Kneeling before Him...



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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Not long before Mac and I were together, we had a little incident that I still giggle over. It always makes Mac scowl. It was during the time that I was in extreme denial over being madly in love with Mac and He was absolutely sure that I was. At this time, Mac had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend and both of us were ok, but not overly joyed, in our relationships. Even though He had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend, He always treated me a little different to the other girls He knew, especially the ones with crushes on Him. Most of then He treated with disdain, but then most of them had tried at least twice to get Him into bed. I never had. I had always been happy enough with the friendship and although more would have been acceptable to me, I never pushed it. I just followed where He led.

So one day I was shocked and horrified when Mac came to me with a rumour that had reached His ears. A girl (that disliked me greatly) had told Mac that I had been heard saying that 'whenever I see Jon, I have to jump my boyfriend, he always has that affect on me.' (For those of you unaware, Mac's real first name is Jon, though no one uses it except His mum when He is in trouble. When He is in deep she calls Him Jonathan. It's how He measures just how long the lecture is going to be.) This girl was far from a friend of mine. In fact she saw everyone as a rival for Mac's attention and did what she could to discredit all of His female friends. She was mean and she was a bully and she was very unpopular amongst my friends so I had as little as possible to do with her. My first thought was that she had lied.

In a way it was natural for me to think that. I never called Mac Jon. At least never where I could be overheard. Sometimes when I was with two of my closest friends I would refer to Him as Jon because one of them was dating another Mac and it made it confusing. Mac told me that she had been sincere. He had said the same thing to her and she had insisted it was the truth. If Mac believed it, then I had to believe it too. So she was telling the truth. I had said this. And the more I thought about it, the more it sounded familiar to me.

So my next thought was that I might have said it in private and one of my close friends had relayed it to the enemy. This was serious stuff. It was betrayal of the worst kind. One of them had betrayed me to another female, a female we all knew was vicious and out to get me. Mac always finds this hilarious, but we held meetings over this, serious meetings where I asked the betrayer to reveal herself and other such things. We spoke of trust and we spoke of friendship and just what breaking someone's privacy means. The discussions went on long into the night and started again in the early morning. We rehashed it so many times, trying to work out when and exactly where this had been said, because by now, I was certain I had said those words.

One day, about a week into this grand drama, I sat down with a magazine and suddenly it hit me. I recalled when and where and why I had said what I had. I started laughing. I quickly called my friends and let them in on the joke too. We were all so relieved. We thought it was hilarious.

You see, I have always had a crush on Jon Bon Jovi. (Ok stop laughing. I mean it. Stop laughing!) I fell madly in love with him when I was about 10. By the time I hit my teenage years I had a wall completely plastered in his picture. I had them everywhere. I devoured all the information on him that I could. I saved all my pocket money to buy His albums. I even have a Slippery When Wet LP Picture Disc. I slept with him in my dreams. I wanted him so badly that I hurt. I stood in the crowd of thousands of screaming fans and cried when he sang in concert. I was totally enthralled by him.

As I have grown up, I have gotten rid of all the pictures and I no longer am desperately in need of him, though I still have a crush on him. I don't know why, he isn't exactly the type of man I would date. He is a little too feminine really. Still, he can make me squirm when he sings.

So I had been sitting at our favourite haunt with a few of my girlfriends and we had been looking at magazines as one of the girls was getting married and always carrying around a stack that had any sort of wedding photos in it. We were giggling and generally being silly, the way that girls together sometimes will be. I had come across a picture of Jon Bon Jovi in a magazine and loudly announced that 'whenever I see Jon, I have to jump my boyfriend, he always has that affect on me.' I guess that Mac's friend, the girl who had told Him this, had been close by and overheard what she wanted to hear.

When I broke the news to my friends through much giggling and relief, they both remembered the incident too. It was like a light bulb going on inside our heads. I was so excited and I couldn't wait to tell Mac that I had not been so indiscrete. I was not running around announcing my lust for Him. I was above that. Sheesh!

But when I told Mac, He was the only one that didn't see the humour in it. I thought that He would be happy that I wasn't being so blatantly disrespectful to Him and to His girlfriend. Instead, He was somewhat disappointed. He admitted that He had been flattered that I would think of Him that way. I was flattered that He would be flattered and wished that I could change it so that it was about Him, but it wasn't. There was nothing I could do about it but tell the truth.

Even now, when I pick up a magazine that features Jon Bon Jovi, or see him on the television or hear one of his songs on the radio, Mac scowls at me and grumbles about how it was about 'that Jon' and not about Him. And I giggle over the crisis meetings that I held to find out who it was that had told on me.

I am sure that some of you have figured out that if I thought a friend had betrayed me, I must have been saying things about my lust for Mac privately and I have to admit that I was. I was convinced I wasn't in love with Him but I was lusting Him badly and I was not the only one. My friends had also wondered out loud on more than one occasion just what exactly He would be like in bed. Although we never discussed our fantasies about Him, I am sure I am not the only one that came while masturbating to thoughts of His hands directing the movement of my head, His cock spurting deep inside my throat. Funnily enough it was always about submissive sex with Him, even though I didn't know it at the time.

So I guess Mac should still be flattered that I thought it could have been about Him and I think a part of Him is, but He doesn't like to let me see it. He much prefers to scowl as I sing along with 'that Jon'.

I always make sure I sing it loud.

Posted by Sarah McBroden at 7:16 am

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