Kneeling before Him...



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Saturday, February 14, 2004

W/we are in Turkey right now. I have not been entirely myself of late so when Mac knew that He would need to be in Turkey for at least a week, He decided that I should come too. W/we didn't expect the blizzard though. So I am in a strange city, in a country where I don't speak the language, snow bound in a hotel.

The good news is Mac has spent more time with me than W/we thought He would, first because of the adventure and second because He was also snowbound for most of yesterday morning. Frantic calls from the office did manage to get Him a car for some afternoon meetings, but no one wanted to be out in it if they didn't have to be.

Mac didn't want me out in it at all. So I read and I watched some television and I wandered around the hotel a little. And of all things, I found a friend. Sort of. Well, I found someone to talk too. Tina is a nice woman, early 20's who is staying in the hotel with her partner. She was wandering around while I was and we started talking because there were not many others about. We ended up in the hotel bar/restaurant playing cards and sharing stories about how we ended up in Turkey in a blizzard.

Turns out she is the "other" woman. Her partner is an older married man. She often accompanies him on business trips out of town. Like Mac, his office had managed to find a car that would get him to the office so she was left to her own devices for the day. We ate dinner together since neither of the men had returned and she was quite a little bubble of chatter.

Then her partner came looking for her. I was shocked. He was completely different to what I expected. The way she had spoken about him I expected him to be a somewhat older version of Mac. Older was right, but this guy kind of looked like he was on the verge of a nervous break down. He was kind of creepy and really looked his age. That wasn't really what shocked me, I know when someone is in love they don't see their one the same way that others do. What shocked me was that she knew it. She was not in love with this man.

I told Mac this later on. He looked at me bewildered.

'She told you that?'

She hadn't told me any such thing of course. She had led me to believe that this man was her knight in shining armour.

'So how do you know?'

Because I saw the way his appearance in the room dulled her spark. Because underneath her warmth in greeting him there was a hesitancy in her kiss. Because suddenly her demeanour felt forced. Because I am a girl and I see these things. Because I know.

Mac doesn't see these things. He would have believed that Tina was madly in love because she told Him she was. That's not to say that Mac is naive. It is just that He is the type of person that doesn't dance around with airy-fairy words. If He says something He means it and it may not be what you really want to hear. It will just be the way things are.

Mac and I have different perspectives, different ways of viewing the world. Luckily enough O/our perspectives compliment each other. Because Mac keeps Himself firmly planted in the everyday world, there is no need for me too. Because I see the undercurrents of people's reactions, He doesn't need too. Because He believes in reality, I can believe in magic and adventures can happen.

I write about the adventures in the way that I see them and feel them happen. I know if they were written from Mac's point of view they would be completely different. I know there are things that go on that I am unaware of and Mac and I like to keep it that way, but I will say what little I do know in the hope of answering a couple of the questions I was asked.

The reward did come before the begging, probably a long time before. I don't know how long ago Mac started the organisation of the adventure and I really don't want to know, to me it started when He called and told me to be ready. These guys are not men that were picked up off the street. They are well-mannered, quick witted, intelligent men. When it comes to these adventures, Mac does His homework so that I don't have to be afraid and I am not left fucking meatheads that don't deserve to be fucked.

As for safe sex, again that is something I leave up to Mac. The men know the rules, Mac enforces them and never has He relied on someone else to provide the necessary equipment. Nor have W/we had any trouble. (Except for the time back in college when Mac picked up that woman who was hitch hiking. But that was before He and I were U/us and I shan't embarrass Him by mentioning that.) Sure W/we take a chance, but there is nothing that is 100% safe, so W/we protect O/ourselves the best W/we can.

Yesterday Mac got me to a stage when I was coming and coming and coming and couldn't stop. He got a call from work and answered the phone and my fingers took the place that His tongue had just left and I continued to come while He watched and talked on the phone. He finished His call and it was another ten minutes before I had calmed enough to be able to talk to Him.

Today I am just feeling detached and waiting for the day to finish. I know its only morning, but I really hope it is over soon. I know it is an adrenaline drop and I know it will go away, but right now I am just past caring.

Any one got a prescription for the post-endorphin rush blues?

Posted by Sarah McBroden at 9:59 am

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