Ok, I know what it is, no point in kidding myself anymore. I know what I want. I want to be used, I want to be slapped and hurt and dragged to the edge of hell. I want to be forced, I want to be raped, I want to do things that I loathe to love. I want to be tied, oh god how I want to be tied. I want the leather cuffs on my wrists. I want His teeth tearing at my skin. I want the music loud and violently horny. I want it pounding and heavy, I want it full of hot hard noisy sex.

Fuck love. I know I love Him. I know He loves me. But the good girl is tired. The angel wants to let the filthy little slut take over for a while. I want to beg. I want to beg for more while I scream at Him to stop. I want to whimper and cry and know that my pleas for mercy will be ignored. I want to be fucked, relentlessly, rutted with like a filthy animal that deserves to be treated like this.

Make me crawl to You, dare me to look at You and slap me if I do. Make me call myself names, slut, whore, cunt, make me wear them, mark me with them, mark me with Your hands. Drag me to the floor and show me how a dirty whore is treated, show me how a nasty slut is used. Pull my hair and bruise my neck, bite my tits until I scream and slap me until I don't scream anymore. Hurt me, damn You, hurt me. Please?

And come for me. God yes, come for me. Come in me and on me and over me. Use me as a toy to please Yourself. Use me to clean You, my hair, a willing rag, my tongue a willing bath. Take Your semen from my ass and feed it to me, watch me lap at it like a greedy little cunt, so hungry for Your come that I will take it from anyway You choose.

Wrap Your hand around my neck and take away my right to breathe. Make me fight You for every bit of air, make my survival dependent on You. I promise You I will come. I promise You that I will shudder with absolute pleasure. I promise You that I will shatter into a million little pieces that only You can put back together right.

This morning when I sit quietly with You at the table, know that I am aching to feel the strength of Your hand and know that I understand that it takes time that You don't have and energy that You can't give. When I smile at You I mean it, I am truly happy, just being with You fills me with joy. And when You put Your fingers around my neck and softly squeeze as You kiss me goodbye, I will know You feel my need too.

And when there is time...

I will be patient.