Kneeling before Him...
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Saturday, January 24, 2004
Whilst Mac and I were having my recent issues, people noticed that I was a little colder towards Him than normal. Although I never told anyone what was going on, I got a lot of unasked for advice from a girlfriend that I have known for a long time. We used to be really close, but she actually dislikes Mac and it makes it rather hard for me to talk to her, knowing she would be much happier if I wasn't with Him.
Her advice horrified me. She told me that when she and her partner are fighting, she withholds sex. On purpose. I know that Mac and I went without any sex for four days, but there was no concerted effort on either of O/our parts to withhold sex. I was being horrible to Him and therefore He had no desire for sex. If He had wanted it, asked for it, demanded it, hinted at it, He would have gotten it. My desire to please Him never changed, I just couldn't see how to do it.
She told me she doesn't give her partner sex unless he has done something for her. No blow job unless he has vacuumed, no intercourse unless he has washed up, no kissing unless he has put away all his clothes. She said it took her a couple of years to get him to understand that she has to be happy before He gets what He wants, but it was worth it. By this stage I was feeling rather ill.
I can't ever imagine a situation where bribery and blackmail are good for a relationship. I don't please Mac because of something He has done. I please Mac because I want too.
I mean, lets just imagine for it for a moment:
Mac's hands tangle in my hair as He forces me down to my knees. My fingers reach automatically for His pants, undoing them and freeing His already stiffening cock. I kiss it gently then look up at Him with lust in my eyes and whisper huskily 'Darling, did You take out the garbage?'
He freezes mid moan, with a sudden realisation in His eyes. 'Damn baby, I forgot.'
'Oh.' I say, standing up and dusting off my knees. 'Well, I guess if you don't have time to take out the garbage...'
Is anyone else seeing a girl aching for an argument?
I know people conduct their relationships differently and I know in some relationships, orgasm denial is part of the play and orgasms as a reward are used, but these are an acknowledged and agreed to part of the relationship, not just one person using sex against the other to get what they want.
I know in O/our relationship this would be a power that Mac would hold over me. I am the one that wants sex more often, I would be the one doing extra chores to please Him if He wanted it that way and I wonder just how long it would take before I resented that He was using it against me.
I think I have said before that I initiate sex between Mac and I, but that's not entirely true. I don't actually initiate the act itself, it's always His choice, what I do is encourage Him to be turned on. I entice Him into sex. I do this in a number of ways, like bringing the lotion to Him the other day and telling Him I wanted it on my breasts. I hoped it would achieve the reaction that it did. I also dress in the clothes He likes. I love that look of desire He gets when He sees me dressed up in an outfit He knows that I have worn especially for Him. I add sex to this blog, knowing that it turns Him on. I tell Him when I am ovulating.
Mac is not silly, He knows perfectly well that the things that I do are meant to entice Him to O/our bed. He enjoys it. He likes knowing that I will go out of my way to please Him. He likes knowing that I want Him that much. He has never used it against me and it would be a great breach of trust between U/us if He did.
Yesterday morning, He remedied the situation of only leaving a little semen on my breasts by coming all over them while I tit-fucked Him again. W/we talked for a little while, then He got up to go shower. I rolled onto my tummy and presented my ass up in the air. He grinned at me and told me 'No' and I smiled at Him and said 'Okay' and kept my ass in the air. He walked past me running His hand over my ass as He walked out the door. He was gone for maybe all of five seconds before He came back in the door and said 'For christ's sake woman, do you ever stop?' and I giggled as He climbed back on the bed and knelt behind me.
It was hard and it was deep and He made me push my thighs together to put more pressure on His cock and god I love it when He makes those noises as He comes. So after the four days without, He has come five times in two days, I really feel quite smug about that.
Last night when W/we went to bed He touched me. Not my clitoris, or even my cunt, but He touched me all over. He stroked the back of my knees and the inside of my elbows, the area below my breasts and my neck. He touched my tummy and my back and my inner thighs. He turned me on my side so that He could mould His body to mine behind me and He kissed my ear lobe. His arm was thrown over me, His hand rested on my breast with His fingers idly caressing my nipple. He hadn't been into the office yesterday and His unshaven jaw scratched against my neck and made me shiver.
'You are Mine.' He whispered. 'You are beautiful and desired and adored.'
I wanted to hold Him and I wanted to touch Him and I wanted to ask Him not to let go, but my back was to Him and I felt so warm and drowsy that I couldn't find the strength to turn over, or find the words to speak. I felt spoilt and cherished and I fell asleep before He did for the second night in a row.
I like being loved.
I like it very much.