Kneeling before Him...
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Wednesday, January 14, 2004
W/we talked, yesterday, about what W/we would do if a more dominant Male came along and caught my eye. Mac feels He leaves me open to this because I can't help but submit to the most dominant Male and He feels that if there was someone that was prepared to brutalise and dominate me the way I sometimes crave then my head would be turned and I would feel a need to be with this more dominant man.
Mac said His reaction would be to let me go. I believe Him. As much as I know it would hurt Him and as much as His instinct would be to lock me away and keep me for Himself, He would let me go. He feels there is no point in holding onto someone that is desiring someone else. He will not try to be the man I want to out dominate someone so He can keep me. He is who He is and if I don't love Him for the person that He is I may as well not be here.
I understand this, and love Him for it. He wouldn't be the man I think He is if He were willing to be someone else to please me. The thing is though, I doubt very much anyone else would ever love me for who I am the way that He does. I can live without total domination. I can live without being brutalized the way I sometimes crave. I don't need to be a slave. But I do need His approval and I need to know that He loves me just as I am.
There are times when a dominant man will come along and my cunt will clench and I will enjoy some banter and some flirting and I will appreciate the attention and the chance for slight, soft submission. There are times that I will actually be attracted to another male. I never let anything happen, other than allowing the soft, gentle, submissive side of me shine through. It has never lasted longer than Mac walking through the door because as soon as He does, all other men are forgotten. He is the one I want to be with, He is the one that I want to submit too. He is my One.
There are times that I want to be hit and punished and I know that Mac won't do it. There are times that I wish that He would take control of every part of my life. There are times that I crave a male that uses me completely for His pleasure and never cares about mine. There are times that I believe that I deserve it. Mac often jokes that I will go from craving it, to being wistful about it, to not wanting it at all within the space of an hour and usually He is right. These feelings within me pass. The important things, O/our love and O/our mutual respect, are always there.
I feel I am very lucky to have a Man that knows that I have these feelings and understands that when I submit to another male it is only a temporary thing until I can submit to Him again.
I wrote this a few days ago after I had knelt at Mac's side and W/we had talked about this blog and how much confidence it has given me. He told me He understands me better and He knows that I understand me better and I no longer think that I am strange. At least I am no stranger than anyone else.
(My apologies if you have already read this, I had posted it the other day on a different entry that I decided made little sense and removed.)
"She climbed upon His lap and snuggled herself into His neck and contented herself with listening to His heartbeat. His arms drew around her and held her securely. He rested his chin on her hair and she smiled at the way they allowed themselves to fit so well together.
'My beautiful angel' He whispered. 'I love you'
She smiled in answer and concentrated on matching her breathing to His. When she felt she had the rhythm she reached down between them and ran her hand over His groin. She felt his breath catch and she giggled as she freed His cock from His pants.
She nibbled gently along the line of His chin as her fingers stroked the length of Him, teasing Him with the softest of touches. He groaned in the back of His throat and she cooed softly to Him in reply. She licked gently at the corner of His mouth while her hand circled His shaft. He turned towards her and covered her mouth with His own. Her tongue licked His teeth and dove under His tongue and probed the roof of His mouth before His lips closed over it and sucked it gently. He growled and she gurgled in delight and untangled her tongue from His mouth so she could slip from His lap to her knees in front of Him.
His body tensed and His hands gripped at the armrest and she grinned up at Him while her hand still jerked Him. She opened her mouth and slid just the head of His cock inside her, jerking Him and sucking Him at the same time. She felt Him start to come and felt His hands push her head down onto His cock so that He was deep in her throat. She giggled and she choked and that made her giggle even more. She tried to swallow and she failed somewhat and she didn't care because her Man was coming and that was all that mattered.
She suckled and nuzzled at Him long after He was finished, cleaning Him and tasting Him and not really wanting to let Him go. Finally He pulled her back to His lap and she snuggled back against His chest. Her hand snuck down between them again and she idly played with His now soft cock as she listened to His heartbeat again.
'If you keep doing that, you will have to take my orgasm again.' He growled softly into her hair.
'I know' she giggled and hid her face in the crook of His neck.
'Christ' He whispered and she smiled smugly as she felt His cock pulse and start to stiffen once more."