Kneeling before Him...
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Monday, November 14, 2005
The wedding night, I know you are all waiting to hear about it. But the more I think about, the more I try to find the words, the more I feel like I just can't do this. It was a special night, everything I hoped it would be, and more. And the rest of it I am keeping just for Mac and me because some things should be just between the two of us. I am sorry if it disappoints you all.
I have some other news. Mac has to go away tonight and I am going too. We talked it over last night and decided that we weren't ready to be apart yet but the trip cannot be avoided so the easiest thing to do was take me along. Mac was kind of funny about it. Work is paying for Him to fly business class, but with the wedding and the honeymoon just being over, we really can't justify spending that much on me. I am flying economy instead. It bothered Mac that I would be travelling separate to Him, in a lower class, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I would take a bus if it meant I could be with Him.
The place we are going is not exactly technically advanced and an internet connection is not always available. Because of this I highly doubt I will be posting before next Monday. I know you all have been so patient with all the waiting you have done, but this really can't be helped. I need to be where my Husband is right now. It is important to us both.
Before I go, I thought I would put down something that I am sure not everyone will agree with, but this was something I found so beautiful that I feel like sharing it here. There was a day when we first were back from the honeymoon and Mac had to start back at work and it happened to just be a bad day for me. I was suffering from a little post holiday blues. When Mac was leaving, I had a tiny little temper tantrum and I carried on pouting even after Mac asked me to stop and said that He didn't want to leave while I was upset. In the end He just kind of shrugged His shoulders and left. It took all of about 3 seconds after He had gone for me to feel absolutely horrible about it all. It took another hour for me to work up the courage to apologise to Him.
When I called Him, He wasn't angry or even upset with me. He said that He understood my disappointment and that I was being very girly when I pouted the way I did. He said I didn't need to apologise. I disagreed and told Him that I did need to say I was sorry, no matter how I am feeling, I have no right to take it out on someone else, especially not the person I love most.
And Mac accepted my apology and we said our goodbyes and hung up the phone. A little while later I had an email from Him asking me how my day was going. I replied that I was still a little sad that I had let Him down. This started an email conversation between us about how devastated I am when I receive punishments and this being the reason why Mac has never punished me. There is nothing He could do to me that could even come close to the punishment I put myself through when I disappoint Him. I reminded Mac that my ex-dom, the first I ever served, would take great delight in setting me tasks that I could not possibly complete then punish me when I failed. He almost destroyed me because I couldn't cope with constantly letting him down.
This was Mac's reply.
"You are so utterly gorgeous, so perfect for me. We are perfect for each other. And yes, I tend to scoff at these dickheads with rules and assignments and punishments, who seem to live in this ridiculous make believe world where some unfortunate woman who cannot find a proper male plays along and meekly allows her so called Master to act out his frustrations on her. I am sometimes almost offended when people say 'Mac is a dominant'.
Mac will probably be embarrassed that I posted this here, but it is so much Him and so much us that I thought it should be shared.
Please take care of each other while we are away.