Kneeling before Him...
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Over the last few months I have had quite a few emails from women asking me to teach them how to be submissive or asking how to teach their partners to be like Mac and to each of them I have had to decline to help. Invariably, no matter how polite I am and how much I explain my decision not to help them, I never hear from these women again. I always feel like I have failed them in some way, but really I have done the only thing that I could.
I would be the last person on this earth that could teach someone to be submissive. Truth is, I have never learnt. When it comes to how I act and react to Mac, it is all about going with how I feel. There is no right or wrong way for us to do what we do, we just try and be as honest as we can be. For us it is not about rules that are read in a book and it is not about getting my ass spanked.
I am not going to even pretend to tell you that my submission is the only right type of submission to have. There is a world full of people out there that would disagree with me. If having your ass spanked is an important part of your submission, then I hope you get all the spanking that you need. If following the rules and rituals you read in books is what makes you happy, then I hope that you get all the rules and rituals you can follow. Heck, Mac and I have a few little rules and rituals we say and do. They are our personal things that come from our past together, things that we have taken our own meaning from.
I can't teach someone how to be like us because this is just us being who we are. Mac is as arrogant and pig headed, as self-confident and smartassed, as intelligent and cocky, as loving and giving and as gentle and romantic as He appears to be. He truly believes in getting what He wants when He wants and very rarely have I seen Him hesitate. For whatever reason, this works for Him. People give Him what He wants and it is only when someone is being a complete dickhead that I have seen Him use force. Most people give it to Him freely. Mac has always had this belief in Himself. It is always the way He has been.
For me, I try not to fight who I am and it is usually when I am pretending to be something I am not that Mac and I get into trouble. When I tell Him I am fine but I really need His reassurance, it starts us on an awful downward spiral that one of us has to step off of to stop. Luckily, most of the time I am brutally honest with Him. He has seen the absolute best and absolute worst of me and He still is in love with me.
And I think that is the most important part of Mac and I. It's not the submission and the dominance, it is the love. We both totally adore each other and when we are not caught up in some little psychodrama that we have created, we would both give the other anything to make the world shine for us. We have a tremendous amount of respect for each other that has been earned through trust and honesty. We believe in each other, though that is the thing I most often forget. Mac believes in me as much as I believe in Him.
It can't be taught, because it has to happen over time as the trust and love between two people grow. Mac and I may have only been a couple for two years, but for the four years before that, we were close friends and although it was (for the most part) non-sexual, it was still a relationship based on trust, respect and love.
If there was one thing I could tell everyone, submissives, and dominants and people in between, I would say don't settle for anyone less than someone you can trust enough to love completely. Be who you are, because let's face it, it is who your partner should love you for being. Yes there will be times it hurts like hell and yes there will be times you will fall down and yes there will be times you make mistakes with His heart and He makes mistakes with yours, and when it hurts that bad you will think that you will never be able to give Him all of you again because it tears you apart. But then you will because you know the good times, the happy times, the laughter, the lust and the love are worth at least five times any bad times you will go through.
But I guess even that is something you have to find out for yourself.
I am sorry that I can't be more help than that. I am just being honest with you all.