Kneeling before Him...
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Thursday, April 21, 2005
Yesterday I did make Mac come. It was evil and wicked of me. We were talking across the hall while He was in His study and I was in my room and He was telling me what a sexy voice I had. Pure fuck me voice, apparently. It is all throaty and raspy from the infection. Mac told me to shut up so that He could concentrate on the work He was doing, so I undressed and walked to His door and stood there silent and naked. He glanced over at me.
"Christ," He said. "On your knees. Now."
It took just under two minutes to make Him come. It was easy really. I haven't been able to take Him deep in my mouth because of my sore throat so instead I stuck my tongue out and licked along the underside of His cock while I jerked Him. When I felt that He was holding out and holding back, I closed my lips over the head of His cock and gently sucked. He came almost instantly. Sometimes all it takes is a tiny little change to push Him over the edge. Sometimes He thinks I know Him too well.
About an hour later He called me to His study. He asked if I would like to see the second picture that He had. He was feeling lustful and wanted to show me it and see what I thought. I told Him that I would love to see it. This time it was a girl on her knees, resting back, legs apart, hands behind her supporting her. She had on leather cuffs around her wrists and ankles, a leather belt around her waist, a leather harness around her breasts and a thick leather collar attached to a long chain leash. A foot in a leather boot was resting between her breasts and her head was back, and again this girl's look was one of pure lust. She loved it, every second of it and was prepared to give her Him all.
Mac made me sit on His lap, facing away from Him, my legs apart over His and He pulled me back so that my ear was resting near His mouth and He played with me while He whispered filthy things.
He spoke to me about this cruel Male that would make her lick His boots and how she would do it as eagerly as if it was His balls and how if He whipped her until she bled while she did it, that would be just fine too. Or if He made her crawl around the room on a leash to the waiting cocks of His friends, how happily she would suck each one for Him. All of it, she wanted all He wants to give and then more and more.
She knew that soon she will be bruised, beaten, bloody, sore, stretched, utterly used up and she wanted for it to start and not stop. She wanted to give herself to Him right now.
"You want Him to be cruel to you." Mac said.
"Yes." I gasped.
"You want to please Him."
"You want Him to keep you just as His."
"To do with as He pleases."
I came, long and hard. I hurt from it. I tried to curl up in a ball on His lap to escape from it. He kept His fingers firm inside me and held me still. I whimpered and I moaned and Mac rocked me against His hand until my orgasm subsided and I just lay there for a while trying to gather my wits. Then I got embarrassed at how hard I had come.
Mac whispered that a woman's mind is a complicated thing, that it was strange how I could fall in lust with a Man when I could only see His boot.
I curled up in His lap and asked Him why we never discuss His desires. He asked me what I meant because as far as He was concerned I know His desires better than He does.
"I do?" I asked.
"I think so." He said. "Being male I don't really think too much about what my desires are. It would be hard to list them and compartmentalise them. You women have yours all sorted by the age of about 15 and when you are with a man, you have his sorted out as well, as you have with me. You have watched, observed, made mental notes of how to please me, how to arouse me, or how to make me come quickly. You know you have. Its very feminine."
"Yes, but it is not the same as Your fantasies."
"Yes it is, baby. You take care of your male well and I adore you all the more for it."
"I guess it is just, You invent these men for me, but have no desire to be that man." I frowned.
He told me that it is because He loves my sexuality. He loves being able to play me like a violin, my desires being the bow. He told me that just because it is different to His doesn't mean He shouldn't use it to make me sob and grunt in a most lady like manner. That is the part that turns Him on. He said He could be the man leading me to suck on different cocks, then suck their semen from me and smear it between my legs, He could fuck my mouth and pussy and ass until we couldn't move but He could not be the one to make me bleed or treat me with such disdain that it distressed me while my pussy throbbed for more. He couldn't hurt me that way. It isn't in Him.
This was not news to me. I know all of this about Him. I am sure I have written about all this before. But suddenly yesterday, I needed His reassurance that it was not wrong for me to desire the things that make Him grimace.
"I never grimace when I have you where I want you, sobbing and grunting and clenching and out of your control and into mine." He said.
"I would always be in Your control if I could be." I whispered.
He stroked my hair. "I know Baby. I know."
He asked if I was drained and I told Him that I was and that I felt like something bad had almost happened. I was feeling a little lost. He said it wasn't anything bad, that I had just had an intense and emotional orgasm that was more about life then about sex. He felt that sometimes the sex takes so much from me because of the level we push it to. I guess with being sick, this time it drained me more.
He let me sit there a little while longer then He sent me off to rest while He did some work. It wasn't long before I was back again, sitting on the floor at His side, reading quietly while He got on with what He needed to be doing. We talked occasionally when He would take a break. It was nice, relaxing, reaffirming. I just needed to be close to Him, to be submissive to Him, even if it meant just sitting by His side. It is enough to make me feel safe and secure again, especially when He looks down at me and smiles.
I love Him more every single day.