Kneeling before Him...



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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

It's funny. This past week I have been bursting with energy. I was so bouncy and full of life and giggles that even Mac was having trouble keeping up with both me and the amount of work he had to do. I also ate like the world was coming to an end. I wasn't just hungry I was ravenous constantly. I didn't eat just for the sake of it, but because I needed it. I was starving, no matter what I had eaten my body demanded more food.

Then my period started and all I have wanted to do is sleep. I am just too tired to do anything else. I feel like napping an hour after I wake and if I try to ignore the feeling of tiredness my speech thickens and my head starts to droop. I can't carry a conversation past a few sentences because I lose track of what I was saying. And the thought of food makes me want to throw up. My stomach is truly upset at the idea of putting anything in it. So I am eating dry crackers a to try and tempt my appetite and fighting to keep down orange juice so that the iron tablets I am taking have something to bind too. It seems that no matter how much iron I am putting in to me, my body just wants me to be bordering on anaemic.

But strangely, even with all this happening, I am happy and content. I am so different to the girl I wrote about yesterday. Mac must feel He is dealing with two personalities inside me. After being so tense and stressed on Sunday, by Monday I was tired, but everything is all right with the world I kissed His cheek and sent Him off to work without any drama and when He came home, I was still smiling and content. And I hadn't felt a need to text Him at all. I don't feel needy or clingy. I guess I just feel peaceful. It's rather a nice way to feel.

It's not always this way. Sometimes I get clingy, sometimes I get bitchy, sometimes I just cry over anything and everything. Sometimes I don't bounce back and I let the helpless hopeless feelings wash me away for a few days or a couple of weeks. Sometimes I fight it and drag myself out of it immediately, or do my best to laugh over it and pretend that it isn't there. So to say it isn't all hormones, that it goes deeper is probably right, but the hormones play a huge part.

So this month, I am feeling safe and secure. I am feeling loved and protected and owned. I admit that I felt safe being clingy, I held back for Mac's sake, but not all the way because Mac said He would handle it if I needed Him too. So I let some of it fall on Him. He took care of me without a single complaint. And that has let me find my peaceful spot again with little drama and little fuss. I am happy in my submission to Him and it is twisting its way through all levels of our lives. It makes Mac feel peaceful too.

I think we can handle a clingy day now and then.

Posted by Sarah McBroden at 10:33 am

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