Yesterday I went out to lunch with my sister and then we shopped well into the afternoon. I brought new gym clothes and a new outfit for going out and a couple of things for the house too.

When I got home I quickly got changed then I went and met Emma at the gym. I pushed myself hard, worked out harder than I have before and made all my muscles scream. We came back to our house and showered and changed so that we could grab a quick dinner before meeting friends at the pub.

We laughed so hard and so much that I nearly wet myself and people were looking at us like we were nuts.

We got home late and showered again before making fine use of the bed. We enjoyed each other completely and loved each other utterly and I watched her while she fell asleep.

And still I feel so removed from everything, so detached. I was lying there next to one of the most beautiful women on the planet after we had made love and all I could do was wish He were here.

Even now Emma is singing along to the radio as she is getting dressed in the bedroom. We are going to grab some lunch and watch a game of rugby to cheer on Mac's team even though He isn't here to play. I think we will go out with the team tonight, to celebrate or commiserate and Emma and I will flirt outrageously with the forwards. Those guys even make Mac look little and they are as rough as hell and totally fun. A part of me will still be wondering what He is doing and thinking about when He will be home. I can't help it, it just doesn't go away.

I am trying to keep busy and trying to be a good girl and yet I can't help but wish I could just hear His voice.

I still can't do anything but whine.