Kneeling before Him...
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Thursday, January 13, 2005
Yesterday started out as a bad day for me. Mac had been really busy on Monday and I was sleeping by the time He made it home, so when Tuesday rolled around and Mac was out of here early with nothing more than a quick kiss on the cheek, I found myself in a bad mood. Of course, that bad mood meant that everything started to go wrong. As the day wore on, I got more and more agitated and more and more things went wrong so by midafternoon, when Mac called, I was not a happy little camper at all.
Then He told me that He was flat out busy and would either be home late, or if He did make it home on time, He would have a lot of work to do. He said He was sorry, but He couldn't do anything about it right now. The work had to be done. Of course in the mood I was in I heard 'blah blah I don't have time for you right now blah blah blah.' I became even more agitated and I tried to pick an argument with Him. He wasn't biting. No matter how irritating I got, He just talked to me calmly and easily, ignoring my efforts to push Him away. I gave in to Him, answering His questions properly instead of biting at Him. I could almost see Him smiling at me.
He told me He had to go as He had a meeting He needed to be in but before He left, He wanted to ask me a question.
'Ok.' I said.
'If I were home and asked you to take me quickly in your mouth and make me come and keep my semen in your mouth and swallow it, would you?'
'Would you want to do it? Or just do it because I told you to?'
Mac knows that blowjobs are not one of my favourite/are one of my favourite things. I do not enjoy the taste of semen, but I love pleasing Him this way.
'Babe,' I said, 'all I want, is to make You happy.'
'So you would joyfully make me come in your mouth?'
'Mmm,' He said. 'Gorgeous.' And He fell silent, obviously lost in thoughts of coming in my mouth.
'Mac?' I asked tentatively. 'After You came, would You hold me and kiss me and tell me that there is nothing more beautiful in the world?'
'Once I stopped shuddering, Sarah, yes, I would hold you and whisper that I cannot imagine anything more beautiful than you.'
I smiled. I needed to hear that. It took the edge away from the irritation I was feeling.
Then Mac ordered me to the bedroom. I was to place the clip on and kneel and think of our sex for 20 minutes and then I was to make myself come. I told Him I would.
But I did not want to. I had other things that needed doing. I wasn't in the mood for sex. I didn't want to come. I did not want to feel His clip on me. Well, I did want to come and I did want His clip on me, but I wanted it with Him here. I didn't want to do it alone. The irritation returned and I resented the intrusion on my day. I thought about not doing it for all of about 3 seconds before trudging off to the room and doing as I was told, because if I am not going to obey Him, then I am just defeating myself.
So I knelt on the floor with His clip in place and I thought about things that would have displeased Him. I thought about kneeling on the bedroom floor on my own. I thought about having to do this without Him. I thought about how much I wanted Him near me, to hear His voice whispering wickedly sweet things and how I wanted to feel His hands on me and to smell His skin. I kept glancing at the clock, timing myself, wanting the 20 minutes to hurry along so that I could get it over with and get on with the rest of my day, only with about 5 minutes to go, I suddenly thought of Mac and I wondered if He was looking at a clock too. I wondered if He was thinking about me, kneeling naked on the floor, and if He was filled with lust at the thought. I wondered if when the 20 minutes were up would He shudder thinking about me coming for Him even though He could not be here.
Those last five minutes turned into the most exquisite torture. The time slowed to an excruciating pace. Every tick of the clock seemed to take an eternity and my clitoris was throbbing so hard that it began to ache. My throat was thick with lust and sex was in every breath I took. I was almost choking on it by the time the clock let the 20 minutes pass. I came violently, with very little effort, whimpering and curling up to escape from the pleasure of it all. I lay on the floor panting until the worst of it had passed then I reached between my legs and slipped His clip from me. I stayed on the floor a while longer and let my body settle before cleaning His clip and myself up.
The rest of the afternoon passed in a semi-pleasant blur. There were still more irritations I had to get through but they were easier to deal with now. I had a dinner date with a girlfriend that had been planned a month or so before and Mac had said He would either grab something at the office or on His way home so things were a little out of routine and I found that annoyed me a bit.
While getting ready to go out, I realised that Mac could be home before me so I decided to write Him a note and stick it to His desk. It ended up being two notes. I couldn't fit everything on one. This is what they said.
You wanted to know about our sex. I didn't want to do as you asked me to. I didn't want to make myself come. I knelt and I put the clip on and I wanted You to be there to hold me and make me feel good. I wanted us to make it feel so fucking absolutely good that I could scream with it. I wanted to let go. I wanted to feel safe enough to not hang onto it. I wanted to please You.
I came for You. Just for You. I came because I knew You wanted me to. I thought that perhaps, when the 20 minutes were up You were sitting in some meeting thinking about me and thinking that right now, I was coming for you. I need to please You that much. I love You that much
Mac did come home while I was out at dinner and when I arrived home He was working in His study. I went straight up to say hello.
'Bad girl.' He said and I pouted at Him.
'Never!' I said.
'You are!' He exclaimed. 'You did not do as you were told.'
'I DID SO!'
'You said you didn't want to.'
'I didn't want to, but I still did it!'
