I really don't have much to say, I guess because not much has been going on. Mac has been busy with work and life goes on as normal.

We did have one conversation that has been playing on my mind. I happen to have fallen in love with someone. I haven't mentioned her here, and I probably wont other than today. She is bisexual, but she has a girlfriend and a husband and is very happy with those people in her life. She loves me. I don't doubt that, but it isn't anything more than just a special type of friendship love.

Mac has asked me if I want to tell her that I love her. I don't. He feels it is because I am protecting my heart, walking on eggshells, afraid to tell her what I feel in case I edge her away. Perhaps I am, but that is nothing new for me. I am always walking on eggshells around the people I love, waiting for them to find some fault or to disapprove of me and disappear. I am always ready to hide what I feel and become the person they want me to be. She wants me as a friend and I will be the best friend she could ever have.

Mac says it is fine to keep her as a friend so long as my heart doesn't get broken. I don't see how that can be. All love breaks your heart. Mac says it doesn't have to, but I think He is wrong. I am not saying love is a bad thing. Just that sometimes, when you least expect it something is said or done that hurts all the more because of love. It can't be helped and it can't be avoided.

When you open yourself up to it, love hurts.

I guess that was Sarah's deep thought for the day.