Kneeling before Him...
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Sometimes, for a reasonably intelligent person, I can be rather thoughtless. Sometimes I have to be smacked upside the head to see things that should be obvious to me. He misses me too.
Yesterday Mac called just as I had hit publish on the blog. It was the first chance I had to tell Him about the arrival of the books as He had been in transit until then. I almost fell over myself in my excitement and I didn't even stop to think about Him being so far away. He did though. He loved my excitement, but I felt His disappointment in not being here to share it with me. I think for the first time ever, Mac regretted that He could not be home. I don't mean that He doesn't miss me when He is away. I know that He does and sometimes, when I am freaking out I know that He hates it and would find it easier to be here, but yesterday, He felt like He was missing something really important. It is one of the disadvantages of needing to be away. It made me miss Him more.
When He felt me grow sad He told me to put on the clip.
"You should be very owned in your moment of triumph." He said.
"Are You going to be here?" I asked. I didn't want to put the clip on if I could not be talking with Him. That love hate thing had kicked in again.
"I can't. I have to go to a meeting. But when you wear my clip, I am there with you and you are feeling me."
"Yes and missing You." I said.
Mac changed tack then. He told me a joke, He talked about the previous blog entry and He made me giggle about the semen in my hair. He complained about lusting me and being too far away to do anything about it. He suggested that I could be in for some more decadence when He gets home. He had me all squirmy and happy again.
"Baby?" He said. "I really do have to go. For my sake, because I would rather stay with you, put the clip on for a while ok?"
"Ok." I answered quietly.
"Good girl." He said. "I will think of you. 20 minutes then come."
"Ok," I said again. "But I don't want you to go."
"Good. I don't want to go, as it should be, no?"
I smiled then. I had too. This was as hard for Him as it was for me and either one of us pouting would just make it more difficult on the other. I wanted Him here. He wanted to be here. It couldn't be helped. There was no need to make Him feel any worse then He did. There was no need to make myself feel any worse.
"I will use Your clip." I said.
"I love you baby."
"Love You too."
And for the next 20 minutes I knew that I was foremost in His thoughts even if He was supposedly working. At the 20-minute mark I knew that He ached to reach out and touch me as much as I ached to be touched. It didn't lessen the ache, but it made it more tolerable. I was able to slip back into my excitement at having my books. I made plans and went shopping because He will come home and we will celebrate. I bought champagne and our favourite cheeses, an assortment of crackers and choice pieces of fruit and a little piece of material that covers enough to entice the imagination. I know Mac will enjoy it almost as much as I will.
It will be a good way to welcome Him home.