Kneeling before Him...
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Friday, April 15, 2005
Something happened to change the way I felt. It was simple really. Mac called and told me He was feeling lonely and homesick. He missed me. Apparently He isn't always superman. Although I knew this about Him, it still comes as a bit of a surprise when it happens. I never expect Him to belong to me as well.
My drive to be slapped and bitten and marked and used left me, just like that. I lost the urge to push Him and feel Him push back. He needed me to be loving and gentle and it was there inside me waiting for Him. We talked and we made each other laugh, then we made each other come, then we made each other laugh again.
It was odd. It wasn't what I wanted from Him, but it was comforting. I felt close to Him even though He wasn't here. I got a little upset when it was time to hang up the phone and I cried a little when He was gone. Not really because I was sad, but just because it was hard to break the connection I felt. Sometimes it is just really hard to let go. I guess that is why sometimes I need some quiet time kneeling/sitting beside Him while He works or reads.
Today I have felt a little out of sorts. Not screaming, tantrum throwing, renting of clothes and gnashing of teeth, just a little confused, a little sad, a little weird, I guess. I know He will be home soon, and He will want to make love, or fuck, or come in my mouth and I know I will accept whatever He wants and I will take great pleasure in it too. We will kiss a lot and be naked in each other's arms and I will listen to His heartbeat and breathe in His Male scent. We will touch each other in every possible way.
He needs it almost as much as I do.
Funny how sometimes we can be that way.