Kneeling before Him...
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Tuesday, January 06, 2004
I am going to go off on a tangent here, as I am prone to do. Well really it is not too much of a tangent, just a side step from yesterday.
The whole Alpha Male, submissive female on the Savannah thing is not a new concept. People have been studying it and writing about it for longer than I have been aware of it. Of course most of it is just theory, they didn't keep very good records back then. The theory does appeal to me.
Taisha said she doesn't agree with it, she is a switch, and needs people to full both her need to submit and dominate. I wouldn't expect everyone in this modern world to do or feel as I do. I do not have the ability to dominate. Don't get me wrong, I am not a doormat and I can attack and defend along with the best of them, I have a very strong drive to protect those I consider 'my crowd'. But I cannot just dominate someone. It doesn't come naturally and has to be forced from me with anger or demand, which I think does not make it dominance.
Taisha does have the ability to dominate and from reading her latest meeting with her friend, she does it in a way that would leave me panting for more even though I don't seek out dominant women. A lot of this would come down to nurture as well as nature. We change and grow in the environment around us. I often wonder if I would need the pain I do if I had not been belted as a child. Would I need that validation if my mother had less punishing on 'the dirty girl' and less loving on 'the good girl'? We can't remove the way we were raised out of us and say this is what is left.
The same goes for the wider world. I sit here today after having read the online diaries of people from around the world. After I have finished this post people from the UK, the US, Australia, and Europe will read what I have written. Information from all over is available to us and this affects us as well. As do the expectations that are now placed upon us. Women can now rule a country if they take the right paths. I remember my sister upsetting her careers advisor at school because when they asked what she wanted to be, she said a wife and mother. (She has been married 10 years and has 5 beautiful children.) She was told that motherhood was not a career and she should aim higher. A note was even sent home to my parents.
So even if it was the way of things, that a woman had to please her Male to survive back on the Savannah, I don't expect everyone would feel that way now. As I said yesterday, the imprint left on some of us is stronger than on others. I would even go so far as to say that in my case, it was reinforced through my upbringing. I don't think I am any better or less than anyone else. I am true to myself, as Taisha is to herself and I think that is the most important thing for people to be.
Which brings me to another thought. It was pointed out to me again yesterday in an email I received from a submissive female that she has noticed a high proportion of bisexually submissive females, which makes her feel in a minority as she is heterosexual. I don't know if she is correct or not but I have noticed a high number myself. I started questioning this, as I do with most things.
Is it possible that those with a strong need to submit could also strongly identify with other women? I am not saying this is true of everyone, but is it possible that some of the imprint from the Savannah leads some of us to bisexuality as well? Would not the women have sought each other out for comfort and warmth on the cold winter's nights while the men were off hunting? We often accept that men would use other men in earlier cultures when women were not available, yet I can't recall offhand any discussions on the women being with other women. Is that because women were not seen to need such comforts as sex? Yet I know that in my relationships, I am the one that requires sex more. I have had a lot of female friends express the same thing about their relationships. I know that Emma was given to me as a gift because Mac felt I needed her softness to offset His roughness. I needed another female to identify with. He said last night that it was to stop me for looking for the gentleness myself although He did admit that He doubts I would have. He did want me to have it, the soft love that He does not feel He is able to give, so He found a way to give it to me that was under His control. Emma is at a stage in her life where she is comfortable with and able to be the things W/we need and it fills a need in her too.
I call Emma a gift to me from Mac and she very much was. She doesn't mind being a gift, as she knows just how much W/we treasure her. W/we met her at a dinner at Mac's rugby club. She was there with a guy that played on Mac's team.
I was wearing a dress that just covered the bruises on my breasts that Mac had earlier made with His teeth and my panties were wet from the sex W/we had had just before leaving for the dinner. I teased Him constantly with my hand on His cock under the table or at His mouth covered in the stickiness from between my legs. He waited until W/we had finished the main course and then told me where I was to go and wait for Him.
I was sent to an unused room and I took off my panties and put them in my purse and waited. It was quite a while before Mac opened the door and I knelt on the floor and asked what I could do to please Him.
It wasn't until I was bent over a stool and Mac's cock was softening in my ass that I realised W/we were not alone in the room. I tried to stand but Mac had me well pinned down and was whispering in my ear to relax. The girl standing to the side and slightly behind us with her hand inside her panties was Emma.
She took her fingers from inside herself and asked if I would like to taste. Mac was still whispering in my ear telling me it was ok, Emma was there because He had allowed it and I could enjoy her and I somehow nodded yes and she painted my lips with her juices.
She didn't go home with the guy she was at the dinner with. Instead she went home with U/us. It took U/us some time to work out if and how she would fit into O/our lives, but she has been a part of U/us ever since.
I remember my mother called the day after to find out how the dinner had gone. I told her it had been delicious.