Kneeling before Him...
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Wednesday, September 01, 2004
C over at Found reminded me of a discussion Mac and I had a few days back. Mac had me pinned to the bed and was sucking on my neck. I asked what He was doing and He said it was foreplay.
'Fuck foreplay.' I said. 'Just give me your cock.'
Mac, of course, complied and He came long before I was anywhere near reaching orgasm. I didn't mind. I lay there smugly satisfied.
Later He was teasing me about it, telling me that women everywhere would be screaming over the fact that I hadn't insisted on at least 45 minutes foreplay before any penetration occurred and that I hadn't received an orgasm at all. Mac thinks they would have felt I was letting the side down.
I laughed and pointed out that they would also be horrified that I like to call Him Sir and that I find peace being on my knees by His side. They would be shocked that I share with Him my fantasies about being overpowered and that I enjoy it when He takes control. They would be alarmed that I gave up my career and allow Him to be the provider while I tend the fires at home. They would be surprised that at times I do things purely for no other reason than it is something Mac enjoys. They would be stunned that I expect nothing in return.
Give me the choice between a man that showers me with long stem roses and soft kisses or one that pricks my finger with a thorn and licks the blood from my wound, I will take the guy with the thorn, thanks.
That's not to say that I don't get the love and adoration from my Male. I just don't expect it from Him and each time He gives it, it still feels like a gift. In this past week He has been so affectionate that I feel so very overloaded with love. He has become entranced by what He has named 'Sarah's love orgasms' and every chance He has He pulls me close and loves me tenderly and touches me softly until He makes me come again. Sometimes it is so gentle that it hurts.
I guess this means that I won't ever be given any awards for woman's rights, but that's ok. There are others out there fighting that battle. I thank them each day for giving me the opportunity to live my life the way I want to live.
And if people want to be upset at the choices I make, I can't stop them. They have a right to feel whatever it is they do. But I will tell them I am happy, that my submission to Mac helps me deal with the world and my love for Him helps to keep me content. I fought so hard for so long against being the person I am. Now I am giving it to Mac free of any guilt.
It is the best way for me to be.