Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, January 31, 2005
All of the important things that Mac and I have ever done have just happened naturally. There has never been any plan, there has never been any pressure, things just sort of happened. So much so that I can hardly say when things actually happened for us.
I don't remember a time when I didn't love Him. One day I just realised that I did. I cannot pinpoint its start. It just grew from submission, to friendship, to love. When He took me as His own, the same sort of thing happened. He had not planned it. He had no intention of it, especially since He was leaving the next day to go away for a few days. He just asked me to bare my breasts for Him and when I did and told Him they were His, He decided to take all of me. He didn't mean for it to happen. It just did.
When He moved in with me there was no discussion about it. Neither of us asked if it was something that we should do. He sort of just stopped going back to His place. Everything He needed was at mine. When His lease was up, it seemed silly to be paying two lots of rent. So when it became official it had already been that way for a month or two. We didn't have to put any effort into it.
Even when we bought the house, we knew what we could afford and we looked around within our budget and found this place straight away. It all went so smoothly and quickly (the people who owned it before us were getting a divorce and wanted it settled fast, which was fine by Mac and me). It was just so easy.
So Saturday night was just never going to work out right. Mac and I were both stressed the whole day. You see, Mac had told me where we were going and it was not one of the usual places that we go out for dinner. It was a special place, where special things were supposed to happen and He must have had the booking for three weeks, at least. It is a place I have always wanted to go, but Mac and I don't really go on dates. We are more the type of people that just decide to go out somewhere and go, not the type that decides to go out three weeks from now, so it was never a restaurant on our list. But here we were, going somewhere special and it wasn't an anniversary, or my birthday and although Mac's birthday is close, I should be the one planning for that, not He.
And the restaurant was lovely, decorated beautifully and I could see why it has the reputation of being the place to be. The food was delicious, perfectly arranged and accompanied. It would have been delightful only Mac and I were both so tense that neither of us were much company. We were incapable of holding a conversation more than a few sentences long and the silences were long and uncomfortable. I have never felt so out of sync with Him. By the time we had finished our mains all I could do was wish that He would hurryupandgetitoverwith. I think He was feeling the same way too. He reached across the table and took my hand.
"Sarah," He said. Then He stumbled and I could see His mind racing as He tried to think. I had to bite my lip so that I didn't tell Him to stop. It was just so wrong, it was so out of place and I didn't want it to be like this.
"Sarah listen." He started again. "I brought you here tonight to ask you something, but, it just feels all wrong." I blinked at Him. "Not because I don't want to ask it," He quickly added, "it's just this place, its not us, its not what I want it to be. You know?"
"I understand," I said and smiled at Him.
"Are you disappointed?" He asked.
"I am relieved Babe. This is so sweet, and such a lovely place and I am happy to be here right now, but when You ask me that question, it should just happen. Don't plan it. Just do it when it is right, ok?"
"Yeah," He agreed. "It feels like we have been acting all evening."
"Babe, it feels like we have been on edge all day."
We both started to laugh and for the first time all day I felt like things were normal between us. Dessert was the best thing we ate and I think that was just because we had stopped playing pretend and were back to being Mac and Sarah again.
I know it may seem strange to some of you that we are taking our time on this when we are both pretty sure of the outcome. It's just that this is our time. The wedding, the church, the reception and the cake, that is where we share our love with everyone else. This question, this is just for us, our moment in time that we will share with no one else and the only thing that I need for it to be perfect, is to have it asked with love.
When we were home we made love and we both realised that it had been a while since we had. It felt just right. He kept His cock deep inside me and hardly moved at all. He touched my cheek and told me I was beautiful and I held His face and kissed Him over and over again. We stayed together for the longest of times. Neither of us wanted it to end. Even when He had spent Himself inside me He stayed over me and I kept Him connected to me as long as I could. It was beautiful.
He rolled to lie beside me and I snuggled up close to Him and we still kissed when we felt the need to. It was quite a while before He spoke.
"Sarah? About this wedding thingy," He said and I had to smile at Him, "I don't have to DO anything, do I?"
Now this could have offended me, but it was just such a Mac question that it was a real struggle not to burst into laughter while trying to think of the right way to put the answer.
"Well," I said in the end, "I will make You a deal. You let Your mum tidy You up and be where I say on time on the day and I will take care of the rest, ok?"
"Yeah," He said, "that seems fair."
"Oh," I said as I was running through a quick mental list, "You will also need to pick Your groomsmen."
"Three should do."
"And You have to give a speech at the reception, but if You want, I could probably write it for You." I grinned knowing what was coming next.
"HA!" He said, "I had forgotten my speech. Let YOU write it? HA! I don't think so. I will take care of that." I had started giggling at the first HA!
When I had stopped giggling and He had stopped planning all the awful things He will say in His speech, He turned and looked at me.
"Hey Sarah," He said and smiled when I smiled, "just so you know, that wasn't the proposal, ok?"
"Oh I know," I said and kissed Him softly, "You are capable of so much better than that McBroden."
We both grinned and snuggled and kissed some more.
So after the big night, Mac's participation in the wedding is organised, but we are still unengaged and I kind of like it like this. The anticipation is sweet. We are both aware of it but we aren't in a hurry and we aren't trying to force it and it feels right, the way it should be.
I am so very much in love with Him.