Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, September 27, 2004
The drought has been broken! I feel responsible that it lasted as long as it did. I went and got myself quite ill which meant I would have choked to death had I tried any sort of vigorous sexual activity. Of course had Mac wanted to have sex with me, I would have eagerly assented, but I don't think He found the whole coughing sneezing, bright red nose and funny sounding voice thing all that attractive and He was actively trying not to catch it Himself.
Saturday morning was the absolute worst for me. I was tired and listless and I ached all over and was feeling as sorry for myself as I could possibly feel. I am not usually that pathetic when I am sick, but this just felt like it was dragging on and on and I couldn't get any sleep. When I finished writing my post, I was exhausted. It had drained me completely. I went looking for Mac so I could get a hug and I found Him dressed for work and packing His briefcase. He had to go to a factory. I was not a happy girl. He hugged me and told me to kiss Him goodbye and go back to bed.
I whined that I didn't want Him to go, then kissed Him on the cheek, told Him I loved Him, and ran into the bedroom and ever so dramatically threw myself across the bed. About a minute later, Mac stuck His head in the bedroom and ever so gently told me that if I thought that He wanted to go to a smelly filthy old factory instead of staying home and loving me, I was probably wrong, and He said bye.
I climbed under the blankets, pulled them up around my ears and still feeling very sorry for myself and very angry with Mac, I fell asleep.
I didn't wake until mid-afternoon and then I think if I hadn't been in dire need of hydration, I would have slept much longer. That sleep was magic though, I felt nowhere near as bad as I had when I went to sleep. I took a boiling hot shower and I felt almost human. I managed to tidy up a few things that were in desperate need of tidying and start a couple of things that needed starting. I even prepared something yummy for dinner. I felt that good.
Mac came home early evening and I was happy to see Him. The guilt of my whining was laying heavily on me though I didn't apologise straight away. Mac was in an exceptionally good mood and He dragged me to the couch and sat me really close to Him so that we could talk. We talked about some of the adventures He had while at University, the rugby groupies, the hitchhiker, and the fact that His wild oats were well sown. He told me that even sick, I was still the most desirable woman in the world to Him and He couldn't imagine being with anyone else.
He asked me to offer Him my breasts and I did so, straddling His legs. He bit and sucked at each, leaving a huge red love bite mark below each nipple. It will be a few days yet before those marks fade away. He told me that He remembered with much fondness and love the small and frightened Sarah that had offered Him her breasts two years ago, and He told me how much I have grown and how much more confident I am and how much more I love and believe in myself than I did then.
The guilt from that morning was unbearable now and I slid to my knees on the floor. I told Him that I had not been confident and I apologised for the whining I had done. He smiled at me and told me that He understood that I was sick and that I needed Him. He had not been able to stay, but He had understood. He pulled me back into His lap and He kissed my cheek. I knew that I was forgiven.
I asked Him if He would like a drink, then went to fetch Him one from the kitchen. He followed me and I found myself up against the wall, His cock in my hand and my skirt pulled up and my panties pulled down so that He was pressed against my clitoris and I was using Him to masturbate. He kissed me and His tongue thrust and twisted in my mouth. I couldn't catch my breath and I didn't care. His cock pulsed in my hand and semen spurted all over my fingers and my pussy. I came too, the wet heat driving me into spasms of pleasure.
Mac held me for a long time after we had come. Just stood there and held onto me and I held onto Him. Neither of us wanted to let go. It was just love.
On Sunday when I woke, I felt even better. Mac was awake too and He didn't have anywhere He had to be in a hurry so we lay about in bed, just being near each other. We were lying on our sides facing each other and Mac was gently stroking my back with His fingertips and I was gently running my nails over His chest. We lay there for an hour or more, just talking. We discussed Alpha Males and feminism and submission and weakness. Mac said that He does not see my submission as a weakness, only as a need I have. We both recognise that I will not submit to someone I do not think is worthy and that I can be quite scathing of men that do not meet up to my standard. I see Mac as the Ultimate Alpha Male as other women see their partners as the ultimate for them and He said that only a silly man would discourage his female from believing it to be true. He does not see weakness in me at all, just a gentleness He wishes to encourage and protect.
I have wondered in the past if I challenge Mac, He is more intelligent and stronger both mentally and physically than I am. I have wondered if He would be better off with someone that was stronger and faster than I am. I often require time and deep thought to intimately grasp a concept that He has bounded upon and He can be three thoughts ahead of me at times.
Yet lying there yesterday with His fingers lightly touching my back, I knew that I do challenge Him. Just as I strive to give Him the best of myself, He wants only the best for me. As far as we are concerned we both deserve that. And as I have grown under His guidance and care, He has grown too. He has had to so that I have more room in which to explore. When I have come to Him with questions, concerns and worries, He has helped me find the answers, even when He was not sure. He has never left me flailing in the dark. There are times that He has gotten it wrong and He has not been afraid to apologise to me for that, but He has never hurt me purposely. I cannot say the same of me.
People say that I expect too much from Mac, that no one can live up to the god like proportions I have placed on Him. Yet I wonder how He can fail me when His only intention is to love me for being exactly who I am. How can He fail me, when His wish is to make me the happiest I can be?
And yesterday as He stroked my back I started to kiss Him softly and I discovered that I couldn't stop. He smiled and let me kiss Him not tiring of my lips upon His skin. He told me that He just adores it when I am so giggly and warm in my contentment of being in love with Him.
When He was ready He turned me onto my tummy and told me to present and I shifted up onto my hands and knees. He pressed His cock against my pussy, then against my ass, coating me in the copious juices from down there. He pressed Himself inside my ass and as He entered me He whispered that I didn't get a choice, He would love me how He wanted to love me anyway. It didn't take much for us to come. He lay over me after He was finished, crushing me into the bed and making me feel so very fragile, cherished, protected and small. He covered my neck and shoulders in kisses until it was almost time for us to get out of bed, then He let me turn over beneath Him so that I could kiss Him back.
I held His face between my hands and I looked into His eyes and I told Him that I have never loved Him more. I couldn't be more honest with Him than that.
It is important for us to take time out from the world around us and remind each other just how special we are.
I am shining with love and happiness. Does it show?