'Oh,' He said. 'I read that you didn't.'
'I am a good girl.' I pouted again.
'And did you come?' He asked, ignoring the pout.
'YES!' I said exasperated. 'I told you in the notes I left.'
'You didn't.' He said. 'Did you?'
'Yes. Read the notes again.'
'Wait,' He said, 'there was only one note.'
'No, there were two.'
'Well there was only one stuck to the desk when I got home.'
And sure enough, a little bit of searching found the other note on the floor with a suspicious amount of Pickle coloured fur stuck to the sticky bit.
'Doesn't mean he took it.' Mac said. The males in our house always watch each other's backs. He read the second note. 'Oh, now it makes more sense.'
I rolled my eyes and thought it best that I say nothing. Mac grinned at me and pulled me to His lap.
'Come here and let me love you for a little while.' He whispered. I wasn't about to argue with that. He kissed me and told me that He had loved knowing that He was controlling my sex even while He was in the meeting. I smiled and told Him that He is always controlling my sex, even when He has no clue.
'Yeah, I know,' He said, 'but this time, I knew it, you know? Tell me what you thought about baby. Tell me what, or who, made you come.'
I frowned. 'I told You what made me come. I came because I thought of You in some meeting, watching the time and thinking about me.'
'Baby,' He whispered between soft little kisses, 'my cock was hard, my balls were full and you filled my thoughts. I knew what you were doing. I wasn't sure if you would think of sex or just of, well, being mine. I guess it was the latter.'
'Yes. The latter.' I agreed.
'I adore you. You know this, yes?'
'I try and remember it, Babe.
'I know.' He said and for a little while we just kissed.
'This possession thing,' He said when we came up for air, 'to me its my gift to you rather than the other way around. I don't need it at all. I love that you do. I find it sweet, endearing, sexy, gratifying.'
'I am not sure what I should say.' I wasn't sure exactly what Mac was saying and I didn't want what I said to be wrong because it felt like Mac was telling me something I needed to hear.
'I am just clumsily trying to tell you something, that it's... ok, you know? You can want and need it as much as you want. It's ok.'
I frowned again. 'Sometimes, especially lately, it feels like I am too much for you.'
'That's what I am trying to tell you, baby, you aren't. Whatever you are or however you are I can take more of it.' He said.
'What if You can't?' I asked, voicing something that is one of my greatest fears. What if Sarah becomes too much of a burden, even on the big tough rugby-playing Mac?
'You delight me.' He shrugged. 'So I can.'
'Then don't let go McBroden, or I will have to beat You to a bloody pulp.' I smiled.
We kissed some more.
'I am loving you very gently in spite of a surging cock and full balls. Or maybe because of.' He said the next time we stopped to breathe.
'I needed to be loved today.' I said.
He smiled. 'Well, you are.'
I could feel His cock pressing into my thigh as I sat across His legs. He was so hard that He was bruising me.
We talked about making love, and I told Him that I really didn't want to. What I wanted was to just please Him. He smiled and He kissed me and told me that it would be all right with Him.
I slid from His lap to my knees in front of His chair and He moved Himself forward a little. I undid His trousers and we scooted them down so that I had free access to His cock and balls. I loved them the way I wanted to. I lapped at Him with my tongue and nuzzled Him against my cheek and spat on Him so that my fingertips would glide along Him. I told Him how much I loved Him and how much I adored Him and I licked the precum from the head of His cock. Mac said nothing, just watched what I was doing and gently played with my hair. He warned me when He was about to come, but I knew and was already taking Him into my mouth. I took all the semen He had, trying to swallow it all but some of it spilt from the corner of my lips.
When He had finished shuddering, I looked up at Him and smiled and I could see the depth of love for me in His eyes. He pulled me to His lap again and He kissed my still hot mouth and I knew that I was the most gorgeous and most loved person in the world.
He let me sit on His lap a little while longer, but I could see His computer screen and I was watching all the urgent emails coming in. I slid from His lap to my feet and stood in front of Him. He was still holding onto my hand. Neither of us really wanted to be not touching. If we couldn't touch, we were too far apart.
I asked Mac if He would mind if I sat on the floor near His desk for a while and He said it would be fine, but that He really did have a lot of work to do and I knew He meant that He wouldn't be able to stop and talk to me the way He usually does when I am sitting there. I told Him that I didn't mind. I got a cushion and the cross-stitch I am working on, some scissors and my Ipod mini and I made us both drinks. I sat on the cushion and leant back against His desk and I filled my time while He worked. I didn't say a word to Him, I didn't try and catch His attention, I concentrated on being as quiet and unobtrusive as I could be.
When He had finished His work He told me that I had been a good girl and I beamed at Him. I told Him that I knew He didn't understand, but even though we had not been talking or even touching, it was important to me that I was close to Him. He smiled and I touched His cheek and thanked Him. I knew that most of the day had simply been about reassuring me.
And I know that sometime in the future Mac and I will get it wrong again, but for now, it feels so close to perfect that I can't find any excuse to hold on to my anguish. I have to let it go and allow myself to fly. I woke this morning feeling like I could conquer the world.
Somehow I think this is just how Mac wants me to feel.