Kneeling before Him...
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Sunday, January 16, 2005
On Friday morning I was stomping around like a bear with a sore head. Big brave Mac went to the office so He could hide from me. The cats went into hiding too and when I had managed to frighten them all off, I cried because no one wanted to be around me. By lunchtime, my period had started. The whole house breathed a sigh of relief. Had I not been so caught up in me I would have giggled about it.
After that, the cats seemed to sense that it was safe to make an appearance. I am much less threatening when it starts. Mainly I want to lie around and be hugged, lots. During the afternoon that is great because the cats want exactly the same thing, so we did it together.
And that is pretty much how Mac found us when He got home from work. The cats and I were all snuggled up together on the couch. I was feeling sore and bloated and generally icky and I must have looked it because Mac ever so lovingly took one look at me and told me I looked miserable, which is not exactly something I wanted to hear.
'I am not.' I said. I just want to lie down and be cuddled.'
'Ok,' He said. 'Come up to the bed and I will join you there for a cuddle after I check on an email I am expecting, ok?'
That sounded like a fair deal to me. I followed Him upstairs and went into the bedroom with every intention of waiting patiently for Him, only patience is a virtue and I am not very virtuous. After waiting for all of say two minutes, I went looking for Him. He was reading the email. I walked quietly into the room and Mac moved His chair so that I could sit on His lap. I snuggled into His chest while He read. When He had finished He kissed the top of my head.
'I like having you close like this.' He said.
'I need to be closer,' I whispered and I wriggled around a bit so that I was kneeling over His legs.
I kissed Him. I devoured Him. I licked and bit and sucked at His mouth until He groaned, then I took His cock from His trousers and I licked and bit and sucked at His mouth some more while stroking His cock. I used His cock as a toy, stroking it with my fingers, grazing it with my fingernails, pumping it with my palms, and running it along my panties between my legs. He came there, semen soaking into my panties with its heat. I was such a good girl, jerking Him gently to finish Him off, kissing Him softly to bring Him back to me.
'Whew,' He said and then fell quiet for a minute while I kissed Him some more. His breathing started to normalise. 'Do you think you should go lie down?' He asked. I tensed.
'Don't pull away from me.' I pleaded.
'I am not.' He said.
'You are. I can feel you disengaging.'
'Of course you can. I have come already. Doesn't mean I am drawing away.'
'Yeah it does.'
'No, Sarah, it doesn't.' I said nothing, just looked at my hands in my lap. Mac sighed. 'You have tired me out. I was fine before. Now I am bushed.' He rubbed His face.
'I suppose you have a lot of work to do.' I said, getting up.
'Now who is pulling away.' He said.
'Well Babe, You practically sent me to bed. There seems little point in loving You right now.'
Mac sighed again. 'I didn't send you to bed. I was just clumsy. That's all.'
I didn't move.
'I do still do have work to do,' He said, 'and you really should be in bed.
'You are right,' I said and I left Him sitting there even though I desperately wanted a kiss goodnight.
I went straight to the bathroom and took off my semen-soaked panties and threw them in the laundry basket. I was so angry that I didn't want any part of Him touching me. I was so frustrated that tears welled up and I almost gouged out my eyes trying to wipe them away. I stomped across the hallway into our bedroom and threw myself on the bed. I screamed silently for a long time. I wanted Him to come and hug me. I wanted Him to ease some of the ache. I wanted Him to love me properly. I wanted to be loved for me not because I can make Him come. I didn't understand why He didn't get that. I didn't understand why He didn't realise it wasn't about His orgasm, it was about making me feel a part of Him and if He was going to take Himself away from me once I had taken His semen, I didn't want it. I would have put it back to get Him to come back to me.
Somewhere in the anger I must have fallen asleep though when I woke with the faintest hint of sunlight in the sky, it felt like I had not been asleep at all. Mac was sleeping soundly next to me. I snuck out of bed and went downstairs for some juice and I stood at the kitchen window sipping it while the sun slowly woke the garden up. He didn't surprise me when He appeared in the kitchen. I had heard Him wandering around upstairs and knew it wouldn't take Him long to find me.
'Hey.' I said when His sleep tousled body finally appeared.
'Hiya' He said looking at the glass in my hand.
'Juice.' I held up my glass. 'Want some?'
I poured Him a glass of orange juice and handed it to Him before going back to stand at the window. He drank, though I could feel His eyes on me. I heard Him put the glass down and He came up behind me and wrapped His arms around my middle. He nuzzled into my neck.
'Mmmm,' He murmured, 'you smell good.'
I smiled. 'You always say that.'
He smiled. 'That's because you always smell all clean and girly. It's nice.'
I reached up and touched His cheek. 'Thank you.' I said.
'You ok?' He asked.
'Yes. I am fine.'
'Good.' A little silence. 'You know, we have a few hours before we have to be awake. We could go snuggle up in bed.'
'It's ok.' I said. 'Really I am fine.'
And it was true. The storm of last night had passed and I wasn't feeling anywhere near as needy. I knew that when He had pushed me away, He was just being Himself. He hadn't meant it for it to be the way I had taken it. There had been no intent to hurt and although I had a right to feel the way I felt, there is little point in holding on to it, all I would be doing is hurting myself more. We had both just stuffed it up.
'I know you are, but, I think I would like it if we did go back to bed.' Mac said.
I turned in His arms and I kissed Him, very softly and sweetly. He smiled and stepped away and held out His hand. I took it.
And we snuggled and we whispered and we giggled and kissed and touched and we fell asleep in each other's arms. It was a much more peaceful rest then before.
I still don't understand it. I don't get why at the time that I am feeling closest to Him, He is feeling like He wants to get away. Most of the time I accept it for who He is and do not ask Him for more than I feel He is capable of giving to me. It's only now and then that I need something more and it frustrates me no end when He is not able to find it when I need it. I know that I should have gone back to Him and told Him I felt bad instead of going to sleep angry. I think that He would have held me if I had told Him how much it was affecting me. Instead I let Him sit in the other room unaware. He might as well have been a world away. I know that when I do things like that, I frustrate Him no end.
Still it is amazing what a good snuggle will cure. It made the whole world the right side up again.