Kneeling before Him...
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Sunday, April 23, 2006
The bad news is Mac is going away again. The good news is, this time He is taking me with Him! Of course, that is good news for me, but not for readers here. I won't be writing while I am away. I have decided to use the break to clear out my head and stop being so caught up in being me. No more analysing it, just go with it, relax and enjoy. (Yeah right.)
So anyways, I will be away for a week, maybe two depending on how much work Mac has to do and how long before my credit card breaks its back. I feel it is my sworn duty to spend the money He earns, or there is no point in Him earning it, right? Right? (Go with me on this one. Mac is not convinced either.)
I am going to leave you all with something I wrote a long time ago. Sometimes I still identify with this girl. Maybe some of you will too.
Take care of each other while I am away.
The girl ran. Her hair tangled into a mess of curls behind her as a shine of sweat covered her exposed skin. Her shoes squelched on the muddy ground each time her feet connected but she did not hear it. The sound of her own heartbeat in her ears filtered out all other sounds.
The sun shone down on her from above the treetops. Branches tore at her bare arms and legs, tangling into her hair, grabbing at her like dozens of hands forcing her to slow down. Her breathing was erratic, rasping from her throat as her lungs burnt for greater amounts of air. Her tears turned the dust into a mud that clung to her, the streaks it made all mixing together like some sort of outrageous camouflage, a crazed animal running from the hunter.
She could not stop to think why she was running, or what she was running from, she just knew she had to keep going. If she stopped she knew whatever it was would catch up to her, and then she might just go insane. The only thoughts that crossed through her mind were to run, to keep running, no matter what.
The fear she felt coursing through her body kept her going past the point of exhaustion. Her legs were two balls of fire, her muscles screaming for more oxygen. Her arms stung from her sweat running into the road map of scratches upon them.
She became aware that her body could not keep up the pace she had set. The adrenaline rush would run out and when it did she would be unable to carry on. A new thought came to her from somewhere deep inside her mind. To Hide. It was her only option.
She scanned the area in front of her. Now she had the thought in her mind she could think of nothing else. She needed somewhere dark, somewhere safe, somewhere she would not be found and she needed it fast.
The cliff face appeared before her so quickly that she nearly ran smack into it. Her direction changed and she ran along it, the rocks rising straight up into the air beside her. Hide, she thought. Her eyes kept searching either side of her for some curve in the rock, some clump of trees, anything that looked like it would provide her the protection she needed.
She saw the cave entrance pass by her side and it took three more steps before she realised what she had passed. Her body stopped dead still. For a moment the fear built up inside her, sure that now the thing she was running from would be right behind her. Her mind screamed at her to run, but she knew she couldn't run anymore. She turned quickly to find she was alone. There was nothing behind her, but she knew it would be coming soon. She had to hide now. The cave had to be the place.
She forced her legs to move her to the entrance. It was not a deep cave, she could see all the way in it. She knew this was not protection enough, but it was the best she could do. She wanted to cry, but she knew if she started she may not be able to stop and the danger had not passed by her yet.
She walked to the back corner of the cave that seemed to be the darkest. She turned her back on the cold stone and allowed herself to slide down onto the ground, her knees popping like little fireworks, making her wince. She pulled her knees into her chest, wrapping herself up into the smallest ball she could possibly make. She rested her head against her knees and watched the entrance to the cave and waited. There was nothing more she could do.
She could hear the footsteps outside the cave. She was not surprised that he had not been far behind her. They came steadily closer. She imagined she could hear the confidence in each of his steps. He knew he would find her, he did not hurry, and he did not falter. She rocked slowly back and forth, knowing now that she had no escape. There was noway she could out run him, nowhere she could hide from him. His dark form walked across the entrance to the cave. She held her breath, hoping beyond hope that he would pass by. He turned toward her and his body was outlined in sunlight, his features where hidden in shadow.
"Please don't hurt me," she whispered to him.
He walked towards her slowly, softly. She cringed back against the wall, trying to make herself disappear into the stone.
"Don't be afraid," he spoke softly, like he would talk to a wounded child. She flinched from each word like he had struck her with them. He looked at her, not understanding how great her fear was. He held his hand out to her. She shied away from it, hiding her face in her hands.
"Please don't be afraid of me," he said gently. "I am here to stop you hurting. I am here to guide you. I will give you a place to rest when you need it. My arms are here to protect you from the world. You do not need to run. You do not need to hide anymore. Nothing will hurt you while I am here."
She gathered her courage around her like a shield. And for the first time her eyes rose to meet his in the darkness.
"Don't you understand?" she spat at him defiantly, "it's you I am running from."
Suddenly he understood the depth of hurt she had suffered, a hurt he was unable to fix. All that he offered come with a price and it was not one she was willing to pay.
She rose and walked past him, careful not to touch him as she went. He did not try and stop her, for now, the part of her he wished to reach was closed off. There would always be tomorrow, and the next day, or however many it took before she knew she could trust him. He watched her as she stepped out of the cave and into the world alone.
He smiled slightly, and he waited.
She stopped just outside the cave and turned to him, her head to one side, puzzled.
"You coming?" she asked.
He chuckled to himself. He knew he had time. He walked out into the sunshine and fell into step beside her.
After a while she reached for his hand. He let her take it. For now, that was enough.