Kneeling before Him...
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Thursday, September 30, 2004
I would like to say thankyou for all the well wishes I have received. Really I am fine. It was shock more than anything else. My world was a little rocked but it seems to have almost righted again.
Mac has been rather patient, which is quite funny if you know Him because He has zero patience. If it can't be done immediately don't tell Him about it until it can be. I have had this rather annoying habit of wanting to be around Him, then discovering I have nothing to say when I am with Him. I have even called Him once or twice and then said nothing to Him other than hello and goodbye. He has so far refrained from being short with me, but I know I am reaching the end of His tolerance. He has started to look at me and speak to me with bemused exasperation and it makes me more tongue-tied, which doesn't really help.
Mac will only allow me to indulge in wallowing for a certain amount of time. This is a good thing because I am a really accomplished wallower. Being left to my own devices I could wallow in self-pity until the cows came home. I could wallow until I was swallowed up by darkness. I can even wallow in wallowing. Mac is the type of person that feels sorry for Himself for 2.5 seconds before He starts to think about how He can change things. While I am wallowing, He is making His next move so that it works out the way He wants it too. I believe in thinking that the world is wrong for me, He believes in making the world right for Him. So He has given me my wallowing time and even I can tell it has to come to a stop now.
In fact, I think I did enough wallowing in that paragraph for everyone.
When Mac came home last night, He went a long way to improving my mood. He made me laugh myself silly because He came home pissy. He was as growly as can be and all I could do was giggle at Him like a schoolgirl. He scowled and He paced about the floor as He growled about the state of the office and about how much work there was to be doing and how everyone kept interrupting Him because He has to sign off on things. The more He scowled the more I got the giggles and the more He growled the more I called Him a growly old bear and hid my face behind the cushion in an effort to stifle my laughter.
He scowled at me some more then said He had some work to do and I had better not interrupt Him (like I would be that silly) and I came out from behind the cushion and asked Him to kiss me before He went to His study. He scowled at me again and asked me why. I suddenly found myself very close to tears and I swallowed hard and told Him that I needed kissing because I am a girl. He sat down next to me and pulled me onto His lap and He stroked my hair and kissed me very softly. He told me that He felt a huge and gentle love for me and I kissed Him back and said thankyou. Then I climbed off His lap and pulled Him to His feet.
'Now, go do some work, growly old bear.' I ordered
He walked off muttering something under His breath about a 'smartass little subby' and I dissolved in fits of giggles on the couch again.
Sometimes He and Pickle, who is most certainly Mac's cat, remind me so much of each other it is not funny. Both get their hackles up and act all aloof and growly, but as soon as no one is watching, they are so cuddly and snugly and they both love being loved. (But don't tell Mac I said that. Grins.)
When we went to bed, He held me gently. We kissed and we touched, just softly exploring each other's bodies. A cheek was caressed, a nipple lightly brushed, hair twirled in fingers, breath entwined, tongues touched, a buttock cupped and groins pressed together. Instead of turning into a passionate exchange, it slipped quietly into a peaceful sleep. It was lovely and at least as satisfying as an orgasm or two.
Sometimes just touching says all that needs to be said.
I have promised myself that I will not ring Mac at work today unless it is an emergency and desiring to hear His voice doesn't count. As much as I would love to cling to Him, it would only make things between us uncomfortable for Him and eventually harder for me. I know this.
I just have to do something about it now.