Kneeling before Him...
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Friday, September 10, 2004
When Mac was completely caught up in work, I spent a fair amount of time going out on my own. These evenings were mostly the same, same people, same places, same jokes and stories. It got a bit monotonous after a while. During that time, I also made a new friend, Zach, a guy that just walked over and started talking with a group of us one night. He was sweet, intelligent and surprisingly witty. He didn't take himself too seriously and I like that in a guy. We bumped into each other often from that night, it seemed that he hung out at the same places that I did. I thought nothing of it at the time.
Our debates grew lively about religion, politics, youth wasted on the young and the art of opera, something that I just can't understand. He never took disagreement of his ideas personally and I found that he was fun to argue with. I told Mac all about him and Mac had no problems with the growing friendship except to tell me to be careful because He had a feeling that Zach may expect me to 'hold his penis while he jiggles it about' (Mac's words). I just rolled my eyes and shook my head at Him.
Sure enough, it wasn't long before Zach asked me out on a date. I declined. He asked why and I told him that it was because of Mac. I hadn't made a secret of the fact that I was very much in love/lust and living with Mac and that I plan to spend the rest of my life with Him. I didn't see how that would include going out on a date with another man. Zach couldn't see why I had a problem with this. I was often out without Mac. This was true, but going out to be with friends and going out to specifically be with just one man for the evening, in my mind, are two different things. Zach pushed the point, asking if it would bother Mac and if Mac was too insecure to let me go on a date with him and that was when he started to annoy me. I should have been able to just say no. I had been polite and offered a reason and now he was just badgering me trying to question Mac's confidence, to try and change my mind. That is just such the wrong way to go. You cannot nag a person into dating you. I can't imagine that night would be much fun, stuck with someone that didn't really want to be there in the first place. I agree that maybe he just simply wanted to talk but we did that when we bumped into each other anyway. I think my annoyance registered somewhere in my eyes because suddenly Zach changed direction. He sighed dramatically.
'I guess this means we can't fuck?'
This was when I made my biggest mistake. I laughed. I thought it was funny and I thought he was trying to make amends for being pushy. Maybe at first that was how he meant it, but my laughter just encouraged him.
'I mean, it would just be between you and me. No one else needs to know.' He said. I told him that I had had enough and that it was time I went. I left with what I thought was a very firm no. There could not have been a doubt in his mind.
Yet each time I see him now, which is with decreasing regularity because I am avoiding him as much as I can, he asks me in what I assume is an attempt at humour if I have changed my mind. Now don't get me wrong, I can take a joke, but a woman (or a man) should never have to say no for a third time, let alone a ninth or tenth. Our conversations have gone from literature and art to one-sided comments about my looks and tits and what I have come to see as desperate attempts to gain attention from me. I have to face that this guy who I thought was becoming my friend has stepped into the realm of harassing me. I have asked him to stop and I have asked for him to leave me alone, but this man just will not let it go.
And for the life of me I cannot see what he thinks he can gain by acting like this. Does he think that desperation and annoyance will get him laid? Does he think that his constant asking will wear me down? He says that he adores me and that intelligent women turn him on then he treats me without respect and expects me to want him when he acts this way. I no longer even want to be his friend.
So people I have to say that when you ask a friend out and he or she politely turns you down, accept it with dignity and wit. He or she will appreciate it and perhaps remember you if the situation changes. You have made it clear where your intention lies now all you can do is wait for the other person to make the next move. If no move is made, at least you haven't lost a friend.
The time is getting close when I may need Mac to step in and say a quiet word or two to Zach. I have done my best to avoid it because it then becomes an ego thing and I know Zach will be both embarrassed and upset that I have taken it that far, but really he is giving me no choice. I have been as brutally honest with him as I can be and he still isn't getting the idea.
Mac was away last night, but I am hoping He will be home sometime today.
I miss His potato peeling romance.