Sometimes when I am kneeling on the floor looking up at Mac, His semen still hot on my face, my cheeks still stinging from His hand and He is standing over me, His cock still pulsing as it rests against my lips, I wish that for just a moment, I could change bodies with Him and He could know what it is I feel. In that moment when I am so full of lust and love, adoration and submission, I want Him to see my soul, to know it, to feel the mixture of emotions that words are inadequate to describe. He is my lover. He is my protector. He is my friend. He is my provider. He is my guide and my strength. He is my pleasure and my pride. I see Him clearly and brightly. I see Him as a man. My Man. My Male. Mine.

We fought yesterday, an intense spark of flame that was over quickly. Mac made a decision that I did not agree with, but after a discussion in which I was unable to convince Him that I was right and He was unable to convince me He was right I was reminded that I do not live in a debate society. As hard as it is right now, I have to do what Mac thinks is right. He has made the decision that He believes is best for us and I believe that He knows what He is doing. He is my guide, He is my protector, I place my trust in Him.

Strangely enough, now that the choice has been made, I feel compliant. I know my place and I will do what I have to do to obey Him. It is no longer my job to worry over what will happen and there is no need for me to ponder the "what ifs" I am not saying this is easy or that there is no doubt in my mind. I would need to be a robot for that to occur. But this is a real test of our trust. It is easy to trust someone else when they are doing things that you want them to do. It is much harder when it goes against your own thoughts. This is a real test of my submission and my belief in Him. He has not led me wrong yet.

So I feel a need to be on my knees, to look up at Him with all my love for Him laid bare. I feel a need to see Him as my Male, as mine. But most of all I need Him to know that this is how I feel about Him and for Him to know that my heart is in His hands. I trust Him, I believe in Him and I will obey Him.

I am His girl.