Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, April 11, 2005
Last night I was lying in bed naked when Mac came in to join me so we could sleep. I was tired, I have been tired for days and it doesn't matter how much sleep I have or live without, my body is just exhausted from fighting this disease.
"C'mere" He said and opened His arms and I shifted into them easily. I snuggled into His chest and listened to His heartbeat. I felt very soft and gentle, very light and small, fragile, I guess. Mac held onto me tightly.
"Baby? I want to ask you something and I want an honest answer, as always, ok?" He said.
"Uh huh," I murmured already feeling heavy with sleep.
"When I tell you how much I love you does it make you uncomfortable?"
I hesitated. I hesitated for quite a while. You see sometimes the truth is hard to tell. Sometimes it would be easier to lie, just say no, it doesn't make me uncomfortable, but lying, keeping secrets, always destroys people in the end. So even though I hesitated, I told the truth. He said that was what He wanted from me.
"Sometimes it is uncomfortable for me."
"Oh," He said. I knew I had let Him down.
"I knew that was the wrong answer." I said. "But sometimes it makes me go all squirmy inside because I feel like I don't deserve it."
"Oh." He said again. "Is that the only reason it makes you uncomfortable?"
"Not because you think 'this is supposed to be Him! He is supposed to hit me, not tell me he loves me!"
"Baby, its not like you send me roses and write me poetry. Besides, You say, 'I love you, now bugger off'. That's hardly gushing Babe."
"Ok. That's ok then. If all that worries you is that you don't deserve it, well that's something we will always have to deal with. You will always feel that way a little. I accept it. Its part of you."
"Well that's good then." I said.
"So wanna be my girl for a long time?
"SEE! Really romantic, you are!"
"Well fuck, no point in over complicating it. You do that enough for the both of us. For all of us!"
"Do too. So I will just love you simply and take care of your heart. The rest will follow. Few ups and downs along the way I suppose, but I want you here at my side."
I kissed Him then, a long deep kiss full of forever promises. He turned me over onto my back and slid between my open, willing legs. I lay there looking up at Him and reached up to cup His gorgeous face with my hands. I wanted to tell Him that I love Him but I couldn't find the words to convey how big it felt. It was too much. So I forced it into my eyes, all that I could and I held Him so He was looking at me.
Something wonderful happened, something amazing and beautiful and even though I have seen this happen in His eyes before, it is still like a first time. It never diminishes at all. I watched Mac fall in love with me again. It is the most beautiful agony I have ever endured. I clung to Him, desperate to be a part of Him and He whispered to me, soothing me into letting Him go. He wanted to taste me.
"It's ok Sarah. I am here with you. You are mine. You belong to me, all of you. I will not let you go. You are mine. All mine. Always Sarah. All ways. You are mine."
And I let Him move down my body and He held me open with His hands. He sucked on me and He pushed inside me with His tongue and grazed me with the stubble on His chin. I held onto His hair and pushed my hips up to put the pressure on just the right place. Then I held onto Him tighter and did it again so I could come. I whimpered and sobbed and shuddered and He sucked on me until I was done. Then He moved up my body and entered me with His cock.
His chin and mouth glistened with my juices and I licked at Him tentatively before sucking His chin greedily into my mouth. He groaned and thrust into me harder. I tightened all of the muscles that I could. He groaned again and I started to whimper again. He roared when His balls emptied into me and then He lay on my chest and just breathed. I stroked His hair.
He softened slowly, His cock sliding out of me after a while. I was sad to feel it slip away from me. I sighed softly.
"Would you like to clean it with your mouth?" He said. "My balls are sticky with our come."
I smiled. "Yes please."
He moved again, turning Himself around so that His cock was at my mouth while His mouth was once again between my legs. While I licked and suckled at His balls and His soft sensitive cock He licked my thighs, my tummy, my pussy and my ass. He pressed His tongue inside me when He could. It wasn't long before I was whimpering again and I shuddered beneath Him once more. That contented Him.
He moved back up the bed and lie beside me. We kissed and we smiled at each other. Then we kissed again.
"I could kiss you all night." He said.
"I could let You." I said.
So He almost did. Last night we kissed and we dozed and we woke to make love again and then we would kiss and doze some more. We are both walking around today, exhausted but content. It was something we haven't done in a while, but something we should do now and then.
Mac says He doesn't understand how after all this time together, the sex can still be so new and exciting. It always stays so fresh, fresh enough for Him to want to slip inside my already come-soaked pussy at 1 am and again at 3am and again at 5 or about those times. Mac seems to think I missed a time or two. He thinks perhaps I didn't wake, but He says that each time I was a willing participant. Maybe I was dreaming it as it was happening.
So today I think that we will take it easy. Mac will work quietly at home and after lunch He will take a break and we will snuggle into bed for a nap. I will gurgle and coo at having Him so close again and He will smile and tell me to shut up and go to sleep.
It will be a good day, I think.