Kneeling before Him...
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Sunday, January 23, 2005
This happens every once in a while around here so if you have been here for a while you may have seen something similar to this before. If you have only just joined us and you stick around long enough you are likely to hear it again. Every now and then the naysayers really start to get on my nerves. Blame Mac. I am still waiting to be thoroughly fucked and I tend to get a little tense when I am kept waiting to long. (And Mac that was a not so subtle hint.)
People keep telling me I am sick for daring to live out my fantasies with a man I love and adore. I must be oppressed, subjugated, forced into this role by Him to gain His acceptance. I am told that He is sick, He has to force Himself to believe that I am guilty of some transgression and deserving of His punishment. I am told to get help and get it now. I am told this in mail, I am told it in comments and I am told it in other more subtle ways.
I have just finished reading a book by a well-known author, one of the ones so well known that his name takes up more space on the cover than the title of the book. I was somewhat taken aback when one of the lead characters, a psychopathic murderer no less, indulged in an erotic power exchange in which the girl was dirt to him. He hurt her because he liked hurting her. He believed it gave him power over her. He hurt her because it made him feel like a god to be able to slap her around and fuck her without care. She let him hurt her because she was filthy rich and could buy everything except someone to tell her no. She wanted him to hurt her because she wanted to be punished for being able to do what she liked. The message was there, loud and clear, "THIS IS EVER SO SEXY BUT THE PEOPLE ARE SICK"
This author is not stupid, he knows what sells his works of fiction. It was not the first time I had seen him use a power exchange like the one above. I am sure it won't be the last. I am not the only one that reads him and if I mentioned his name here, so many of you would go 'ahhh'. I have no desire for a web search on his name to show my site. He is entitled to his well-sold opinion and I am sure it will continue to make him rich.
But it makes me angry. People read this and believe it. I wonder how many women suffer with the guilt that is placed upon them by this? Yes it is sexy, yes so many of them throb at his description of the sex. So many clitorises swell and so many vaginas clench and their minds are filled in shame at the illness they assume they are afflicted with. How many negative images of sex do we need in our lives? How many times do we have to be told that our desires, our wants, the things that make us tremble and shudder in the deepest darkest of night are wrong, dirty and disgusting? How many times must we fight what we feel so that we can fit into what our society tells us we should feel? How long do we have to fight to be normal? And who the hell gets to decide for us what is normal anyway?
And I dare to challenge that assumption that anyone that likes rough sex is sick. I dare to say that my Male does not hate me, but in fact loves and adores me, even when His hands are treating me rough. Our sex is not an act of hate and disgust and no one will ever convince me of such. Mac does not slap me because He hates me. He does it simply because I come so damn hard when He has. Our sex is full of lust and passion, love and affection, decadence and desire. Our sex fills me up. And I refuse to believe any longer that there is something wrong with that and I will not hide from the way I feel. I do not submit to Him for acceptance. I submit to Him because I believe He is worthy of submitting to. I submit to Him because it feels so natural to do it. I allow myself to be led by my heart, my feelings and my desires, instead of allowing the rest of the world to tell me how I am supposed to live. If anyone is uncomfortable with that then I feel sorry for his or her partner. Their partner will never be able to tell them how they really feel. Heaven forbid they ever deviate from the ever so praised 'norm'. Yet safely locked in their little world of normality, it is my blog that they come back to read while convincing themselves I am sick. It is that author's books and so many like his that sell because lets face it folks, roses and missionary position sex do not sell. It is not what we want to read about. It is not what our fantasies are made of. We want it a little rough. We want it a little depraved. We want it out of control with lust and passion. We want to read about those things that we would never dare to admit to desiring. Those are the things that make our bodies tighten and shudder. Those are the things that put us on heat.
Well I have made it real, I live it, I love it and I write about it. I have dared to make others feel it too. I have had women thank me for making them believe they no longer have to be ashamed of what they feel. I have had women say I have inspired them to tell their partners the truth. All because I have the hide to offer my submission to a Man that loves it, treats it with the respect it deserves and holds it above all else. He doesn't hate me, He isn't some sick psychopath that is one day going to kill me and He would never do anything to intentionally cause me harm. I would go so far to say that Mac would protect me with His life if it were needed of Him. If someone tried to hurt me they had better kill Him first because He is going to make them wish that they were dead.
I am His princess and His angel. I am His girl, His friend, His lover. My heart is precious to Him, so precious that He gave me His in return. I am the woman that will be His wife (when He gets around to asking me, another not so subtle hint,) and the mother of His children. I will grow old with Him and we will still love and honour each other when I am too old to kneel and He is too old to remember why He used to like me on my knees. In a society where as many marriages fall apart as stay together, perhaps it is time we stopped telling people that they have to conform to the normal to be ok. Perhaps we should be saying follow your feelings and find someone that respects you for not hiding who you are. Maybe it is time to question why normal is wrong for as many people as it is right for. Maybe it is time we gave people the choice to follow their desires without having to feel guilty about it. Maybe then the world would be a happier place to be.
And to that author I would say that it is so easy to take the path most often trodden upon. It is so easy to make those of us that follow our desires the freaks. I would challenge him to take that lust and desire and place it in the balance of a loving and beautiful relationship, in which she flourishes and he rules the world. Then I will gladly say your name here. Until then, you are just another pulp fiction hack.
And to Mac I say thank you for loving who I am. You make me complete.
I don't need saving from this.