Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, April 26, 2004
Sorry this post is late. Mac and I spent the morning in bed being extremely decadent with our sex. I am still trying to work out how it all made me feel so I shan't write about it today, but I will try and write down my feelings on it tomorrow. Instead I am going to write about something that happened when I was younger.
I was almost 15 when I lost my virginity to James. I shan't write about that experience because, well, it just wasn't sexy. It was mainly just painful. I don't know of any girl with a romantic, sexy, fun loss of virginity story. If anyone wants to tell me one, please do! James was 19 at the time and completely unaware of my virginity and my age. He didn't find out how old I was until quite some time later.
I was one of those girls that they call 'early developers.' In other words by the time I had turned 13, I had a c cup bra and my period. I adored boys. I had never found them to be icky creatures. I loved being around them. They were mysterious and they smelt good and I would have been completely happy if all my friends were boys. I found that older boys didn't mind me being around as much as ones my age did. Boys my age were hardly interested in girls unless they were going to show them their tits. I was actually quite prudish about this and had no desire to show just any boy my breasts, probably because I had more than the other girls I knew. (Damn it. There is nothing worse for a teenage girl than to be different!) Because of this I found my big brother's friends much more interesting than the boys I went to school with. I had often found myself flirting with boys much older than myself, but the boys knew I was "just a kid" and none of them took it further. Some how, when James came along, he wasn't told about my age and as I was sometimes dragged from nightclub to nightclub with them, He thought I was older. When He found out how old I really was we had already been secretly sleeping together for a while. It didn't seem to matter much by then.
One day, when I was 16 almost 17 and James and I had become a bit more open about the fact that we were seeing each other I was hanging out at James's apartment. One of James's friends had come over and then a couple more and I was pouting because we had spent the morning having decadent sex and all I wanted to do was curl up with James and go to sleep. All the boys wanted to do was get stoned and drink beer and act stupid with each other. James never allowed me to get stoned and never got stoned, he told me the whole idea of getting off your mind was insane to him. He would drink, but wouldn't allow me to do that either, so afternoons with his stoned drunk mates would drive me nuts because I could see just how stupid everyone was being. After I had acted really pissy for a while James sent me to bed alone.
This did not please me I was really cranky at him. I had stomped up the hallway and gone into James's room and tossed myself on the bed. I left the door open because I wanted to hear what was being said. Boys would walk past the bedroom to the bathroom and I would close my eyes and feign sleep when they did. I noticed that sometimes, when one walked past, they would slow down when they spotted me asleep on the bed. The thought of being looked at turned me on. I started thinking about one of them coming in to touch me and I found that I was squirming on the bed.
As I squirmed about, my top came down a little. As I moved about some more it came down a little more. I knew that it was wrong, but I also knew that a few of the guys had seen me asleep and I knew I could get away with it. I "accidentally" exposed one of my breasts. I lay on my side facing the door and felt my pussy throb and heat up. I was extremely aroused at the naughtiness of what I was doing, and at the thought of James's friends seeing the tits that he adored so much.
I was so nervous that I could hardly think past the pounding of blood in my ears but I did hear someone coming. I held still and tried to breath calmly. I heard the person stop at the doorway and then carry on to the bathroom. Whoever it was stopped on the way back from the bathroom as well and then moved back out into the living room. I know of at least two more that stopped on their way to the bathroom though it could have been the same guy three times, I don't know. The sex of the morning overtook the lust I was feeling and I really did fall asleep. When I woke I was no longer facing the doorway and James was sucking at my breast. Everyone had gone home and he had come to lie down with me and had found my top around my waist and my breasts ready for his enjoyment.
I never told him what I had done and I don't think he ever knew that some (at least one) of his friends had seen. Back then it seemed like such a big deal to have his friends see my breast but now, breasts are so readily available in magazines and on television I am a little embarrassed at what a silly little girl I was. I wonder now if any of them felt even a tinge of desire to see me like that. I wonder if they felt anything at all.
I would like to think that they did.