Kneeling before Him...
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Wednesday, April 07, 2004
I sometimes wonder if He knows how big this lust inside me is. I have this awful aching need for Him deep inside my body. It's more than just a desire to have Him. It's more than just a need for orgasm. I can take care of that at any time. My need is for Him.
It can start with as simple a thought as kneeling before Him, His hand in my hair and before I know it this ache in my gut is beyond my control. I find myself desperately searching for things that will drag my mind away from the constant nagging in my groin. Each movement is torment, each minute drags on and I know that He may not be able to fill my need today or tomorrow due to reasons beyond His control. There are times that I wish to cry in frustration, and times I want to tear at my sex and drag this need away and there are times I want to curl up in His lap and bury my head in His chest and hide from this feeling inside me.
Yet, I encourage this feeling, I make it grow. I want to feel this desperate need for Him. I want to feel this awful desire. I want it to ache and to take control of me and force me to places I have always feared to go. I want it to call to Him, to bring Him to me. I want to feel it so that when He buries His cock deep inside me I can revel in the relief that it brings, before the feeling inside me grows again.
I fear that I will have to live with this feeling forever. I fear that I will never have this feeling again.
I want to ask Him to fill my need, but I am afraid that His answer may break the tenuous control I have so instead I kneel and I wait and I hold onto the thoughts I have of Him until He comes to me and makes use of me again.
I am ready for whatever He desires.