Kneeling before Him...
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Mac and I had a discussion on Monday and for the most part I sat quietly and measured my answers carefully until Mac lost patience with me and asked me what was going on. I told Him that I was just being careful with what I said because I didn't want to say the wrong things like I had the week before. Mac and I had ended up in a huge fight on Friday and yesterday while we were discussing much the same things, I didn't want to have it happen again.
See, last week, I was quite frantic for His cock, desperate to take His pleasure and when He would leave for work I would be a little out of control with the need. Poor Mac had to deal with the temper tantrums of a very frustrated woman even though He was fucking me as much as He could. Of course Mac was taking much enjoyment in my constant need for His pleasure and of course, it was bothering me no end that I was unable to have Him inside me constantly.
When I explained to Mac that I was being careful with what I said so that He would not be have to be upset, Mac was very unimpressed with me. He said that if I started calculating everything I said then we would lose the open honesty we have. He didn't want me to be careful, He wanted me to say what I was feeling. He would deal with His own feelings about what was said. Then He smacked me in the mouth with words much more effective than even the hardest slap could be.
"If you do that, you will be just like my ex. Do you want to be like my ex, Sarah?"
I looked at Him absolutely stunned. "That hurt." I said.
"Good." He said. "Then don't do it." He pulled me into His arms and He kissed me softly. "It was a compliment. You are not like her. I just don't want it to be like that between us."
"Fine." I said somewhat sullenly. "If You want to know what I am thinking, I don't want to need Your cock like I did last week. It almost drove me insane. I was so desperate for it that it was hurting and I don't want to be like that. I just want to feel neutral about it."
"Fuck that." He said eloquently. "I like you needing my cock. I enjoyed your desperation to please me. I would be mad not to."
"Well I didn't enjoy it." I pouted, pleased that He had enjoyed it but not wanting to show it. "I hated feeling like that. I don't want to feel like that again."
"Sarah, I wanted you constantly and I liked the throbbing in my cock. You should enjoy the throbbing in your cunt. It's good to want each other, no? Now stop pouting. Whiney bitch."
"Arrogant Bastard." I hissed.
And He laughed and drew my mouth to His and bit my lip until my pouting had turned to whimpering. Then He let me go and teased me by telling me how hard His cock was for me and how much He would like to fuck me, but He had work to do and He sent me out of His study and made me leave Him alone.
I can see how He is right, weighing answers may lead to a less volatile relationship, but really who wants to always be careful in what they say? If tempers flare sometimes then that's ok. We never mean to hurt each other and without intent, our words have little power to cause pain.
There is little point in not being myself with Him.
That is the person I want Him to love.