Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, February 23, 2004
I want to be caned. So much so that it is invading my fantasies and holding my orgasms for ransom when I am on my own. I have this fantasy and it is one that I have had since I was young. I have a feeling it started with a Disney movie about some boarding school girls that got caught doing something wrong and were sent to the headmistress for punishment. They were each whacked with a paddle while the others looked on all teary eyed and very sorry for what they had done.
I have of course adapted this over the years so that it is hardly recognisable from the scene I saw first. People have changed and implements have changed and if I haven't fully explained my aversion to punishment, just let me make it clear right now. To me personally, punishment is something that I take very badly indeed. I can actually call to mind any of the punishments I received as a child, what they were for, how much it hurt and how much guilt I still feel from it. I can punish myself for a long long time.
I know what a cane feels like when it hits. I don't like it. That awful swish, that sharp sting, followed by a numbness that turns into a blinding burn across the ass. I do not like it at all. I have been known to burst into tears and try to escape before his arm was even raised and yet right now, I want it.
I sometimes wonder how I can crave these things that I despise so much. But I know that I want them just so I can cry. I want the comfort of crying. I want the comfort of big strong arms around me and a rough Welsh voice telling me to hush. I want to hurt so that He can take the pain away and in this one, I want to suffer so that Emma is there to comfort me as well.
And of course, I get a thrill out of scaring myself too.
This is something I would never ask Mac to do because I know He would say no. I know He has no desire to hurt me this way. But I also know right now that He would allow me to kneel before Him and He would pull my hair and slap my face as He used me for His pleasure. I know He feels this desire inside me and it feeds His desire and makes it grow. I am content to keep this as a fantasy, for now, at least.
"She reached across the table and Emma took her hands, their eyes locking and holding a conversation all of their own. She could see the concern in Emma's eyes and knew that the fear must show in hers. Emma pulled her across the table so that her upper body lay flat against the surface, her feet still on the floor. She knew her ass presented a perfect target and she gripped Emma's hands tighter and waited.
She heard the swish-swish of the cane cutting through the air as he tested it's cut and tears welled up in her eyes.
'Shhh,' Emma encouraged. 'It will be alright.' But they both knew it wouldn't be.
The first stroke landed and Sarah screamed and tried to pull her hands from Emma's grip. Emma held on tight knowing that it would only be worse if Sarah were not restrained. She cried and she tugged and still Emma held on to her, saving her ass from more pain.
Sarah stopped struggling as the white-hot pain subsided and she laid her head on the cool surface of the table.
'One,' she whispered.
The second stroke was delivered on top of the first and again Sarah struggled against her bonds. Emma whispered to her and tried to calm her as Sarah did her best to pull away. Sarah cried even harder and Emma used her voice to soothe her and again Sarah stopped.
And the cane came down for the third time and this time Sarah did her best to hold on to Emma, the one point of sanity she could see.
Again the cane cut through the air. Emma was crying too and still whispering words of encouragement as Sarah sobbed into her arm.
As the last stripe bit into her ass Sarah's scream echoed around the room. Emma still held tight to her hands, knowing that there was still more to come.
'Five,' Sarah gasped and slumped against the table, allowing her body to relax. His foot between her legs, kicking them apart did not alarm her, or the feel of Him pressed against her. He moved away and she felt her stomach stir.
The cane tapping against her inner leg confirmed her fears and the butterflies in her belly took flight.
'No,' she whispered. 'Please don't.' The tap, tap, tap continued. She could hear the sticky slap as it landed in what were obviously her juices and she blushed as he tapped her again.
He tossed the cane aside and stepped in behind her and she felt him guiding his cock to her cunt. He thrust himself into her, holding on to her hips to pull him further inside. She cried out as his body rubbed against her abused ass and she realised that she was about to come. Emma let go of her hands and held onto Sarah's face and she kissed her with both love and lust as the orgasm rocked through Sarah's body.
He slapped her ass and her cunt clenched and Sarah felt Him spill inside her, his body falling against hers and making her cry out again.
He picked her up and carried her to the bath and she sobbed as the water stang the welts. Emma washed her carefully, soothing the pain with the gentleness of her hands. When Emma had finished he carried her to the bed and stretched out beside her, pulling her to him to rest."
Sighs. I think I need to be fucked really hard.
Gosh I hope He comes home today.