Kneeling before Him...
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Saturday, March 19, 2005
There was an argument between Mac and I a few days ago. It was just a spark and although it was cleared up quickly, it left us both feeling a little out of sorts. It really wasn't a big deal and I probably made more out of it than I should have, but this week, I have been a little more emotional than normal. (Though I am not sure what normal is for me.)
It was just over something simple. Something came up at Mac's work and plans that He and I had were cancelled to accommodate. I know that sometimes life is like that, it just seems that lately life has been that way too much. I lost my temper with Mac when He called to let me know and I damned Him twice. He was far from impressed with what I said and how I said it. I did not apologise straight away. It was hard to see past my anger and hurt at that point, but Mac gave me time to calm down and cool off and when He called back later on, I did apologise, not for being hurt, but the way I had expressed myself was wrong. He accepted the apology and we discussed why I felt like plans made with me were of less value then other things seemed to be and Mac understood why I felt the way I did, even if He didn't feel it was true. He wasn't about to let me get away with whining about it though.
The air was cleared and peace was made and He kissed me and loved me when He got home that night, and I reciprocated. I felt no malice, no bitterness, I was just happy to have Him home with me, but there was something, a little anxiousness that seemed to have planted itself firmly in my tummy. I found that I was a little afraid of hanging on to Him but ever so afraid of letting Him go. I needed Him to find time just for me, not time between jobs and not time when He really should be doing something else. I needed just Mac and Sarah time where nothing else existed, time where the world could go to hell so long as I still had Him with me.
I kept remembering a moment after the last rugby game He played. He had just come off the field and I was waiting for Him. He stood in front of me and put His hands on my hips. I reached up and brushed some of the mud from His face. He smelled of adrenaline and dirt and seemed so very big. His kisses were breathless and quick. He hadn't come down properly from the game. He smiled at me and I smiled at Him and for that moment, the world just dropped away. I wanted Him and He wanted me and nothing else meant a thing. I could have gotten lost in it right then and there only a team-mate slapped Him on the back and told me to 'put that man down' as I didn't know where He had been.
Then yesterday Mac came home from work a little earlier than I expected. I greeted Him with the usual excitement that I feel when He is home and He kissed me gently on the cheek. I smiled at Him and told Him that was nice. He led me to the couch and sat down, pulling me onto His lap and kissing me again. Then He tucked me into His shoulder and held on to me tightly. And I held onto Him.
He told me that He loved me gently, tenderly, possessively, protectively, and very sexually and urged me to get closer to Him. He played with my hair as I tried to wriggle even closer. I could feel His cock, hard, pressing into me. I told Him that I loved Him. He told me that He knew and when I started to cry from being so full of love for Him He held my face and hushed me, telling me it was ok, and that my tears would give Him high blood pressure because He was kissing them away.
I told Him that I needed this, I needed to be this close to Him and He surprised me by telling me He needed it too, that I forget that He doesn't choose to be apart from me. The times we spend racing from place to place stopping only for a quick kisses, a three-minute blowjob, and sleep affects Him too. He sometimes needs for the world to stop for a while and just be with me.
We stayed like that for about an hour, whispering, kissing, touching. Loving. Then I asked if I could touch His cock and He asked if I would like to kiss it and I slid to my knees and lovingly, gently, and ever so sensually, I licked Him until He came in my mouth. Then I climbed back onto His lap and we kissed and touched and whispered some more. Another hour passed uninterrupted until Mac's tummy started to complain that it was being ignored.
It reconnected us beautifully. I needed His strength and He needed my gentleness. We are two complimentary parts of a whole.
I have never been loved so completely by anyone before.