Kneeling before Him...
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Sunday, February 08, 2004
Two entries back Mac and I had a little discussion in comments about Greg and the fisherman. I said then that I would explain about the fisherman and tell the story so that's what I am going to post about today.
I wrote this story after Greg had left me for the other woman. I was scared and felt very alone. I wrote it about the Man in my life that was always there for me during times that I was hurt and the times that I cried and the times that I fell down hard. If you read the long version of it you will know that I had watched Mac hurt and had wanted to take away His pain and I wanted to bring Him happiness. You will see that I adored Him from afar and kept Him in my heart and more than anything else I was scared that He would see me and He would know how deep my love for Him was.
And that's where it gets complicated. Once I had written the story I was very proud of it. It was the first thing I had actually ever written that I felt I could show people, so I did. I showed everyone I could think of, except Mac. I was petrified He would see straight through me and say 'Sarah, this is about me.' If He did that, I thought I would die.
No one saw the connection though. They all knew me well and all loved it and all said I should write more, but none of them saw me in the story, or saw Mac in the story and I thought I had hidden it well enough to show Him. I emailed it to Him one day and waited on edge for Him to reply. I was scared that He would like it and frightened that He wouldn't like it and when He replied I couldn't breathe. He knew.
I then did the only thing I could think of doing. I lied. I told Him that it wasn't about Him, it was about Greg. Greg was my fisherman. Months later, after He and I were together, He told me that when I had said it was Greg He had spluttered and choked and thought, 'who cares, it was a stupid story anyway,' and He had pushed it aside and not thought about it anymore. And I was in a silly place where I couldn't admit I had lied so I let Him keep believing it was Greg.
I didn't tell Him the truth until W/we had been together for 11 months and only then because I got scared that something would happen and He would never know. I asked Him to promise me that no matter what happened between He and I, He would keep the story in a safe place and show it to His grandchildren and tell them that it was written for Him. He smiled at me and told me it wouldn't matter if He lost it, I would have it somewhere and He would just get it off me.
I was joking with Him in comments when I said the fisherman was Greg. I guess that is one thing that is still too close to the surface to joke about. I want Mac to know that there is only one fisherman in my life. He is the Man that I have loved from the first moment He smiled at me. He is the one that has let me dance when I needed too and cry when I couldn't find the beat. He is the one that saw the fairy inside of me and told me she was beautiful. He is the one that encouraged me to fly.
The link will take you to the full story of The Nymph. Those that have been through my archives may have read it from my very first post.
Posted below is a shorter version for those who don't feel like clicking the link. I don't think it is as good as the long version, but still it will give you the idea. I hope you enjoy it.
The nymph landed soundlessly on the window frame. The cool night air blew around her naked form as she effortlessly tucked her wings behind her. A trickle of water leaked from the jet black curls that surrounded her face and ran unnoticed over the swell of her breast, hanging from a pert nipple for one delicious moment before falling to the sill in front of her. Lithely, she moved forward to the edge of the window. The smells of the indoors invaded her senses, dust, soap, perfumes and more. Her mind quickly sifted through them, isolating and discarding each until she found the scent she was looking for. The smell of him. Closing her eyes, the tiny sprite took a deep breath, allowing her body and mind to be engulfed in his scent. How wonderfully wild he smelt. A creature of nature, tamed to this world of humans but never so at home as when he was out in the woods.
That was how she had first seen him. Standing in the cold water, a strange pole in his hands. His face at peace. She had watched him for a long time, seen him jerk the pole, and heard the fish cry out. She had known then what he was doing, and even as her heart went out to the fish, she knew that nature's way was for one to die so another may live. His obvious delight in his catch had made her smile and that had been the beginning of her obsession.
She stepped from the edge of the window into the air without forethought, her wings spreading behind her, holding her steadily. His rhythmical breathing was the only sound in the room. She flew towards the sleeping form, his face barely visible above the top of the sheet. A smile played about her lips, she was not always lucky enough to find his face uncovered. She did not understand his need to cocoon himself against the world when he slept, but she accepted it as one of the many things she would always find curious about him.
Floating above him, she stared at him, devouring the lines of his face with her eyes, wanting each to be committed to her memory for later inspection. The rise of his nose, the pout of his lips, the soft curve of his cheek. She wished that she could watch him like this forever, but already the water was calling to her, she knew she could not remain away from her life source much longer. Carefully she lowered herself onto his pillow. Boldly she reached out and touched his cheek, marvelling once again at how the soft skin of his cheek gave way to the course texture of the ungrown beard. She allowed herself to touch his cheek again, before taking flight once more. Landing lightly on his chest, his heartbeat thundered through her tiny form. She revelled in this a moment before once again extending her wings to float above his face.
Darting in quickly between his breaths she kissed his lips, then the tip of his nose and finally she placed a tiny kiss on each of his sleeping eyes. This was her time with him, for these few moments each day he belonged totally to her. She knew the foolishness of her actions, they could never be together, their worlds were so far apart, a distance that could never be travelled. And yet she could not stop coming, anymore then the wind could stop blowing. He was her secret, no one else would understand the love she felt for him. Once more she floated above him, the call of the water was louder now, she had been away long enough, it was time to return to her real life, her fantasy over until the next time she visited. A tear, no bigger then the point of a pin, fell from her eye and landed softly on his cheek. Instantly his eyes flew open and she found herself falling into the depths of the deep blue eyes that studied her intently.
He blinked, and she was gone. He stared at the space his dream creature had inhabited. He smiled at himself. She had come again during his sleep, as she did every night. A perfect creature, one that loved him deeply and watched over him intently. He knew she was just a figment of his own imagination, and yet he could not help but adore her as if she was real. He did not share his dream with anyone, they would not understand the way in which this creature had become real enough for him to feel the touch of her hand upon his cheek. Turning over, he pulled the covers up over his head and hoped he dreamed of her again as he slipped back into his sleep.
A world away she dove into the water, unafraid that he had seen her, for she had seen love in his eyes. Surrounded by her bedding of water she slipped peacefully into her own dreams, knowing that soon the time would come for him to belong to her once more.