She lay beside Him in the afternoon sun, watching the clouds drift lazily past the bedroom window. She idly made up shapes from them in her mind. She was very aware of His semen drying on her breasts and she was trying very hard to suppress the urge to shower. She didn't understand why she wanted it off her, but she did.

His breathing beside her was slow and steady. She didn't want to look at Him but she figured He was asleep. She thought if she waited just ten more minutes for His sleep to deepen she could sneak out of bed and shower and sit outside and watch the clouds and He would never know she was gone.

'What's wrong?' He said and she jumped both with guilt and fright. She turned her head to look at Him and then quickly averted her eyes in case He saw too much in them. Her mind raced to find and answer that would satisfy Him. In the end she told Him the truth.

'I don't know.' She said.

He grabbed her hair and pulled her face back to His and she found herself on the verge of panic. She didn't want to have to answer His questions. She wanted to run away and hide.

'You have hardly said a word since I got home.' He said. She squirmed a little not realising what she was doing. His eyes glazed over as her body made contact with His. 'Christ Sarah, I am so horny for you.'

She almost sighed in relief. His lust was something she could handle. To her it was familiar, tangible, concrete. She could touch His lust and stroke it, make it something beautiful and complete.

She kissed Him and squirmed against Him again. He grunted and pressed His tumescent cock against her thigh. She whimpered at His need. His tongue became insistent, probing, forcing it's way into her mouth, causing her to whimper once again.

'I need to fuck you.' He said. 'I need to fuck you again and again.'

He slid over her and she opened her legs to welcome Him. Her hands snuck down between them to guide His cock home. He bit her lips as He entered her and she wrapped her arms around Him. He was hers and she would please Him because more than anything else in the world, she wanted that right now.

He groaned as her muscles tensed around Him, almost sucking Him in. She wanted Him so badly she could taste Him in the back of her throat. She pushed her hips up to meet Him on every stroke. She whimpered and moaned and grunted His name.

He was vicious with her, His cock pounded relentlessly into her body, His teeth marked the skin of her neck time and time again. She dug her fingernails into His back and clung to Him tightly while she came. The orgasm washed over her slowly with a calmness that belied the violence of the sex. It frightened her with a lack of intensity. He thrust Himself into her faster, pushed His cock into her deeper and she held His face between her hands while He came.

God, she loved Him. She loved Him so much she ached. She wanted to stay like this forever, caught up in just this moment in time. He turned His head and bit at her fingers. She giggled in delight. He collapsed against her and she ran her fingers through His hair. He rolled to lie beside her, His arm flung carelessly across her belly, His leg across her thigh. Her need to get away filled her once again. She could smell Him on her. She needed to wash Him off. She wanted the feel of Him, the taste of Him, the scent of Him gone. She tried to control it but it escaped through her tears and she broke down in huge gasping sobs.

'What's wrong?' He asked again, the concern and confusion obvious in His voice.
'Please hold me?' She managed to say and He wrapped His arms around her and pulled her to His chest. He stroked her hair and touched her face and whispered soothing gentle words and He let her cry herself to sleep.

I don't know why I had that reaction to Mac. I really don't understand. I love Him so much and I need Him around and I keep trying to run away. It doesn't make sense to me. I see the confusion and hurt in His eyes when I pull away and I fight with myself to stop it but I am fighting against a deep and filling fear. I know that a part of it is due to my menstrual hormones and a part of it is due to the exhaustion He is feeling. There is the lack of time we have to relax together and conversations that are interrupted by the phone. Work is in a constant state of emergency and it isn't going to slow down until we can convince Mother Nature to give the world a break.

For now I have to find a way to let my guard down. I have to find a way to allow Him back in. I love Him too much to keep on pushing Him away. It is exhausting us and neither of us have the energy to fight it. I keep wondering if I will force Him to really go.

So how do you open your heart when it feels too raw to touch and how do you let your guard down when you feel so vulnerable to hurt? I don't know. I am too tired to think. I just know I love Him more than I have the words to say.

For now my Darling Dragon, I hope that is enough.