Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, October 04, 2004
Jen said: "I was just wondering if you had any views on "submission and feminism". For example, some feminists might wonder why you are willing to submit to a man."
I have mentioned here before that I am grateful to the feminists that have fought the battles that mean women have the same right to education and the workplace as men do. I support them in allowing me the right to choose what I do with my life and my choice is to take the stereotypical female role that my grandmother filled in my grandfather's life. She had no choice. In her day a woman gave up work when she got married or at the latest when she had kids, but I do wonder if she had the choice, would she have done it any other way? She always seemed very happy with her lot.
Mac told me about an article He had read when He was younger. It has stuck with Him through the years. There was a feminist that ran a shelter for battered women and she had always fought for women's rights. One day, she and some battered women and some of the staff took all the children swimming. She said then that she realised how far she still had to go.
The woman were all sitting around tearing the male gender to pieces, talking about how much better a place the world would be with no men and so forth, when out of the changing area walked a lifeguard. He was all muscle and bulging Speedos and arrogance. He walked past them without so much as even a glance at those bedraggled group of women. He took about a minute to walk around the pool. The feminist said that not a word was spoken for the entire minute and every single woman watched every step he took. Not one of them tore their eyes away, not even the most strident of feminists amongst them.
What bothers me the most about this story is the idea that men are the enemy and any interest in them is defeat. Is that really what feminists are trying to achieve? I thought the fight was for fairness. I thought it was about women being recognised for the things that they do. I thought it was about being paid the same for doing the same job and having the same opportunities to advance. I thought it was about not being treated as a second-class citizen. I thought it was about respect. They toss around the word equal a lot and I am loath to use it but here it is. I thought it was about being equal to men, not about conquering them.
Why do I hate the word equal? Because there is no equality in nature, the strongest and the smartest will win. It is the natural way of things. If men and women were all really equal, then no one would be able to run faster, and no one would be able to think faster and leap onto new ideas easier than the man or woman next to him or her. We would all be drones. When looking at my strengths and weaknesses, I know that I am stronger than some and I am weaker than some and it is not gender biased.
So when I submit to Mac, it is not so much submitting to a man, it is submitting to someone that I recognise as stronger and smarter than myself. It is giving to someone that has earned and respects the things I give. He does not treat me like a second-class citizen. In fact, I am rather spoiled. He has never held me back. Instead He has encouraged me to try new things and explore. He believes that I can be anything that I put my mind to and that includes being the best for Him. He would never allow me to be talked down to or be treated without respect. He demands that I demand it for myself.
I have never been in a relationship where the respect has been greater and it flows both ways. He has never put me down. He has never tried to make me less than I am. He has encouraged me to take on more than I thought I could and then believed in me when I have not believed in myself. I see so many of my friend's relationships where they have no compunction about laughing at their men. I have been to lunches with girls where it has turned into a 'my boyfriend is a bigger idiot than yours because' fest and I am always horrified at the things that are said. (Am I the only one that knows women that do this? I have seen it so many times, I am sure I can't be.) It makes me think that if your partner is so worthless, then it is yourself you are selling short. I would never dream of belittling Mac that way, and I am sure that He would never do it to me.
Our relationship is about helping the other reach further than they thought they could. We push ourselves to be the best that we can be and when one of us falters it is the other's job to help them find the way. When Mac comes home pissy at the world and full of grumbles and growls it is my job to bring Him laughter and remind Him that gentleness still exists. It is my job to bring Him calm. When I run to Him in tears for whatever reason it is His job to help me deal with the hurt. It is His job to bring me calm. We are not equals, we are very different and yet I believe that we have achieved many of the things that the very first feminists wanted for women.
I am encouraged to grow. I am educated. I am allowed to advance. My position is recognised as important. I am thanked for the things I do. I am respected. I am valued and I am never begrudged His income when buying the things I want and need even though I don't bring in much money myself. My worth is recognised. My talents are believed in. I am encouraged to better myself and learn more. The only thing that holds me back is my own personal fears and Mac has been able to overcome a lot of those.
I believe I have what so many women are fighting for. I have the freedom to be whatever I want to be. Does it really matter that it comes through my trust in a man that cherishes me?
My submission is not about the slaps in the face or the rough sex or my adoration of His semen on my skin. Nor is it about who wears the cuffs, or who makes the dinner or the way I kneel and lower my eyes to the floor. These are nothing more than ways we recognise and symbolise who we are. My submission really is about trusting Him as the strongest and smartest partner to make the decisions and choices that are the best for us. And I do. And He does. And I fly.
Mac has been flat out with work these last two days so sexually we have been rather quiet. It has not been a bad thing as my period started on Saturday and I am always too sore the first day or so. Last night He called me just as I was going to bed, to tell me He wouldn't be much longer but I shouldn't wait up. I think I fell asleep straight away.
When I woke this morning the back of my panties and thighs were sticky with semen and when I inquired He said that it was my fault because I wriggled back against Him when He got into bed. Apparently it had not taken a lot more to make Him come.
'But I was sleeping!' I stammered.
'Yeah I know,' He said. 'I tried not to wake you up.'
'But that is not the point!' I said indignantly. 'You came all over me while I was asleep!'
'Oh, that.' He grinned. 'Well, I guess if you don't like it, you can tell my mum.'
Much wrestling and giggling and kissing ensued and that lead to more touching and more kissing and it ended in love.
It feels like a good start to the week. I am ready to see how it goes.