The next night after the cruise Mac and I had been out and had a couple of drinks and were both feeling relaxed but neither of us were drunk. I am not sure why we started discussing Rob when we were back in the room, but I guess there were a few things on our minds. Mac admitted that He had felt a rush of jealousy and of pride when He saw me standing there with Rob. In some ways He liked that someone else desired His girl, yet at the same time, He didn't want Rob near me. I always tell him that is a male thing. If there were another girl in His arms I would just want to rip both their heads off. He says that He knows this about me.

I suddenly remembered that Rob had my cell phone number and blurted this out to Mac. He looked at me rather stunned. We had both forgotten about that. Mac pulled me to Him and started to grind His groin against mine. He kissed me and bit my lips. I felt my already high lust for Him start to rise. I took off my top and bra and pulled at His shirt so that I could push my breasts against His skin. He tugged at my skirt and I undid His jeans and He moved us towards the bed. I was beneath Him, my legs parted, my hands in His hair when He started to speak.

'What if Rob calls you?' He said. It took me a moment to find my voice.
'There is no reason for him to.' I said.
'But what if he calls you and tells you to meet him at such and such, wear clothes you can remove easily, no panties, he has a room and is going to fuck you senseless and use you like a whore'
'I would call you.' I said concerned.
'Because you think I would want a threesome?'
'No!'
'Because if he asked you that way, you would find it hard to resist?'
'I don't know.' I whispered.
'If he said 'I am going to use you like a whore and I will bring the whip and the nipple clamps and the ankle and wrist cuffs, and I may allow others to use you like a cheap slut'... would you be even more tempted?'
'I would be freaked out by the 'others'.' The conversation was making me feel uncomfortable, as was the throbbing of my pussy.
'But your cunt would clench too?'
'Yes,' I admitted. 'Of course it would.'
'So in fact though freaked you would be tempted too.'
'Yes but it would be easier to stay away from 'others' than it would be just from him.'
'If he said all about the cuffs and the whips and also said 'I am going to make you my ass-fucking come slave'...?'
'I would be more tempted.' I said.
'Humiliation, whipping, ass-fucking, come hungry sex slave, your cunt clenches at the thought. You lust that so much.'
'I crave it.'
'If he said 'there will be others that I control, and I may not let them touch you, but they can watch and lust you and jerk off over you', would you go to him?'
'Are we talking fantasy or are we discussing the reality?'
'We are discussing how your cunt would react if he called and demanded you go to him to be a whipped, humiliated, ass-fucked sex slave, who likes men to jerk over her.'
'Oh,' I said. 'My cunt never behaves.'

I wrapped my legs around Mac's hips and He pushed Himself inside of me.

'Although he may promise they wouldn't touch you, you know you would end up sucking and jerking them all. Guys would spurt over you, the whip causing semen to spatter as it cracks over your tits and the guys would all see His cock going in and out of your ass, and the dildo in your cunt. He would have two males whipping you, one over your tits, nipple clamps tight on you, one across your tummy and over your cunt. When the strands touch his balls he flinches and bites you. Your hands are behind you on his flanks, pulling him deeper. You have a cock between your lips, your tongue in its slit, making it swell. Semen drips to your tits and the whip cracks into it. Blood and come on them, mingling until your tits are a bloody come-soaked mess. Do you want bloody come-soaked tits, cunt?'
'Yes. Please.' I begged.

Mac fucked me relentlessly, pushing into me hard and deep so that I grunted with each thrust. He didn't stop for my orgasms, He didn't slow His pace, just pounded me constantly as He tormented me with His voice.

'He would make you lie on him, his cock in your ass, tummy up. He would make you open your legs and tell the two with the whips to whip your cunt until it is raw. Then he would allow a cock to thrust into you hard and quick, in and out. It would spurt all over you so the whips can whip the semen into your cunt. You would be a little come-slut. A well used whore. You want it don't you Sarah? You want to be a dirty little bitch.'
'Yes' I gasped.
'Tell me Sarah, if he called two months later would you want more? More of the ass fucking, the whips, clamps, cuffs, the humiliation, the lust of the men, the semen-covered, bloody tits, the raw whipped cunt with a cock suddenly thrusting into it?
'Yes' I gasped again.
'Tell me Sarah.' It was His turn to gasp. 'Tell me.'

So I told Him how I would want no cock in my mouth unless it had already been in my pussy and how I would need my mouth filled constantly with semen scooped from my tits and I would have told Him more only it had taken just that long for Him to come.

It was hot and we were both sweating and breathless so Mac rolled away from me. Now the lust was sated I felt confused. He had just used Rob to fuck me. How could He do that when He said He didn't want Rob near me? Why would He want me to lust Rob? He was quiet, lying on His back with His eyes closed so I grabbed my robe and slipped outside. I stood out on the balcony and looked out over the beach. (Yes, life really was that tough while we were away.)

