Kneeling before Him...
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Wednesday, March 16, 2005
I received an email last night that made me realise that I sometimes write like everyone knows us intimately. I forget that new readers appear everyday and may not understand what is being said. I think that is the nature of a blog though and I am not sure how I can change that without ending up writing like the author of a sequel. I always hate that part of the book, where they do a brief gloss over of what happened in the previous books to get you up to speed. If I haven't read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, I shouldn't be reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, now should I? Thing is, with the blog, I can understand not wanting to go backwards and read all that has come before, because well, this is what is happening now. I often find myself not wanting to read others histories, tell me about today, damn it, that's what I want to know.
So really I can't assume that everyone has been around a while, yet I am loathe to do a brief rundown of things each time I write something. I guess I just have to be careful of how I phrase things because people that have not been around for a while won't know that I write this the way that Mac and I actually speak and we speak in some pretty odd ways.
What sparked this off was an email from a lovely lady that was very non-judgmental, but a little concerned that Mac had given me 'a little smack in the mouth' when I had not brought my problem to Him immediately. I smiled when I read how delicately she put it, not wishing to offend me but still surprised that Mac would do such a thing. The thing is, Mac never physically smacked me in the mouth. It was purely a verbal admonishment. Mac and I just call that a smack in the mouth and He threatens me with many more than He ever delivers. In other words, when I am being a bitch Mac will say 'You are heading for a smack in the mouth (or teeth)'. It means that I should watch what I am saying or He is going to tell me off or start ignoring me. Usually it works. I stop. But sometimes He actually does have to raise His voice or walk away from me. Either way I cry. I really do break down so easily in the face of His displeasure. He never actually has to physically punish me and I don't think that He ever would. It just isn't our thing.
When He told me that I should have brought the problem to Him immediately, He gave me a chance to explain and apologise, I did both and He forgave me. It is that simple for us. I remember Mac once telling me that for us there would be no penance to be served, if I had made a mistake, then I was to come to Him and kneel and tell Him I was sorry and He would kiss me and tell me that I was forgiven and if He had made a mistake then I would go to Him and kneel and He would tell me that He was sorry and kiss me and I would forgive Him. He thought that was how it was meant to be between us and He was right. It is how we should be. Neither of us ever means to hurt the other, it is not done with intent and to punish someone for something they didn't mean is more damaging then the mistake itself would be. At least, to us it is.
So there was no actual smack in the mouth and there was no punishment. In fact, Mac spent a good 20 minutes making sure that I knew that He didn't mind taking care of me.
Next time I will try to be clearer in what I mean.