Kneeling before Him...
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Sunday, January 04, 2004
I would like to thank Fleshbot for linking to yesterday's post in their sex blog roundup. It was a pleasant surprise to see my post listed there.
Yesterday afternoon, I had a chance to discuss the sexual side of O/our relationship with Mac. I know that for Mac this is like pulling teeth and He sits through any introspection suffering from gnawing pains in His head waiting for me to go off on some tangent that He doesn't really understand. (That usually happens within the first minute or so.) The reason I started this introspection with Him was because He had been out for the morning and when He returned home He said to me, 'I have been thinking about you all morning and it made me horny. Isn't it nice that after all this time, just the thought of you will make me hard.'
The warmth I felt at His words was amazing. To know that He can be amongst other people, other women and His thoughts are with me fills me with satisfaction. I can think of no greater compliment to know that it is me that He desires. He has always said that I bewitched Him with sex and I would have to say He is right. I set out to entice Him to my bed from the moment He accepted me as His. I wanted Him there, I wanted to keep Him there and I have. I am not silly, I wont stop enticing Him to my bed because I know the moment that I do, some other girl will come along that will be just as pleasing and just as desirable and if He doesn't find the pleasure He wants in my bed, He will find it elsewhere. I know that by bringing Him the pleasure that I do He will stay my lover, my protector and my friend. I need Him in those roles.
W/we do have a very erotic relationship, and Mac will be the first to tell you it is because I make it so. He doesn't worry about the sex. He doesn't need too. He learnt long ago to relax and enjoy it, that I didn't want Him to try and please me. I wanted to be the one pleasing Him. He knows that I am ready for Him at any time He requires and that I will entice Him at all other times. Everything I do is geared towards one thing, the pleasure of my Male. I dress for Him, I write for Him, and even when I was with Emma on New Years Eve, I took our sex to Him and enticed Him with it.
I also know that there will be times that Mac will not be interested in sex and those times it will not matter what I do or say or use to entice Him the answer will still be no. I cannot talk Him into anything, including sex if He doesn't want to be talked into it.
There are times I crave domination, demand that He dominates me and He will be busy with other things and will ignore my demands. I will pout and He will smile at me and tell me no and ignore me. I will whine and carry on and He will smack my hand and tell me no and ignore me. I will cry and beg and He will hold my hand and tell me no. Or I will kneel quietly beside Him and wait for Him to be ready and He will stroke my hair and love me for my patience and when He is ready, the answer will be pleasure beyond what I imagined.
Of course, you only have to look at what He does to know that He is dominating me each time He tells me no. He is in control and that means the things I demand are not the things I always get. The strange thing about it is that if He gave me the things I demanded with each demand I made I would push for more and soon become bored. I need to be told no even if it frustrates me to the point of screaming.
The D/s part of O/our relationship is always alive and always there because W/we don't push to keep it at the same intensity all the time. I am not His slave, it would not be right for U/us to live that way. W/we would tire of it, He much more quickly than I, so W/we don't bother with it. W/we do the things that come completely natural to U/us and in the way that comes natural to U/us. W/we both know that with one look, one tilt of His head, one word, I will automatically submit to Him. When He told me to go to the bedroom on New Years Eve, I did. There was no question of disobeying. There were no thoughts of the guests or of anything else. My immediate job was to go to the bedroom and wait and I would have waited until He came for me. If it had been 5 minutes or an hour, I still would have waited because that is what He told me to do.
Because He knows I will obey immediately, because I know that I will obey immediately, it doesn't need to be acknowledged between U/us all the time. Because it is always there beneath the surface, I am free to be myself and fly. I am not saying this is right for anyone else, but it certainly is right for U/us.
This morning was a little different for U/us. He started it. Mac was given The Godfather movies on DVD for Christmas. He asked me this morning if I had seen them. I haven't. He then took great delight in teasing me with the description of the wedding scene where Sonny Corleone fucks one of the pretty bridesmaids up against a door. He embellished the scene with things that are in the book that they couldn't include in the movie and added more to it when He knew He was stealing my breath.
It seems somehow appropriate that I now know that O/our bedroom door is strong enough to fuck against. It was highly erotic to have my legs wrapped around His waist, my arms around His neck relying on Him totally for support. He actually drew blood from my neck as I pushed my head back against the door and whimpered when He came.
And when my feet were back on the floor and my tongue had finished exploring His mouth, the conversation went like this:
Mac: Want to know what I love the very most about you?
Sarah: Yes! (Grinning) Tell me what it is?
Mac: I love how, when I have come, whether or not you have enticed me, and you usually do, I love how DELIGHTED with yourself you always are.
Sarah: (Much giggling and gurgling and nibbling on His jaw.)
Mac: Even if I come in seconds. Especially if I come in seconds!
Sarah: (More giggling and nodding and trying to slip my tongue back into His mouth.)
Mac: This is how it is supposed to be, baby. Don't ever stop.
How could I not be madly in love with Him?
Now I have to go and make the starving one some breakfast before He fades away into nothingness. I get to walk around my kitchen smiling at the warmth of His semen trickling down my thighs, just like the bridesmaid does in the book (which I haven't read). Then O/our plans for the day are to watch a DVD or two and go for a walk in the snow, perhaps a quiet dinner with some loud friends.
I am glad it is my life. I really enjoy living it.