Kneeling before Him...
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Thursday, January 20, 2005
I have to change tack. I have to take a moment to breathe. The closeness is too close and if I don't move away for just a moment, I may combust. He had to leave this morning. He won't be back until Saturday at least. He doesn't want to miss another game.
He took me again last night, a fast furious coupling, missionary position, in bed. It resulted in intense, drawn out, perfectly satisfactory orgasms for us both. Perfectly satisfactory. Fuck that. But there isn't time and we are both starving and neither of is getting proper sleep. When the ache of need gets so bad that it hurts, we talk of other things, and we bicker, perfectly aware that it is still there. This morning it almost tore the world apart.
'I am not able to get into the discussion now babe' He said.
'Of course not,' I spat back at Him, 'You have to go.'
'I am tired and frustrated.'
'So am I.'
He looked at me. 'I know.'
I glared at Him from the other side of the room. He sighed.
'I feel like my cock could burst.' He said. I didn't move. 'However, in deference to your feelings and gentleman as I am, I am conscious that should you be ordered to do something about it I would then have to leave and you would feel used and cheap, so I shan't.' (Yes, those were the words He used.)
'Damn you.' I hissed.
'Now what!' He gave me a look of exasperation. 'I am being considerate.'
'Yeah well you managed to make me feel like an uptight little bitch.'
He smiled. 'I was teasing you, lighten up.' He said.
'Well, when I am tired and frustrated is not a good time to be teasing me.' I said.
'You ARE an uptight little bitch,' He grinned, 'but not always.'
'Thank you.' I spat.
'Right. I am going to go now. There seems to be no way to lighten this conversation, so it may be best not to have it.'
'True.' I kept my hands folded across my chest.
'Bye.' He said and picked up his bag and headed for the bedroom door.
'Damn You.' I exploded. 'I love You.'
He turned and looked at me. 'I know.' He said again.
'No You don't.' I was yelling at Him now, close to losing control. 'If You did You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't just walk away when You know we won't see each other for days. Damn You.'
'Oh hush girl.' His tone was calm and smooth. 'Stop fucking whining. Sheesh.'
'Then give me Your cock.' I said defiantly, almost daring Him to.
He dropped His bag. 'Would it make your tits full and aching if I did?'
'Yes.' I was determined not to let my guard down against Him.
'And would you just make me come over them and your face? Or would you also moan and come yourself?'
'I don't need to come.' There was no way I was letting Him in that far. 'I need you to.'
'Sarah Broden are you asking me to take out my cock just so you can make me come?' He was undoing His trousers.
'Yes. Now be a good boy and do it.' I smiled my sweetest of sweet smiles at Him.
'Submissive little whore.' He whispered as He picked me up and carried me towards the bed.
'Arrogant prick.' I hissed back at Him. I was pushing Him. I knew it. He knew it too.
'Shut the fuck up, bitch.' He said as He forced Himself inside me.
He slapped me then, letting me know that my anger only got me so far and He wanted it to stop. I wasn't ready to let go.
'While I am gone, you will use my clip regularly.' He said. His cock felt so large thrusting into my cunt. I still felt so angry.
'No.' I said. It was not what either of us expected me to say.
'You fucking little bitch,' He glared, 'how dare you.'
'Damn You.' I spat at Him again.
He withdrew Himself from me and pulled me from the bed. He wasn't angry so much as bemused by my obvious temper tantrum and He wasn't having any of it.
'Squat.' He said as He pushed me down. I hunkered down knowing there was no point in fighting it. He slapped me, almost sending me off balance, grabbing my hair to keep me on my feet. He opened my mouth and shoved His cock inside me.
'If you touch me with your teeth I will slap you again.' He warned.
I let my teeth graze along His cock. He withdrew from my mouth and slapped me hard before shoving me back on His cock.
'Finger yourself while I fuck your mouth.' He ordered. Tears were flowing freely down my face. I did as I was told. 'I want you to come while my cock is in your mouth so you choke.'
I managed to whimper around His cock somehow. He pushed Himself back further into my throat. I gagged.
He withdrew then and grabbed me around the neck, pressing with both hands.
'You will use my clip, you disobedient fucking bitch.'
I started to come, my body shaking. He let go of my neck, grabbed my hair and shoved Himself deep into my throat again. I choked and spluttered and coughed as He filled my mouth with come.
I don't know which of us came harder, but when it was over neither of us moved.
'Jesus.' Mac said and I personally think that was the under-statement of the year.
He helped me up from the crouch that my legs had locked in and my knees both popped as I stood. He put His arms on my shoulders and forced me to look at Him.
'Sarah, use the damn clip. Ok?' He said softly.
I sighed. 'I don't want to. I don't like it. You won't be here.'
'For Christ sake woman, the whole fucking point is that I won't be here. It means you stay owned. You admitted it makes you feel owned.'
'But I want You here.' I pouted.
'Stop whining and use the damn clip like you have been told.'
'You have to go,' I said avoiding His eyes and looking at the clock. 'You are late. If You don't leave now You will miss the train.'
'If I don't leave now, I will want to come in you again.' Mac kissed me softly, pulling me to Him so I could feel His body pressed against mine.
'Bye Babe.' I whispered as He pressed His lips against my forehead.
'Bye gorgeous.' He whispered as I pressed my lips against the nape of His neck.
And He picked up His bag for the second time and He was gone. I stood there and listened to Him walk down the stairs and out the front door and I felt the tiniest thrill of victory. I hadn't told Him I would use the clip. I hadn't made any promises. I went to the drawer that I knew it was in and I pulled it open, wanting to gloat over it because I had won, only when I saw it I knew that I hadn't won at all. He had called me gorgeous and kissed me so softly and He hadn't wanted to leave almost as much as I hadn't wanted Him to. He was tired and frustrated, just as I was and I was being a disobedient little bitch when He really needed me to be a good girl. He had left without me promising to do as I was told. He knew that He couldn't make me do it. It was up to me to obey. Mac has said to me before, the day He has to force me to do as He says is the day that He will know that I no longer belong to Him. I took the clip from the drawer and headed to the shower. Straight away seemed like a good time to obey.
The clip is not that bad, not really. It only gets uncomfortable if I move. If I stay perfectly still it doesn't bother me at all. I can take it off when I need to, when it gets too intense, so long as I put it back on within an hour. I can masturbate at will, again so long as the clip is back in place within the hour and I don't (thank god) have to sleep with it on. I still hate/love it though, just in case you thought my feelings had changed but really, I fought it because I wanted to fight Him. I wanted to punish Him for having to be away when we really need some time together, which doesn't make the time we do have together fun.
I am still grinning at the way He used me though. Jesus.
I will tell Him I am wearing His clip when He calls tonight. I have a feeling that His reply will be, 'I know.'