Kneeling before Him...



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Tuesday, March 09, 2004

I woke this morning and I reached between my thighs and smiled when I felt the slickness there. I lay there playing in the semen that He left in me last night, and I thought about Ben's semen too. And there was that girl from Sunday and Mac's comments about being with them and I wondered if He was with them how I would feel. I tried pushing the thought away but it just kept pushing back and it bothered me in a way I don't understand.

Mac watched me make love to Ben, helped me make love to Ben and yet the thought of Him being with that girl makes my stomach lurch. And the silly part about it is that Mac wouldn't really want to. At least I don't think He would want too. Would He?

In the time W/we have been together I have only ever seen Him with one other woman, Emma. There have been no others for Him. He told me long ago that there is no point in having the sex, unless you want the woman and He also told me there are so very few women that He wants. I asked Him how many women did He want and He said that Emma and I were all. I believe Him, there are many women He could have had that He chose not too.

But this morning as I ran my fingers through Mac's semen and over my clitoris, I thought about Mac, Ben and that girl. I thought about watching them from a closet or through a wall, in a way that they didn't know they were being watched. I imagined Ben fucking her, her fingers in his hair holding his mouth to hers while she made him shudder and come. And I saw Mac watching on, His cock rigid with desire and impatiently waiting for Ben to finish.

Then Mac sat her on a stool, as He had done with me and she wrapped her legs around Him and pulled Him inside her. I could see that He was fucking her and see that He was enjoying her and it hurt to know that she could give Him pleasure the way I can. Then she reached beneath them and caressed His balls, tracing through Ben's semen that had leaked onto them. She brought her fingers to her mouth and sucked the come onto her tongue then offered her tongue to Mac to suck. Mac took it in His mouth then she leaned back and He spat Ben's semen onto her tits. And then He kissed her.

I hated her, and I hated Him and most of all I hated me for being aroused at such a scene. I came when He entered her, I came when He spat on her and I came when He came in her too. I wanted to hurt her and I wanted to hurt Him and I wanted to fuck Him and make Him come in me.

If Mac asked me if it would bother me if He fucked her, I would say yes because I have promised Him to tell Him the truth. If He said He wanted to, I wouldn't stop Him because I want Him to have what He wants. If He did it, I don't think I would leave Him. I would hope that if He were going to, He would discuss it with me first and I think He would take my feelings into consideration. But it is impossible for me to take the high moral ground when there have been so many men in O/our bed. It would be hard for me to deny Him what I have so often enjoyed and I would have to deal with it the best I could.

O/our choices have consequences.

I guess that is something I shouldn't forget.

Posted by Sarah McBroden at 7:02 am

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