not allow Tony near me and usually knowing he feels this is enough to make me feel right, but this time I wanted Him to actually do it. I wanted Him to hide me away from the feelings I had, I wanted Him to tell me not to feel that way. I wanted Mac to make it stop.
Wisely enough, He said He couldn't do that. I cannot use Him to hide from what I feel. He doesn't want me to long for Tony's pleasure and wonder what it would be like. He feels that if I desire it, I should have it. He believes I would be back quick enough. It still wasn't what I wanted Him to say, but I did understand why He said it.
W/we talked about the blog and my latest entries and W/we both smiled remembering that first time He had fucked my mouth. He was aroused, both by the memory and by the fact that I wanted nothing more than to please a male I was attracted too. He sees that as a very feminine trait and it appeals to His masculinity.
He told me to kneel and show Him exactly what it was that I wanted to do to Tony. I took His cock from His pants and I stroked it while I told Him how I like to be slapped and bitten and used. How hard I come when I have been whipped and the welts on my tits and pussy have been licked clean of blood. How much I enjoy fucking man after man until each has slaked His lust inside me. And how much the pain just enhances the pleasure I feel. Mac came in huge gushing spurts that landed hotly against my upturned face and I felt very small, very adored and very pleased with myself.
W/we showered together and went to bed and had deliciously raw sex with my fingernails digging into His back and His teeth bruising the skin on my breasts and W/we both came shudderingly.
I woke this morning and snuggled up with Mac and marvelled at just how good that feels. I watched Him while He slept and I thought about how much of an ass Tony was when I first met him and how easily I can forgive jerkiness when my cunt is made to clench and how quickly I lose interest once my lust has been slaked. I do wonder if Tony could make my cunt clench again but somehow I don't think he will. Still, he made for some great sex.
Mac is home. My breasts are sore. Life is just perfect again.