Kneeling before Him...



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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

We had a fight. It happens sometimes even to us. It seems to happen a lot at Christmas time. Things get so caught up that we tend to forget who we are and it spirals out of control until we take the time to be us again. I am not sure that made sense to anyone but me so I will try and explain it a little better.

Mac told me He had plans to use me most brutally Friday night and I was on edge, waiting for it to happen all day. Unfortunately and completely out of our control, our plans changed and we ended up with a houseful of people over the whole Christmas weekend. They didn't leave until Monday morning and I thought that once they left, Mac would go back to His original plan. But Mac didn't seem interested when I hinted at it to Him. He just said we would make time for it soon. So I waited for soon to occur. I was already tense from having people invade my house and I needed Him to take control of me.

Monday passed and most of Tuesday and Mac hadn't mentioned it again. I kept getting more and more tense and I started to take little digs at Him each time He said He had something He needed to do. I guess I expected Him to work out what it was I needed from Him. And instead of Him saying "what the hell is wrong with you?" He let the digs build up a wall between us until He got quite pissy with me. Once we were on that path, it didn't take long for the lines of communication to fall apart. Neither of us could get through. I lost my temper and Mac lost His back at me and we ended up walking away from each other into separate rooms. We gave each other time enough to cool down, then we tried to talk to each other again.

Mac came to the door of my studio and said hi. I said hi back. Then nothing was said for long enough for me to say hello again to him. He said hello back to me.

"This is going well." I said and I did something that could have backfired on me, but things were so very awful that I didn't think it could get much worse. I stuck my tongue out at Him.
"Insolent fucking bitch." He said and He came over to me and as I stood up He took me in His arms.
I grinned up at Him. "You want a doormat?" I asked.
"No," He said. "Do you?"
"No" I shook my head.
"We don't do this well, do we?" Mac said. I knew what He meant. When we get caught up in other things and start to pull away from each other, it pretty quickly goes downhill. We don't seem to be able to stop it. It gets away from us and it takes a double effort to reel it back in.
"No," I said, "we don't."

Mac sat in my chair and I knelt at His feet and He asked me if it would be better if He said that He didn't know when He would feel up to some marathon sex as Christmas had taken a lot out of Him too and He had a lot of work to catch up on. His company is not based in a Christian country and don't have a Christmas holiday. I told Him quite honestly that it would be a lot easier on me because I had no clue how soon 'soon' was and it was making me tense wondering if it would be today. So He told me not to hold my breath for it. And I laughed then pointed out that I wasn't even after marathon sex, I just wanted Him to slap me around a little and use me to make Him come.

"Oh" He said.

Then He did.

The effect on me was immediate. I stopped being such a little bitch and it even curbed my smartass mouth a little bit. I climbed up into His lap when He was done and I kissed His eyes and played with His hair and loved Him while He rested. It was the closest I had felt to Him since Friday morning. It seemed to help Mac relax a little too. He murmured that I was His good girl, that I was His. And it was everything I needed from Him.

So we had a fight and worked things out and things are back to normal around here. Christmas was wonderful, but as always I am glad that it is over. Too much of a good thing makes me uncomfortable. I need to get back into being me again.

And I need Mac to be Him.

Posted by Sarah McBroden at 8:21 am

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