Mac snuck up behind me and slid His arms around me and kissed my neck. I could feel His nakedness pressed against the robe. I turned around in His arms and kissed Him on the cheek. He smiled.

'So what's up?' He said.
'Why?' I asked.
'Because you are never this quiet after sex unless something is wrong, so tell me what it is.'

I laughed at Him. He kissed my neck again.

'I was just thinking...'
'Oh no,' He interrupted. 'Nothing good ever follows that line.'
'I was just thinking,' I said again, ignoring His smart little ass, 'that it is strange that you would use Rob to make us come.'

Mac looked at me like I was stark raving mad, which was pretty funny because He was standing on a balcony naked. Least I had on a robe, even if it was open and His hands were somewhere inside it.

'Sarah, that sex wasn't about Rob. It was all about you. I was delighting in your desires. I love that you crave those things.' He said.
'See now that is something I do not understand. I would not desire you lusting someone else.'
'I am not pleased you desired Rob but it wasn't about Rob. When I said your desires I meant the whips, the nipple clamps, the humiliating, bloody, come-soaked sex.'
'You hate nipple clamps and are not fond of whips either!'
'I know.' He was quiet for a moment. 'I have just thought how to explain that, then I have to fuck you again.'
'Ok' I said and quietly played with His cock.
'It's not about me and those things. It's about your lust for them. Look at it this way, I am not a fan of ballet, can hardly stay awake but you love and adore the ballet, so I love it. It's something that seems right for a girl to love. Even though I have no interest, I am pleased that you do. Does that make any sense?'
'Kind of.' I wasn't sure I knew where this was going.
'I would take you, Sarah. I would not let anyone else take you and I would dress up for it and make it as it should be for you.'
'Really?'
'Really. I may doze off, but I wouldn't let go of your hand.'
I understood. 'I will never miss a rugby match.' I said.
Mac smiled. 'See? If you wanted ballet you would have ballet. Of course there would be much grumbling and pissing and moaning but ballet you would have.'
'Thank you.' I whispered and kissed His cheek.
'As for the sex, I am not sure I could see you whipped, hurt, bloody, nipple clamped. In fact, I couldn't, but I love that you lust it. If you wanted to do it I would come and protect you, make sure that it didn't go too far.'

I kissed Mac's cheek again and moved closer to Him. He kissed me gently and moved me back against the railing.

'I do love you.' He said. 'I think you forget that. Sometimes I think you prefer to forget to put yourself through the pain of uncertainty.'
'I don't know.' I said hesitantly. 'Maybe I do.'
'Seems that way sometimes.' He smiled at me softly. 'I am never quite sure whether to whack you one or reassure you, so usually I just whack you one.'

I looked at Mac and bit my lip. I had something to confess and wasn't quite sure how He would take it. I hated having to admit this to Him. He waited patiently for me to say what I needed to say.

'Over the last month or so, I have wanted to bleed a lot.' I said.
'Have you cut yourself?' He asked. He knows how good I am at hiding such a thing.
'No.' It is true, as much as I have craved it, I have not cut at all.
'Good girl.' He said. 'I know how much you want to. I am proud of you for not doing it.'

He lifted me and sat me on the top of the railing. It was just wide enough to accommodate my ass. Still, as we were a couple of floors up, I was quick to wrap my legs around His waist. He grinned and promised He wouldn't let me fall. He fucked me there, just like that and when I felt secure enough I leant back a little to pay homage to the moon that was watching overhead. The waves were crashing into the shore and I felt like all of it, the moon and stars, the waves, this time and place and most of all Mac, had all been made just for me. I whispered a quiet thank you to the sky when He came. He carried me to our bed and let me kiss Him until I fell asleep.

And many thoughts have come from this in the days that have followed since then. I have never even thought of asking Mac for ballet because I know that He doesn't enjoy it. There was only the one sexual phase when He really hurt me during sex and He spent the next week wincing at the welts. I would not ask Him for that again. It never entered my mind to think that He would find a way to give me these things if I wanted them and yet I know I would rather freeze to death on some bloody cold windswept moor than miss a rugby game because it means so much to Him. Sometimes my thoughts about the way He thinks are unjust.

As for hurting myself, it is not that I feel I deserve the pain, but I want to let it out, I want to watch it heal, I want control over the pain I feel and I know that it is hard for some people to understand. I also feel that if I do this to myself, I have failed. This is not a judgment on anyone else that has that need, but a personal goal for me. It has been a long time since I hurt myself that way. I don't want to give in. They say a problem shared is a problem halved and I know that when I shared it with Mac, His pride in me gave me some relief. I thought that He would be ashamed of me for having the thoughts I did, but instead He was proud of me for not giving in. I forgot how much His approval means to me, I forgot that He is there to hold my hand and I don't have to do it all alone.

Right now, Mac is enjoying reminding me.

And I will explain that, tomorrow.