Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, August 09, 2004
Mac called me last night. He needed to come. He wanted to come with me. He asked me what it was like to have a penis in my mouth. He said that He would be quiet because He just wanted to come while I told Him how it felt but He could help himself. He had to ask me questions to lead me in the direction He wanted to go. Even far apart He rarely relinquishes control. He made me giggle.
Later as I lay in bed remembering how much I love the sounds of His orgasm, I started to wonder if I answered His questions the right way. I know that they were truthful answers for me. I know He has told me that He always wants the truth, but I wondered if the answers made Him enjoy it more. Does it increase His pleasure to have me look up at Him and watch Him while I have Him in my mouth? Does He want me to hasten His orgasm by cupping His balls and teasing His ass while my tongue glides across the glands? Does He want me to finish Him off properly by taking as much of Him as I can into my mouth and jerk the rest of His cock into me while I suck and swallow? Are these things that He likes for me to do?
I once had a guy tell me that to men it doesn't matter how they get there, as long as they come. I have always thought that was wrong. I especially feel that with Mac. I have never been as aware of a man's pleasure as I am aware of His. I have always wanted to please the man I was with, but never anyone as much as I want to please Him. I know that sometimes when Mac comes it is a physical thing, as it was yesterday on the phone. It was a perfectly satisfying orgasm, but it wasn't a deep intense orgasm like the ones that can be achieved when physical touch is available, a warm bed accessible and time plentiful. Those orgasms last longer and feel stronger and instead of being enough, they leave Him wanting more. It is not just His cock and His balls involved, it is His body and His heart and His mind.
I have learnt that when He sends me to my knees to suck on His cock it is a simple physical orgasm He requires. When He wants more He will pull my lips to His and suck on my tongue and touch as much of me as He can. He will bring others to our bed either in reality or in our imaginations, because He can't touch as much of me and fill as much of me as He needs to. I know then that He wants to be fucking my mouth and my ass and my pussy and my tits and my hands and He wants to feel it all at once and He can't so He does it with others and mentally He gets to feel it all.
I love it. I love all of it. I really do and when I kneel before Him I want Him to feel like the King of the world. I want Him to feel like the world is His to conquer and rule. I want Him to feel that anything can be achieved because I kneel before Him to pleasure Him. And I want Him to fill me with others so He can feel everything at once, so that all the pleasure belongs to Him and that I give Him everything I can because I belong to Him. I want Him to look at other men and think 'HA! It is me she pleases. It is me she desires to submit to. It is my side she belongs at'. I want Him to love me with such tenderness and desire me with complete decadence and use me with total selfishness because I am His girl and I need to please Him and I take my greatest pleasure in doing so. This is how I love Him. This is how He deserves to be loved. This is how I deserve to love.
I feel quite lost without Him around.
Does it show?