Kneeling before Him...
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Thursday, March 04, 2004
The lines between reality and fantasy sometimes blur around here. There are times W/we live out fantasies with a group of men and sometimes women. There are times when I do have sex with strangers. Then there are other times that Mac and I use words while W/we are fucking that mess with each other's heads and bring others to the bedroom without them actually being there. Those that read me often would know this is nothing new for U/us. You would have read about it before.
These telling of fantasies during sex are very powerful. Usually I am already highly aroused and completely willing to be fucked, but this takes it a step higher. It's sexy and erotic. It's a mind fuck and I happen to agree with the people that say that the most powerful sex organ in the body is the brain.
On Tuesday morning, both Mac and I were in a really strange place mentally. Neither of U/us really wanted Him to go away. W/we didn't say it, there was no point but it was in every look and every touch and each smile. I have also been in a really unusual mood of late. I don't know if it showed in my writing here, but I have been feeling very submissive, very much His and I have shown it to Him in the simplest of ways, including needing to make Him come to put things right. There were other things, such as going out without complaining when I really didn't want to go and sitting next to Him quietly while He watched shows He likes and I don't. I have been putting in extra effort to make His favourite foods and keep the things in the cupboard that He likes to snack on. I have wanted so much just to be His good girl. And He has noticed.
After I wrote the blog on Tuesday morning I went to snuggle up with Him for a few hours before He had to leave but snuggling wasn't what was on His mind. He said that His cock was throbbing and I asked how He would like me to make Him come. He then asked me how I would most MOST like to make Him come and that presented me with a problem. I didn't know how to answer. I knew He wanted me to be honest with Him and I thought I would disappoint Him with my answer so I wracked my brains for a moment trying to think what I should say.
The thing is, the way I most want Him to come is the way He wants to come and I was trying to figure out what that would be. He was watching me with slight amusement on His face, watching me trying to decide and I finally gave up.
'That's too hard to answer,' I whined and He smiled at me and suddenly it struck me that all I had needed to say was 'however you want to come.'
'Do you feel like being very submissive bordering on humiliated?' He asked.
And without hesitation I said 'Yes'.
He got me to dress in an old shirt that I had put aside to be thrown away and when I stepped near Him He grabbed at it and ripped it, down from the neckline and up from the back so that my ass and one breast was exposed. I never spoke while He did it, already slipping into a space where I knew that I existed only for Him. I had no idea what He had in mind and I really didn't care, so long as I was allowed to make Him come.
He ordered me to kneel on the floor and to hold out my hands and I obeyed each command instantly. He bound my wrists together with a piece of rope, tight enough so that there wasn't room for my hands to squirm, then pushed me sidewards so that I fell, my hands unable to help me hold myself up. I rolled to my back instinctively and He lay over me, dragging my legs up as He did.
He fucked me for a long time. He used His cock, His fingers and two dildos in different combinations to make me feel like W/we were not alone. He talked to me, telling me of the men who were using me and made me feel desperate to make each one come. There were times that both my ass and cunt were filled with cocks and times my ass was fucked while a cock was pushed down my throat. There was one time that I lay over Mac using my muscles to squeeze His cock and kissing Him when He suddenly pulled my head back by my hair and forced me to suck on the dildo and I lived it, I felt a man fill my mouth with his come, and I choked and gagged before He let my hair go and I kissed Him again. He smeared my juices down my thighs and on my tits and in my hair and told me it was the semen of the men and I lived that too, knowing that there had been so many that I must be drenched in their come.
He bit me on the neck, on my shoulders and breasts and on the inside of my thighs, hard bruising bites that I am still aware of today. He called me names, whore, slut, cunt, bitch, and told me the only thing I was good for was to fuck. I screamed and I whimpered and I moaned, I came so many times I had no hope of keeping count. I hurt and I ached and He forced tears from my eyes but I took everything He gave me and I didn't cry.
When He thought it was enough He dragged me to my knees and gave me a moment to catch my breath. I knelt before Him quietly, waiting for what He wanted next, knowing He wasn't finished with me because His cock was still rock hard and He hadn't come. My cunt ached, my ass burnt, my thighs and tits stung from the juices on the bites. My face felt sticky and hair was damp with sweat. I was exhausted, really exhausted and I felt like I had given Him everything I had but I so badly wanted Him to take more.
When He stood in front of me I went to reach for Him with my bound hands and He slapped my face and told me I wasn't to use them at all. He held my hair so very tightly and He thrust His cock into my mouth. He withdrew and slapped me again then thrust Himself inside my mouth once more. He withdrew and He slapped me again. He never let go of my hair, pulling it tighter and tighter each time He slapped me and tighter again as He thrust His cock inside. He told me later that He thought that I would start to cry but I remember thinking that I wanted Him to be rougher and hoped to god that He didn't stop.
He slapped and thrust into me again and again. My cheeks were burning and my throat was bruised and still I wanted Him to go on. He held my hair tighter still and wrapped His fingers around my throat and I looked up at Him while He squeezed. I started to choke and He let go of my neck and He slapped me again. He thrust His cock into my mouth again and this time He left it there as His body jerked and His semen spurted into my throat. I gagged and sobbed and sobbed again then I started to cry.
He helped me to my feet, then picked me up and carried me to the bed. He lay beside me, holding me and whispering to me, telling me I was a good girl and His princess and how much He loved me and I cried a little more, but it wasn't really the release I needed because I was all too aware that He was leaving. I refused to sleep although I was tired, not wanting to miss a moment of being with Him. W/we stayed together as long as W/we possibly could before He untangled Himself and walked out the door.
It probably wasn't the wisest thing W/we have ever done, having such rough sex before He had to leave me here on my own, but like I said yesterday it feels like a part of me is on hold. I have a feeling that when Mac gets home all the defences will come down and I will want desperately to feel His semen on me again.
(Please let it be today!)