Kneeling before Him...
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Friday, December 03, 2004
WARNING: This is probably a little more graphic then I absolutely needed to be, but it is true to what I saw and felt in my dream. I am sorry if it disturbs you, but honest is something that I promised I would always bring here, so what you get is what I honestly see.
A coldness slipped over her as she came awake. She felt something moving at her feet and frowned, gently kicking at what she assumed to be one of the cats in a playful mood. It irritated her that they could not understand that the night was human time to sleep, not time to hunt or play.
In her drowsy state it took another moment or two for her to realise that the pressure moving increasingly upwards of her body was too big to be dislodged which made it much larger than a cat. She breathed in sharply in shock. She tried to kick out again, but her feet were now immobilised and fear began to bubble up in her throat. She tried to remain rational telling herself it was just a bad dream. Then she wondered if she could tell herself that while she was still asleep.
She turned her head to look at the man beside her. She knew that love and protection lay there. She noticed the completely peaceful look upon his sleeping face and felt a strong desire to be in his arms again. Not wanting to wake him, she tried to reach for him quietly and discovered that her arms would not obey. Her breathing was getting frantic, she was losing control to the fear and she could no longer avoid the weight that shifted about over her. She knew she had to look.
A foul stench rolled across her chest and swept up to her face, the breath of a monster disguised as a man. He was bald and wrinkled, his eyes snarling at her as his lolling tongue licked his lips in a mockery of desire. She drew in air and gagged on its thickness, overcoming its pungency by pure will and drawing on more, needing it to scream. She opened her mouth, no longer caring about waking the sleeping form beside her, knowing now she was desperate for his help. If this monster was real or imagined, she needed her male to chase it away.
As the sound came pouring from her mouth the monster silenced it, locking his lips over hers. She gagged and choked as his tongue slid into her, filling her throat and blocking off her lungs. Her mind remained lucid and god, she wished it wasn't so. She didn't want to know what would happen next. An ice cold hardness was pressed against her leg and for a while she refused to acknowledge what it could be. The monster shifted and she could no longer pretend.
He parted her legs, seemingly without effort and as his prick entered her, she knew that it was piercing through her skin, slicing her apart as it did. Her eyes grew large at the intensity of the pain. A hand wound its way around her throat and as it tightened she felt something inside her neck break. Her mouth filled with the taste of blood and the monster groaned with obvious lust as he drank it in. Her silent screams filled the night.
I woke in time to race from the bed to the bathroom and promptly emptied my stomach of all its contents. My heart was racing and I was drenched in ice cold sweat. I showered and brushed my teeth and wrapped myself up in a blanket, made some tea and sat down on the couch. I started shaking uncontrollably and then I started to cry. It's been a long time since I have dreamed that vividly.
I know I didn't thrash about the bed or call out. Mac never woke up at all, and He would have if I had been moving about.
I cried myself into a numb exhaustion then climbed back into bed. Mac slid His arm around me without waking up and I fell asleep again.
When I woke this morning, the feelings of utter hopelessness from the dream have still lingered and I am so damn tired, I feel as if I have run a marathon. For some reason I feel dirty, like I asked this monster to invade my mind. I want to hide myself in a deep dark place, away from everyone.
I am hoping that my period hurries up and starts. I keep thinking that if I can just hold on till then I will be all right. I know I am going to scare myself into not being able to sleep tonight and that is just going to make me feel so much worse. It's a downward spiral that Mac can't save me from. I guess that is why He couldn't save me in the dream.
Especially when I go from such happiness to this in the space of a day.