Last night I went to sleep thinking of fingers tipped with long red nails tangled in the hair on a broad tanned chest. I dreamt of blood red talons tearing away my skin. I woke mid orgasm and now I realise that I had not come for days. I can't even remember the previous orgasm. I guess my body needed it and took care of it without me. It's kind of nice to know that it can do that, but worrying at the same time.

I have things that I must do before Mac comes home tomorrow. I have a hair appointment, a waxing tidy up, and of course, I need to paint my nails red. Mac is aware that I am feeling as sexual as a... (god, how hard is it to find something that no one will find sexy!) ...rock? A Toe nail clipping? A dictionary? Well, you get the idea. I am not feeling sexual at all and Mac knows it and has made it quite clear to me that He isn't bothered by it. He will take what He wants and satisfy Himself. He will not let me choose if we fuck or how we fuck or where we fuck. He will decide what He wants and I will submit to it, to Him and I will enjoy it. It is the way it has always been for us. It is the way it has always been for me. I do not achieve contentment and fulfilment through acts of sex or through my own sexual pleasure. It is acts of submission, of bringing pleasure to Him, that's what gets me there. That's how I find my way home.

So today, even though I feel totally devoid of sexuality, I will get my hair done and have my legs and other parts waxed and I will paint my nails whore red. Tomorrow I will change the sheets and lipstick my nipples and find something to wear that I know Mac likes. And He will be welcomed home by a very loving and very willing wife who wants nothing more than to please Him. Once He is pleased, I can rest and it will be His turn to watch the world for me.

We are going to be ok.