Kneeling before Him...
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Thursday, April 08, 2004
There was a party once, back before Mac and I were together. It was a good party, lots of alcohol, plenty of laughter and fun. A girl W/we know, Susan, misplaced her very drunken boyfriend and after a while of not knowing where he was she started to get worried. So she called his mobile phone. He didn't answer, but she could hear it ringing. She rang it again and followed the sound down into the garden. Her boyfriend was standing off in the darkness, behind a tree and as Susan asked what he was doing the girl on her knees in front of him took his cock out of her mouth, looked Susan in the eye and jerked him through what was reportedly a spectacular orgasm.
Mac said to me later that only a girl would be that cruel. These two girls were friends. I wanted to argue with Him and say I would NEVER do anything like that. But then I remembered that I did date the guy one of my friends at school liked, because I was upset with her over something she had done. Girls can be that cruel. Even to the people that they love.
This brings me to Emma and Christine. I love them both, but in different ways. Emma is my friend, my confidante, and my lover. She is the person I whisper my deepest darkest secrets too, even the ones that I keep from Mac. Sometimes when I am sad and feel broken, the only person that knows it is Emma. I hide it from everyone else, especially from Mac. He gets the false cheerfulness and the gentle kiss on the cheek and the wishes of have a nice day and Emma gets the darkness and the tears and she knows just how bad the day is. At times she mothers me and nurses me back to happiness and at times I do the same for her. We have an understanding, a bond that I have never felt with anyone else and probably never will again.
Christine is my best friend. We have been through some tough times together and I love her but I don't always like her. She has a nasty streak in her that strikes out when she doesn't get what she wants. For a while when I was lost and lonely, when I had found submission but not One to submit to, I guess I submitted to her. I am of the belief that each relationship we have with people involves an exchange of energy. Some people always drain you and some people always leave you feeling energised. Most people make you feel nothing. Sometimes that changes due to the time of the month and other things going on. Right now I know that everything is draining Mac, because work is making everything just that little bit too much effort. I am not taking it personally (most of the time.) Christine is someone that needs to drain people to feel better about being herself and she enjoyed the power I gave her when I submitted to her. When Mac came along, it stopped. I didn't need to submit to her anymore. To say she was upset about this is a huge understatement, and ever since she found out that Mac and I are together, she has tried to convince me to end it.
Christine's reaction to Emma has never been wonderful, Christine has always been jealous of any other friends I have, but after the weekend I am sure it is going to get much worse between them. There are things that Mac, Emma and I never thought about but should have, because girls notice things. Emma always leaves places when W/we do, (usually because she is coming back to O/our place for the night). Emma is always the last guest to leave O/our place, (because she is usually staying the night). Emma's car stays in the driveway. I guess also there are little 'in' jokes that only Emma, Mac and I will get. (I don't think the three of U/us will ever be able to cope with hearing anyone sing "Every sperm is sacred" ever again. Thank god it is not a top ten hit!)
On the weekend, Christine put all these things together and came up with the only possible conclusion. Emma and Mac are having an affair. I was a little shocked at this statement. I wondered where she thought I was on those nights, including Friday night, while Emma and Mac were doing each other. Did she really think they would get away with it in my house while I was there? I quietly told her that I trusted Emma and nothing was happening between her and Mac.
She looked at the pot plant on my desk with the card from Emma still attached to the ribbon and said, 'Oh, so you are fucking her too.' I stuttered, I stammered, I thought of about a dozen lies I could tell.
'Don't worry about it' Christine said. 'I knew you and Mac were kinky, I just didn't know how kinky.' And out she flounced.
I told Mac. He laughed. Christine only knows what she thinks she knows. She really has no proof. Mac said to let it go, let her think what she wants. It won't hurt U/us. But even He forgot just how vindictive a girl can be. It was left up to Emma and I to worry about.
Christine took tiny digs at Emma all day. Nothing outrageous, nothing really bad, but it was just a constant criticism and one-up-man ship. Poor Emma weathered it all in silence and I fumed. I couldn't say anything with other people around. I was afraid that Christine would blurt out that Emma and I were lovers. My parents were there. The strange thing is, I think my parents would cope with my bisexuality. I think if Emma was my girlfriend they would be fine, but they couldn't cope with Emma being my girlfriend knowing I share my life with Mac. As far as they can see, relationships are between two people, not three.
Towards the end of the day Emma decided that she had better leave. I was upset as she had been planing to stay another night. Mac was busy, there were too many people around for Him to have it out with Christine and so He told me that we should do what we thought was best. So Emma went home. I hated the look of triumph on Christine's face.
Later, when it was time for her to leave, Christine hugged me and told me the house was beautiful and that we knew too much about each other for us to ever stop being friends. The threat was not lost on me. Still, I have been avoiding her emails and not answering her calls because I am just too angry to talk to her right now.
And yesterday, a bunch of flowers arrived. The card said: "Hope you are ok, I miss talking to you. Love Christine." She has never sent me flowers before. No matter what happens from here, I have lost a friend.
Yes. Girls can be cruel.
Especially to the people that they love.